"Things Have Changed For Me, But That's Okay" (Reflection)

It's the time of year again where I sit down and think about the year. Because thinking is awesome.

Let's start off with January and hot damn, I was feeling crappy. I was still completely shell-shocked from mine and MSCBFF's breakup. Even though stuff seemed to be looking up, it couldn't really mask completely how crappy I was feeling. Spending New Year's webcamming with him and then "meeting up" a few days later really didn't help. But I guess the highlight of January was when I fell in love...with a college. I visited Brown University with my daddy. And I totally fell in love with the place. That atmosphere, the academic philosophy, the...everything. Second time in my life I found myself staring at a place where I felt I should belong. Same thing happened with my current high school, even though parts of that weren't the best. But seriously, that did not quell the stress of the school year, with midterms and whatnot. But I discovered a new batch of friends, composed of Fabulous, Caveman, Redd, Jamaica, and Papaya. Who knew eating ice cream at ten o’clock at night would be fun? But who also knew that I would be doing things I kind of swore to myself I wouldn’t. And did I mention I was taking SAT classes too? I really disliked that test. SO MUCH.

February came and I was in a much better place. The only thing that really sucked was the rain every Wednesday because I had violin lessons on Wednesday which required much walking to get to. Oh yeah and SAT classes were more boring than fun half the time. But I got my fair share of hanging out. Partying with cute people on Fail-entine's and going to my first indoor, general admission concert was awesome. Flogging Molly was so good live and I can't believe how fun it was to get the shit kicked out of me. I also started dating Caveman, who was really sweet and romantic. I wanted him to go to this fancy party with me, but it was too late. But that party was freaking fancy. It was my friend's Sweet 16 at the Waldorf-Astoria. I felt so inadequate just being there because it was so grandiose and so everything I'll never really have access to. But that didn't make me feel crappy. What made me feel crappy was the seemingly ongoing feud between me, my English class, and my English teacher. No, the class and I weren't against the teacher. We were all arguing with each other.

March seemed to be strewn with lots and lots of PMS. And lots and lots of time spent being angry at my SCBFF because he was totally MIA with his girlfriend. But aside from that, it was a pretty good month. We had a snow day so I spent the day snowing with Poofy Hair and My Twin Brother. It was fun, but of COURSE I'm the one to fall and get basically a concussion. And speaking of concussions, I went to another general admissions concert for Bloc Party. It wasn't as rough as Flogging Molly, but still awesome. I also had my first traditional St. Patty's day, but just hanging out was fun. That actually taking the SAT thing sucked a lot. I mean, it's a 6 hour test at a school that I didn't get into as an 8th grader with a drill sergeant for a proctor was pretty intimidating. But doing tons of hanging out for Pi-day was amazing. I don't remember what I did much of the rest of spring break besides go up and visit Cornell (REALLY didn't like that school, just for the record).

April seemed to be the month of back-and-forth body image issues. Like, I couldn't decided if I was content with my body or if I absolutely detested it and needed to change it. But that didn't really matter because I had Caveman who thought I was pretty. But academics really went down the shitter. My English grade was blah and the physics teacher started going down a long, dangerous slope of crazy. Like asking students if he can go to the bathroom and playing quarters in class crazy. My SAT scores didn't thrill me either, but thankfully I was able to take that frustration out on other people at the annual NYC pillow fight. It was down at Wall Street and shut down because someone had accidentally hit a police officer. It was also the what could've been anniversary of me and My SCBFF. I was kinda sad that day, but it didn't matter. Well, the sadness mattered; he didn't. I also found out that I'm allergic to Brazil nuts...the HARD way. Longest and most painful night of my life so far. Forty-five minutes of sleep, so guess who didn't go to school the next day. But that month ended on a really sad note since Poofy Hair and her boyfriend broke up...I felt really bad because it kinda hit her really hard.

They say May is the month of spring May flowers and sunshine and whatnot. For me, I felt that it was far from the opposite. AP tests and all the last-minute work teachers decide to cram in the last few weeks of school ruled my life. The Calculus AP went abysmally (or so I thought). The US History AP went really well. But after that...rough week one came. I had planned a really nice date with Caveman. He had something else in mind. Meaning, um, breaking up with me. God, I was so angry. Mostly because it sort of came out of nowhere. Because I was dumb enough to think that it would fix itself. And then One Guy decided it was a great idea to come out about his great love for me. That just made things hard. So I spent most of the week confused about that. Then rough week two came. I was still upset over Caveman, One Guy had fallen into a really deep emotional hole, and I had a ten-page paper due. Oh and this really awkward situation came up with my parents that sent me wheeling into an emotional hole. But despite all of that, I got together with One Guy. And that was awesome because of his sweetness. And despite all the finals and whatnot, the month ended on a pretty good note.

In June, it was my birthday. It was a good day, even though I had freaking SAT IIs the next day. But that's okay. I had fun anyway. We had Xbox and whatnot. I've never had so many people over at my house at any given moment. I also went on college tour, but I wasn't as impressed with the colleges as I was last year. I had a great time rooming with Alice Dork, Ms. Negative, and Innocence. Great times, like watching VH1 together and figuring out that our air conditioner got high. The highlight of June, though, was Brown. I signed up for a summer program there to take classes in Biomedical Engineering and Stem Cell Research. I was pretty nervous because of my usual persona at school of the really shy chick. But that didn't bug me. I met Spike and Live and a bunch of other great people. I liked the food, the dorms were cool...well, I'm not a reliable source on dorm life because my roommate moved out to live with her friend because of homesickness after one day. But still! I had a great time.

And the Brown experience continued into July. Except I got kind of negative again...because me and One Guy couldn't hang out for a while. Like, not a few weeks while, but more like months and years while. Yet I tried really hard to not let it get to me, but I trusted Live and Spike enough to vent about it. Which was nice. But it ended all too soon and I had to return to NYC. Back in the city, I started my first job at an anesthesiology lab. I liked my coworkers and the job was fun when I was actually doing research and watching operations. But then I got my filing/ shredding assignment. My back was aching lots. But amidst all that, I spent much time with my aunt and Papaya. We saw Green Day together. I have never embraced such an extent of fangirldom. I was screaming and jumping around like crazy. Yeah July was a great month. There was barely anything to worry about.

In August, the reality that school was rearing its ugly head returned. I got my schedule, which consisted of 4 AP classes and 2 theology classes, one of the shortest in the school. I did so much hanging out that month and seeing movie upon movie with my aunt was really really fun. Committing myself to weight loss was getting so hard because I still weighed lots but I could fit into clothes I didn't think I could fit into earlier. But whatever, I pushed through with it, trying to reach my thirty-pound weightloss goal. However, I did have one of the most fun experiences ever: poetry slam in alphabet city. Warm, stormy summer night with awesome people in a pretty sketchy neighborhood. Enough said. As much fun as I had, it was getting harder and harder to be with One Guy. His work schedule changed dramatically and the amount we talked dwindled day by day.

Yet in September, it was One Guy keeping me euphoric all the time. The small amounts we did talk kept me sane as I attacked my all-AP schedule. I usually react to stress by being obnoxious or latching onto little things that make me happy that I wouldn't normally be that excited about on a normal basis. I started internally making fun of myself...like satirically, not bullying. And I had received my first leadership position as a JETS team captain. JETS is engineering club and it was fun last year, but I wasn't the one having to organize a lot of stuff. Let's just say that the stress wasn't ending.

October seems to be cursed month for me. Last year, me and Scott broke up. This year, me and One Guy broke up. In the middle of one of the most emotional weeks of senior year: Kairos. It was the best week of my life. I had finally discovered that I wasn't as disliked as I thought I was at school. I made up with the kid that made sophomore year extremely difficult for me. And I forgave a bunch of people. And in the middle of that week, One Guy and I broke up. It wasn't exactly out of nowhere...but it was the worst moment. For reasons that I can't state here. I cried lots though. Because I was happy with him and he thought I should be happier with someone else. Part of me thinks it was a bad idea from the get-go. But what happened happened. Halloween night was fun though. Girl time with awesome people makes everything better. Even if you get rejected from a scholarship plus entry that you kind of wanted. On a happy note, I discovered that my favorite Shakespeare play is Hamlet. The fact that Jude Law was in the Broadway production has nothing to do with it, I swear!

November, I started the NaNoWriMo project. I started writing my novel about a girl with extreme OCD and germophobia. I didn't win and make it to 50,000 words, but it's a work in progress that I'm having too much fun with. I spent lots of November kind of picking myself up and I thought I had when I met JRawk, but that didn't work out. Haha, he has a girlfriend now. But I had like a cultural explosion. I saw a movie and a musical. In the Heights was incredible. The music and everything was really clever. Oh and I saw the Tim Burton exhibit at the MoMA with Alice Dork. I also chilled with Poofy Hair for her 18th birthday and that was fun. For the first time in years, I drew something. And it was really felt good to draw again. In fact, I'm drawing for my world religions final project. It's great.

And now there's December. College. College. College. College. Stats. That's what that month was about. Another theme was gay rights. Because our school was performing The Laramie Project, which has to do with the whole hate crime incident in Laramie, Wyoming with Matthew Shepard. It was a really good play, but I think my emotions focused too much that a mother lost her son than the fact that the lost son was a victim of hate crime. But it was really down month. I get deferred from Brown, my statistics grade goes downn the drain, and I had begun shutting down due to end-of-the-year angst. I also had to write the JETS final write up and spent so much time on the phone with Arizohna so that our parts can be coordinated in the project. And I also had the Christmas concert to prepare for, which was fun as hell. Wearing frilly Victorian-era dresses was silly, but awesome. And the JETS team made it to semifinals. So maybe I do have a chance at getting accepted into Brown the second time around. In spite of all the school stress I was dealing with, Christmas was good, but I did way too much school work.

That was my year. It could have gone much better. But that's what the next year is for: a new start and a change to do stuff over again. I read my horoscope today. It looked promising, so I hope so. But after all that, I think I'm happier, skinnier, and way more artistic now. And done with my college apps.



Excitement Over the Little Things (N.a.P.)

Working out always gives me a rush. Like, I go brain dead sometimes when I have a really good session. Man, I just realized how badly this sounds like a cover-up for something else, but it's not. Hooking up with someone for extending periods of time isn't as good of a workout as weight training. Unless you did it everyday perhaps...hm...I'll try that with a boyfriend once as an experiment. But then my chances of getting pregnant are higher. So maybe not.

Anyway, pay off from working out is the best. I went to American Eagle and got myself a pair of jeans. In a size 6 short. Which is awesome for me because that means I slimmed down my thighs. So now I don't have to wear baggy clothes anymore. YAY!


In Memoriam: People Who Have Died in 2009 (N.a.P.)

People I Know:
  • Irene McCormick
  • Nina (??)
  • Waldek Waszlinel
  • James "The Rev" Sullivan
  • Brittany Murphy
  • Adam Goldstein (DJ AM)
  • Billy Mays
  • Edward Kennedy
  • Farrah Fawcett
  • Jett Travolta
  • John Updike
  • Jasmine Fiore
  • Les Paul
  • Michael Jackson
  • Natasha Richardson
  • Patrick Swayze
  • Roy Disney
  • Ryan Patrick Jenkins
  • Walter Cronkite
Either people have been really paying attention, or that many famous people died this year. Either way, may they all rest in peace.

Hard To Be Curvy In a Skinny World

Skinny jeans,
Tight leggings,
Tunic dress,
Cropped jacket,
Who can keep track
Of it all?

It's kinda hard
To be curvy in a
Skinny world.

You google
"Curvy chick"
And the pics that
Come up you think
"Hot damn, I'm not
That girl."
I don't think I am
That huge.

It's kinda hard being
Curvy in a skinny world.
I'm not a rail, but
I'm not a voluminous girl.

People should
Really try
To get their
Vocabulary right.
Curvy is it's
Own thing,
Not a euphemism
For something else.


I'm Tired (R.P.)

Shit, so I fell asleep at 2 AM last night. After going to bed at 12:30. I'm so freaking tired, but anxiety wakes you up like a bomb. Like you wake up because you're so freaking stressed out. I'll try to deal. I just want this college process and midterms to be over.


Working at the Nursing Home (N.a.P.)

It's starting to get so monotonous. Like, I enjoy feeding people and whatnot, but over 20 hours there without many people to keep me company. And all the weirdness that goes on in my head in the second half of December prevents me from being my charming outgoing self. But thankfully, Arizohna was there today and we chilled lots.

I like group projects and assignments where people can get together to do stuff. It's like hanging out, but more focused. Christmas Eve was really fun at JETS. I appreciated chilling with Cats, Arizohna, and ToeTOEFL. Even though working on JETS wasn't how I envisioned spending Christmas Eve, but that's okay. Friends are always welcome.

Anniversaries (N.a.P.)

Does Christmas and the holidays seem to make people wanna jump each other's bones and start dating each other or is it just me? I mean, I'm kind of in that mode, except in a slower hugging motion so that the dude doesn't run away, but still.

But online, there are plenty of posts about "Happy insert month number here anniversary." I think it's cute, but part of me feels like being condescending about monthiversaries. So I will be. Because I feel like counting down the months you've been together makes it seem like the relationship is one some weird time frame. Like, I'm almost scared of starting anything because of "oh noez I'm graduating in 6 months, that's too short for a relationship!" Most that is being caused by periodic PMS (haha, pun) and general love paranoia. I tried ignoring the months and just keeping it general, no exact dates and whatnot. But I got wrapped up in the whole monti-whats-it and that just made me feel so inadequate.

It's taken too many boys to realize this, but it's probably best to enjoy it while it lasts and just kind of ignore the numbers. This, coming from me, sounds too hypocritical and I deeply apologize.


The Chistmas Post (N.a.P.)

Merry Christmas everyone! I got some pretty sick gifts today such as my new phone that I'm posting this from lol. But I got some other sweet stuff too.
  • Makeup: by Kat von D. For those who don't know, she's like my role model and her makeup is actually really good. The eyeshadow goes on flawlessly.
  • Perfume: Kat von D's Saint and Sinner and CK One Summer. Such great scents for lots of occasions
  • Purse: Coach. My mom wanted to get me one for my birthday, but that didn't work out so she got me mine for Christmas. It's big because sometimes I like bringing books with me and whatnot.
  • Clothes: all time favorite. My aunt has great taste.
  • Jewelry: My aunt knows what I like. She got me this awesome bracelet that's pretty bulky but very fashion forward.
  • HTC Touch Pro: ooh my God. Best gift ever. I never expected to get it for Christmas because I wanted it for my birthday. But it's the coolest thing ever. I just really hope I don't break it or anything.
I hope everyone else had an awesome Christmas. I know my cousin did. She's giving birth to a baby boy in a few months. Yay!


Hey Hey (R.P.)

Merry Christmas everyone! JETS had a Christmas miracle and I hope everyone else does too. It's a great time to feel fuzzy and get presents for people. And, of course, receive presents. Hehe.

I hope my readers have an awesome holiday!



"Skippy Peanut Butter, Skippy Peanut (BOOBS!) Skippy Butter (BOOBS! BOOBS!)"

Silly remixes
Of silly things
Have taken over my life.

My favorite so far
Is the remix of
Everything that has
Taken place in 2009
In the world.

My other favorite
Is the one about
Christian Bale's
Freaking flip out.

No one makes ranting funnier
Than actors who lose
Their cool and let
Their real accents
Hang out.


Je Ne Mange

Possibly the most
Depressing profile of
All time.

It's from a girl
With an eating disorder
And posts pics
Of girls who are way too skinny.

Since when are bones sexy
And perfect?

I'm not saying that
As a condescending thing.
But I think healthy
Is hot.

It took me so long
To learn that.
After I started
Eating well
And exercising.

I'm not going to
Start going off
About how society
Makes girls think that.

Seeing skinny girls with ribs
Sticking out.
Seeing Victoria's Secret models
In their bodily perfection.
Seeing women like Anna Kournikova
And their perfect bodies.

I'm sure it might,
To some extent.

But most insecurities
Come from within.

But I don't think
Starving yourself
Is a solution.
Because fatigue is never fun.

Hey You (Is So Catchy)

I like the cold
And wearing fuzzy
Clothes and
Listening to my iPod
And singing out loud in
The street.

I hope no one

But there's
This one song
Called "Hey You"
That's obviously a teenie
Crush song that lowers my age
By about 4 years when I sing it.

But it's okay.
I redeem myself with Mika
And the 2009 Song
And Bad Romance parody.


Baby, It's Really Freezing Outside

My hands are once again
Turning into the color
Of snow
And ice cubes
Are warmer than they are.

But the cold has a purpose.

The clouds spent all
Night snowing.
Dumping inches and inches
Of glorious snow-cone
Material on the ground.

So I woke up
At eight
And took pictures
On my new holga camera
And I can't wait
To see how they turned out.

And during all
The time I spent outside,
I kinda wanted to have
Someone standing there
With me, keeping my hands warm.

But a girl has to resort
To using gloves every
Once in a while.


Yay JETS (R.P.)

I haven't had any inspiration recently to do a real poem that won't sound too angry or whatever. Actually, there's no set feelings to write about anything linear. But my JETS team made it semifinals. Meaning that we have to make a super awesome video.

But Christmas at Loyola was the best ever. I have friends who love me :D


Christmas Concert (R.P.)

Sorry for all the random posts but it gets so late when I finally have time to post something.
BUT! The Christmas concert was successful and I got to wear and dance in a Victorian-esque poofy dress. AWESOME SAUCE.

CONGRATULATIONS to everyone involved =D


Long Day Tomorrow (R.P.)

Well. Tomorrow will be the longest day I've had so far. Actually that's not true. The JETS essay writing day was longer. But tomorrow will be long for other reasons. Of a Christmas concert nature.

Wish me luck!


It's Christmas Eve and I've Only Wrapped Two Freaking Presents

Well that's not true.
Man, do I listen to
Too much silly music.

So I get deferred
To Brown.
Which means that
I have to apply to other schools
And potentially get
Rejection letters
And have to write
Loads of essays
And stuff like that.

Merry Christmas?
It better be.


Right Now, I Am 36 Hours Away From Having the Best and Worst Week Ever

I've never felt such anticipation.
I don't think I've wanted
Anything plausible
This badly.

I'm on a hunger rampage.
I want to devour most
Food in sight
But for the sake of my unforgiving
Stomach I won't.


Laramie Project (N.a.P.)

I thought the production was great. The cast did a great job of it and the concept and execution of the concept were great. I was kind of moved by it, but I don't think by the right thing.

Most people cried at the atrocity of the murder of Matthew Shepard. I cried at the pain his parents must have gone through in losing their first born son. No parent should ever have to go through that. I probably cried because it is one of my worst fears: to lose a child. I mean, I don't personally have one, but I can imagine losing one is one of the worst pains a parent can go through.


Bah Ra-ah-ah-ah, Roma-ro-mah-mah, Ga Ga Ooh la-la

I don't want anyone's bad romance.
I want someone's good romance,
But I haven't met that someone yet.
Or maybe I have met that someone.
I don't know.

All I know is that I saw THE
Prettiest boy on the subway though.
He smiled at me with a pretty smile
And pretty tousled hair
And possibly a pretty guitar strapped
Onto his back.
And of course he was getting into
The subway while I was getting out.

But that smile totally made my day.

Little things for the win?

I think I'm starting to slowly
Become successful in being
The world's most adorable person.
But some days, I don't think I am.

Oh duality, you never cease to amaze me.


"I'm Gonna Fuck Shit Up, and I'm Ready To Blow"

A bottle or two...
Those lyrics have
Nothing to do with me.

But I'm just so tired.
I'm really close to singing
Beatles choruses.
And punching something.
And making out
With someone.

So people,
Get earmuffs,
Protective gear,
And breath mints.


I Guess I'll See You Around? (G.W.D.Y.M.M.S.L.)

Moronic 17YearOld: Hey, so I think you're cute. We should start talking about semi-deep stuff.

Dude: Yeah, like some details about my personal life that I'm not sure if you're the only one who knows, but I'll share anyway. Wanna hook up?

Moronic 17YearOld: Sure, wanna meet up after school and whatnot?

Dude: Yeah, that'd be nice. Man, cuddling with you is so fun. Wanna sext?

Moronic 17YearOld: Um, I don't know if I can. I mean, I'm still shaken up from my breakup.

Dude: Aw, that's cool. Whatever.

Moronic 17YearOld: Actually, I'm fine now.

Dude: Oh, wow. I have a girlfriend now.

Moronic 17YearOld: What the fuck?

Why I'm So Lame: There's a moral to this story. Girls, don't sound like you're wounded. Makes a guy think you're undatable. Also, ask people out before they have the chance to become total douchebags. Whatever, that guy was a learning experience. Nothing more. And there will be PLENTY more where that came from.


Dude Who Came To Talk To Us (N.a.P.)

Today in school a guy named Bob Anthony came to talk to us about being gay and Catholic and how our school is making a big step towards becoming this open friendly place where people can talk about anything. And asking that we start some form of GSA or whatnot.

I'm personally not really all for a GSA or LGBT support group. It sounds like a nice idea to have a group where people get together and talk about feelings and problems. But in actuality, it sounds like it draws more attention to a "problem" and could lead to even more discrimination or isolation. The kids in that group would be labeled the "gay kids." And I think that's counterproductive.

I completely support a respectful environment not because of having a minority group or whatnot, but just for the sake of being respectful. I try to respect people because I think everyone has a purpose...even if it is seemingly worthless, it could be totally worth it to someone else. A GSA could work, but I'm wary about it. That's most of the reason why I haven't talked about starting one.

This is a total side note, but I was browsing facebook a week or so ago, and Fabulous sent a friend of hers a piece of flair that had something to do with bi friend. Someone got totally offended by it. And I can totally see why. I mean, I wouldn't want to be introduced as "hey, this is *insert person's name*, my *insert sexual orientation here* friend." Kids don't do that for straight people. You wouldn't introduce someone as "Hey, this is Alfred, my black friend." It points out things that are totally unnecessary and somewhat discriminatory because it points out things that could potentially isolate people.

Like Poofy Hair calling me "Hoe-Jo" when introducing me to her friends. TOTALLY uncalled for, all the time.


So I've Been Having These Dreams (N.a.P.)

So I've been having these dreams. About the same guy. A guy who totally gets me, who's totally like me. Actually, he's more like me if I had a penis and were obviously male and were taller. And these have been going on for the past few days.

And I don't get it. My subconscious is so masochistic sometimes. I already have to deal with seeing people I know with things I really want. I don't need to see it in my dreams. I really don't. Because, since I'm grounded basically, I don't have the opportunity to pursue it. Not that I have anyone to even try to pursue it with. I mean, there are people who show me much affection, but is it genuine? Maybe. Probably not if everyone else gets that same kind of attention. And I'm not going to be that girl. You know, the girl who takes everything with a deeper meaning or whatnot. Outwardly, I take everything at face value. If a person tells me I'm beautiful, I don't necessarily start thinking "Oh they're just saying that to be nice" but I take the compliment with a smile. But if someone were to ask me out, I'm scared I'll take it so heavily at face value that I'll laugh in their face or something thinking it's a joke. Because I've had the same guy friend jokingly ask me out a bunch of times. God, people are weird.

Now I'm rambling a lot about relationships because the other issues are not really things I want to publish online. Not because they're sensitive topics or whatnot, but because people will think "shit, that's no big deal." To me it obviously is. But it's nice that I'm venting about things slightly beyond my control. And not things I can directly control. Like how skinny I am now. Even though I have to stop losing inches or weight or thinning out. Because I don't want to disappear when I turn sideways.


It Can Only Get Better, Righ? (N.a.P.)

So I think that I've finally hit rock bottom in terms of how crappy things can plausibly get. At least for me. And hopefully, once I've dug myself out of this hole, I DON'T FALL INTO ANOTHER ONE.


Happy Encounters and the MoMA

I never got complimented
On my singing.
Actually, I've gotten the
Opposite of compliments
On my singing.

But today on my way
To the nursing home
A guy told me that he
Liked my voice.

It made my day.

I had asked someone
To go with me to MoMA originally
Showed up for lunch
With me and Alice Dork.

I love coincidences.

We then went to MoMA
To check out Tim Burton's stuff.
His art is very weird
But very happy-making.

Inspiration is always nice.


Dating Unfuckable (I've Got Dyslexia)

I'm S-I-C-K of
Making plans with
D-U-D-E-S who never
Get back to me.
This F-U-C-K-I-N-G

I don't know if I should
Sit back and relax,
Wait for some people
To P-A-S-S B-Y and
Settle for whatever comes.
This F-U-C-K-I-N-G

Maybe I should until
I get to C-O-L-L-E-G-E
And meet some cool people
Increase my pool.
But P-R-O-M and shit like that
Comes way before move out
And I'll prolly go stag.
This F-U-C-K-I-N-G

Maybe if I ignore them
They will come R-U-N-N-I-N-G
To me, for lack of attention
From a possibility.
My engineering projects becomes
This F-U-C-K-I-N-G


2012 (M.R.)

I'm going to start off by saying that this movie, by far, is the most ridiculous disaster movie that has been made so far. If you thought The Core was silly, wait until you see this.

The premise of the film is the end of the world, which presumably occurs in 2012, on December 21st. Earthquakes collapsing entire states, Yellowstone supervolcano exploding, tsunamis engulfing the earth...yeah, you get the idea. Woops, I might've just spoiled the movie for you. Anyway, the action sequences were amazing, but the film loses points in the science, plot, and morality departments.

As most people know, I am extremely scared of heights. I had a really fun time at this movie, it was like a roller coaster! Especially during that LA plane scene. Man, I was about to start hyperventilating. But the visuals were even better than in Day After Tomorrow, but that's definitely because the world was going to waste at a much slower pace in that movie.

I think the CGI science was the only thing that was realistic-seeming about the movie. The entire "crustal displacement"theory seems a bit unrealistic, especially for it to happen in a span of three years. Also, building massive arks to save the human race in three years in implausible and costs way too much money that even if all the billionaires of the world could contribute one billion dollars, that still wouldn't cover the cost.

And then there's the plot. Three cheers for there having one! Plenty of boos for having a crappy one. I doubt an amateur pilot could do that well among falling buildings and explosions, let alone co-piloting across the Pacific, which, mind you, is larger than the Atlantic. And wouldn't the ash cloud have killed the family by the time they made it to China? Either way, the special effects overpower everything. Then again, they usually do.

The movie presents lots of moral turmoil. The governments of the world elect 400,000 to board these arks to get saved from the apocalypse. I'm going to leave the "why's" of the moral questionability up to you guys.

Overall, I had fun watching this, but it is not one of the better movies on my imaginary list.

Rating: 6/10


Things I Am Thankful For

So since I did it last year, I'm making the annual list of things I'm thankful for.
  • This blog: helps me vent and be creative about the things going on in my life. I honestly can't believe I wrote an entry almost everyday this year!
  • Human Beings: I love you. I don't love you. I like you. I dislike you. Either way, you entertain me with sheer stupidity and great insight. Even though most of you don't have real names on this thing.
  • Loyola: because learning is good and useful.
  • MTA: I avoid your buses as much as possible and your subway policies give me so many headaches, but I need to get from point A to point B somehow.
  • My parrot: also annoying, but he's adorable and keeps me company.
  • Brown University: there's a chance I won't be thankful for it after December 15th but for now I am. I met Spike and Live there and life has been good since. I also met a bunch of other cool people.
  • Isabel De Los Rios: her blog and sage food advice has been keeping me skinny and a size 4 instead of a size 8. I didn't think I'd ever like quinao or sweet potatoes and can go on without bread for a week.
  • Josh Hillis blog: a year later and his workouts are still tough, but keeping me thin.
  • Apple: even though my iPod is starting to fail a year later, it hasn't lost all my music yet.
  • My Guitar: it's pretty and gives me a feeling of happiness through failure that I can't reproduce anywhere else in my life.
  • My Bass: it's kind of ignored but it makes me feel like a rock star.
  • Green Day: I heard "American Idiot" the first time when I was in 8th grade. It's been five years and you're still the best band ever and getting me through everything.
  • Magazines: help me stay pretty and discover some awesome new music.
  • Mary Manning Walsh Nursing Home: I get really nostalgic going there, but nostalgia implies that there were some good experiences amidst the bad.
  • Food: it's so yummy and without it, I wouldn't be here. There wouldn't be much of a Thanksgiving without it either.
  • Boredom: helps me get productive. That's why I started drawing again.
  • Stores: like I said last year, they prevent me from getting arrested for indecent exposure.
  • TV Shows: they give something to do and something to get excited about every week. Or everyday, in VH1's case.
  • Princeton Review: got me through the SAT testing season.
  • Common App: though it's tedious, it makes college apps so much easier. Imagine having to fill out applications by hand to all those schools? Yeah, so don't complain too hard.


In The Heights (N.a.P.)

In the Heights was possibly the best musical I've seen besides Phantom of the Opera and The Lion King. I really liked the singing. And the dancing. And the plot.

Brown Interviewer Man said I'd probably wind up liking it. And he was right. I mean, it was a unique musical, since there was such a mix of cultures and musical styles. At multiple points, Usnavi, the main character, raps, then followed by some Hispanic-type music.

The musical had some touching moments and really funny moments. My favorite characters were Piragua Guy, Sonny, and Usnavi. Yes, they're all dudes, I know. I couldn't really connect with the female characters. Maybe they reminded me too much of people I know.

But I had a really fun time. Except for the fact that I couldn't sit next to Alice Dork. That was way lame.


Drawing (R.P.)

I haven't drawn anything since about 8th grade. I've recently taken it up again because I need a more efficient way to express my feelings. I've taken a great liking to surrealism or ironic art. But also incorporating my favorite lyrics into a piece is fascinating. So far I've embellished upon "Fireflies" by Owl City. The next one is probably going to be on "Before the Lobotomy" by Green Day.


Man Without A Face

He didn't have a face
Because I couldn't picture it.

He didn't have a face.
His feature marred
By the stinging effects
Of some acid or base.
His ears were gone,
How could he hear?

He wore dark glasses
Because his eyes were
Disfigured as well.

He carried a poster about
How he got the scars
And how reconstructive
Surgery would help him.

I wanted to read it,
But it's rude to stare.
Yet I did--just not
At him.

I don't remember
Blinking much,
But then he stood in
My line of vision.

And I could remember thinking,
That it's because of
Scared people like me
He get money for looking
The way he does.

Just like the child in The
felt abandoned
And alone because his own
Mother hid him from the
World because of his scars,
Maybe this man feels the same.

Or maybe he's got a strong support
System to help him through the
Bad feelings until he gets his surgery.

I hope people can see passed
The scary scars so that if
He gets the surgery, it's for his
Own reasons, not so he can
Fit in.


My Cookie-Making Adventure (R.P.)

I was sitting around last night wanting to do something productive. But I was in the middle of statistics homework so that didn't go over too well. YET my mind got fixated on the idea of making cookies. So I made some today.

They are delicious =]


Brain Burst

Like starburst,
Except more traumatic.

I didn't know
That I'd get to the point
That there is a difference
Between daily and abnormal anxieties.

A daily anxiety deals
With mainly school.
Like whether I'll do well
Bio or seem like a total tool.

An abnormal revolves
College and the future.
Like whether or not I'll still
End up like this
Or show those damn angry
Feelings that I am better than
They think I am
Because they think I suck.

But I think I know
That I'm pretty
And smart and stuff
And those feelings
Need to stop telling me I'm lame.


Playing Hard To Get

I don't know if I'm trying too hard.
I don't think I'm trying at all.
I think I'm just going with what
Feels right.
Or what seems right, rather.
It's really confusing.

But I guess I'm soon on my
Way towards achieving a
Ph. D. in playing hard to get
And being really aloof.

And I think my iTunes
Hates me.
It's playing all the music
I really shouldn't be listening
To right now.

I think the rain might be doing something
To my brain.


Paranormal Activity (M.R.)

I waited after I tried sleeping to write the movie review. Even though I wasn't totally horrified, sleeping was a challenge. Especially with my upstairs neighbors who are really loud...or is it my neighbors?

Anyway, Paranormal Activity was really fun to watch. I do not want to say that it was the scariest movie I have ever seen, but any movie that elicits a whimper on my part earns some sort of badge. The suspense built-up pretty well; I was on the edge of my seat during every night seat. The actors/ characters worked really well together. Except I think it could have been scarier...with more exorcist-like scenes.

The night scenes freaked me out. Not to the point where sleep was nigh improbable, but I did become more aware of noises going on at night or in the evening. For example, when I got home, there was really loud stomping noises coming from the ceiling. I thought nothing of it and continued doing my statistics homework. Then suddenly, THE WALL SHOOK. I almost cried. Movies like that have a bad habit of making you more aware of noises that probably happen all the time but seem ten times creepier now that you're half-convinced your house might have a demon or a poltergeist.

The couple was really cute. Katie and Micah had much chemistry, but I wanted to KILL him mid-movie when he ignored Katie's terror and warnings about antagonizing the ghost. One woman in the theater agreed with me. She was pretty vocal about it, stating a definite "oh HELL no" when Micah further antagonized the ghost. (I'm trying to keep this spoiler free). If you check the rating for the movie, it is R for language. Sometimes the lines come out sounding like two teenagers trying to one-up each other in number of curse words said, but it makes for great entertainment.

The plot bothered me a bit. It didn't seem to exist. It was one of those "we can't solve the problem, so let's it play out" endings. And the filmmakers could have included more freaky scenes that would freak the couple out when they watched the playback. I think if the movie came out at a much simpler time when explosions and gore were not the only things that scared the stuff out of people, it would be more successful plot-wise.

Overall, it was a fun movie, but seeing it again would definitely just ruin it.

Rating: 7/10


Blogging Will Go On Hold (R.P.)

I'm doing NaNoWriMo this year. So blogging will go on hold. Unless I have something cool to announce.

If there are any...


Rant-ish? (N.a.P.)

I want a guy who isn't a total douchebag, who is absolutely gorgeous inside, who has something cute about him on the outside, who doesn't have any mental disorders (e.g., depression, bipolar, etc.), and who can have a relationship sex-less. I want someone who will stay with me for a long time. Someone who I can love when they are sad and be happy in my place when I am sad. The guy who doesn't freak out over distance, because we'd be together soon-ish. The guy who will introduce me as his girlfriend and won't be afraid to take me home to mom. A dude that won't pressure me to make out with him, and doesn't expect kisses every five seconds. Who will go with me to my silly concerts and invite me to his, regardless of whether or not I'm a fan of the venture (except strip clubs, I'll never go to one).

Why am I posting this? Because I think this is the first time I've concretely declared what I want in a guy. And I'm going to wait. No more stupid like..."waiting period" relationships where you just date people just to get dumped and then discover something awesome. It's stupid. And I sort of feel blinded for my need to be cared for somehow. Exclusively. I care about so many people, like I make sure they're okay. And I want someone who aren't my parents, my girl friends, or my taken friends to do so. And for me to feel the same way.



Jude Law (R.P.)

He's yummy. I saw him on stage today in Hamlet. He looks AMAZING in pajamas.

Just saying.


Where the Wild Things Are (M.R.)

This is possibly the cutest movie I have ever seen. I'm serious. There many cute moments, but sometimes the seriousness seemed rather inappropriate, especially since the movie was based on a children's novel. It seems to resonate more with mature audiences than the youngsters the book was intended for.

The cinematography and visuals were incredible! I think the mix of puppetry and CGI worked beautifully together. The way the camera realistically followed Max when he ran and during the rumpus felt so real. And the wild things were the perfect combination of pretty scary and absolutely snuggly. I totally want a giant plush toy of one in my room...just kidding.

But though there were many childish, fun moments, like the dirt clod fight, the movie also dealt with serious feeling such as betrayal, love, and loneliness. Those parts made the movie a bit kid inappropriate, but it successfully appealed to all age groups.

I recommend this movie for people who like really nostalgic, sentimental pieces. And those who want to feel like a kid again.

Rating: 7/10


Fulfilling the Warning (R.P.)

Yeah, so I didn't make the cut for that scholarship thing I tried out. I guess my parents earn too much money for it or I'm just not good enough for it. But I just hate getting rejected. It sucks. I've been victim to it many times since 5th grade.
But that's because my hopefulness makes me stupid half the time. Okay, MOST of the time.

Warning (R.P.)

The actual post coming in later today will either be ridonkulously happy or really miserable. And there definitely will be a movie review later because I'm seeing Where the Wild Things Are with my two friends.
Today should be pretty good...unless I get mauled by an elderly person again. That would suck.



It cleanses.
It's fresh.
It's an amazing substance.

Is there such a thing
For life and stuff?
Where you just like
Wash yourself with it
And everything is clear?

And you suddenly know everything?


"Dear Gloria, Why Are You Standing On The Edge?"

I'm still shocked.
And my mind is just
Driving me to the edge of

I almost don't want to flirt.
Because that means people
Will start liking me.
And I'll go back on the same kind
Of roller coaster ride
That my mind has been through
These passed few days.

What's killing me?
All the words he said
When we were still together.
The silence now is not golden.
It's a killer.

I'm starting question whether
He meant them.
Or just said them to drag
Me into the deep well of love
I had fallen in,
Just to get sealed up
And drowned by my own feelings.

And yet...
All these "secret" physical
Attractions I've had towards people
In recent weeks
Are coming out.

They're all people
Who are inaccessible.


Music (R.P.)

Airborne Toxic Event is one of the greatest bands ever. Thank you VH1 for introducing them to me.



My heart pines for you.
SO badly.
When my music and my television is off...


I know you want me to be happy
With someone who will "actually support" me.

But I was happy with you.
And I'm still happy loving you.
I still love you.

Because you're you.
Even if you feel like shit,
I know you're not.

And I understand if you can't
Give me the support I need right now.
But I want to support you.
And I am.
I so am.

I just wish that
My heart would stop crying.

I'm afraid of drowning.
And water bubbles forming in my veins.
And my blood pressure going
To record highs because
Of all the salt.


The Complexes I Have With My Subconscious (G.W.D.Y.M.M.S.L.)

Setting: Dream #1

Subconscious Me (S.M.): Hey boy, you're cute.

Subcoscious Boy: So are you...

*They get snuggling*

Real Me (R.M.): OMG!!! WTF!!! ABORT MISSION! *goes back to sleep*

Setting: Dream #2: In an apartment building with ex...in a bed.

Dream Ex: Hey so I wanted to tell you that...*puts arm around her*

S.M.: Yeah...?

Dream Ex: I never actually wanted to break up with you...I mean, I know I'm single and you're taken, but like...if you're ever not...

*They lean in for a kiss...*


Why I'm So Lame: Dream cheating and real cheating are both as bad. The first is slightly worse. Because it can lead to the second. Why do I keep jolting awake? Because I don't want either to happen. Because I am hopelessly in love.


Today Was Good Day (N.a.P.)

I took the SAT but I think I did really well. I afterward scored a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks. I actually love Starbucks. It kind of pisses One Guy off, the store, not me buying from it.

Anyway, I then went to Bloomingdales and bought a super cute tube top. I just need a black skirt to go with it. And the black boots I want to get. Abercrombie was quite empty, which made me quite happy. But the fact that I was in Abercrombie with her made Papaya rather uncomfortable. But then we went to a street fair and she had a blast! Besides really cute, inexpensive accessories. I have a feeling that I will blow my entire UrbanOutfitters giftcard on accessories.

Anyway, I also realized that I like guys who are reminiscent of rock stars. One Guy totally looks like Bob Dylan in one of his pics and I think that is super hot...damn, I'm weird.


I Hate Waking Up (R.P.)

My subconscious is really pissing me off. IT NEEDS TO STOP MESSING AROUND WITH PEOPLE WHO AREN'T ONE GUY. Seriously. I have to wake myself up from a dream so that nothing really bad happens. Because I love One Guy. He's so cute and sweet.


What Hurts

I've been going on
Dream-dates lately
That aren't with you.


It's not like
Anything happens,
But it's just like the Sims 2:
It's still cheating
Even if you're on a date
Doing nothing.

And as much
As it hurts you
To read this
(If you ever do)...

It hurts me more.

I hate that my subconscious
Is wandering, pivoting
From every guy I know
Skipping over you.

And it's because
I feel like
I'm not in your life
Right now.

Like I'm being
Skipped over.

And I don't want you
To quit your job
Or do something crazy
Like that.

But I do want to
Capture your attention
From time to time.

And for longer than half an hour.


Stress (R.P.)

Stress has been eating up all my me-time and blog-time so I'm sticking to the random posts for now. They're short and easy...like hookers. Well, the average high schooler's perception of a hooker. I've never been to a strip club so I would not know. Aside from that, I think Kill Hannah has a new album. So does AFI, except I'm scared to be extremely disappointed by the emo direction they've gone in. DECEMBERUNDERGROUND is such a guilty pleasure.


It's One of Those Nights (R.P.)

So ever get those nights when you want to pamper yourself silly? I'm getting one of those ^-^. Except, I wish I had some bubble bath. Nevertheless, I need to relax and also give myself a pat on the back for not having total meltdowns over everything that's been bugging me.

YAY Self-love.

Why I Fell For You In The First Place

So I know we haven't
Been talking as much
As we used to.

But instead of freaking out
I'm reminding the both
Of us why I fell for you.

I fell for the sweet guy
From upstate New York.
Who first told me
That he loved me
Out of nowhere.

I honestly thought that
We were just friends
And I didn't think you cared that much.

You're also gorgeous.
I think statues should be
Made of you.

And you're really mature.
I love that.
Sure, you play WoW
And D&D
But aside from that
You know what you want
You have a plan.

And you're a gentleman.


College Essay Thoughts

I'm marvelous.
I can do this.
I write these goddamn essays.
In under six hours.
And they will be awesome.
And I won't let my stomach
Distract me too much from them.
And I will prevail.



My First Leadership Position

Five foot two,
Not exactly the most
Person out there.

I've never been chosen for anything,
But I'm kind of running my school's
Engineering team-club.

And I'm excited
And welcoming the challenge.

I can barely keep myself
In line and organized.
But whatever,
I think I can manage.

I think.


Short Entry

My stomach hates me.
My boyfriend's ignoring me.
My stress is attacking me.
My hating-self-voice came back.

This will end soon.
I hope.


Cold (N.a.P.)

I would much rather feel cold than hot. Because cold doesn't require exposing skin. You can layer and layer and hide in millions of layers of clothing.

But my fingers would still be cold. Gloves don't do much. Mittens are just inconvenient...like, imagine trying to take out metrocards and crap with mittens on. I know you can take them off, but exposes my fingers. Which is not good.

It's kind of funny, really. In winter, I have to watch the color of my fingernails. My hands could be cold, but once they start turning white, purple, and even blue, I know I am freezing and need to fix it somehow.

So useless, fashionable gloves, it is =[


Boyfriend Dearest, Where Art Thou?

Boyfriend dearest,
I miss the long nights
We'd have of videocamming
And chatting
About anything
And everything.
I miss when I'd get
A chance to vent to you
About stuff that's on my mind
And you wouldn't be too tired
To listen.
Or tired to the point
That you can't take my

Where are you?
You'd be home at 9:30
But you're not online
Or on phone.
I don't wonder where you
Are because I'm paranoid
About you cheating on me
Or some bullshit like

It's because I care.
I want to know you're safe
And okay
But most of all happy.
I just hope you're
As happy as I am
When I think of you
When you think of me.

I'm still happy being
Your girl.
I just wish I could
Be with you more often.


VMAs (T.V.C.)

So the dance tribute to Michael Jackson was fun to watch. Because Michael Jackson...even though he touched children (allegedly), his music is still awesome. Katy Perry ruining "We Will Rock You"? Not so much. Not at ALL.

But Russell Brand is so funny. I don't know if it's because he's British or what. Commentary on his magic wand tucked in his pants and health care and the clarification on the word "fanny." And Lady GaGa giving him boners. Her outfit was beyond bizarre, by the way. But Shakira's was gorgeous.

And Taylor Swift got best female performer video or something like that. It has a really good, cute plot and song attached to it. But why does Kanye need to be a jerk? Taylor Swift DID NOT deserve that. I would've been about to cry too.

And of course, Green Day wins best rock video. Because they are Green Day. I'm slightly biased because they have been my favorite band since 8th grade. Taylor Swift wins because she performed in the subway. I can't think of many famous people who would do that. I know Metro Station did it, but they're kind of lame now.

Um 3oh!3 live...I'd see them anyway. Because I love them. Lady Gaga's entrance was genius. She's a great performer. I don't care what anyone has to say about that either. No one can doubt: the woman has talent. Bleeding on stage was slightly genius...although kind of weird at the same time. Ok, REALLY weird. At all times.

Britney won best pop video with "Womanizer." It's a great, catchy song and not annoying, unlike "Single Ladies." The mere mention of the song title gets it stuck in my head. But Green Day performed "East Jesus Nowhere," which I have a feeling will be the next single/ music video. They are crazy good live and I get a rush whenever I see them perform. Beyonce's "Single Ladies" should be forbidden off the air. It's probably the greatest brain crack ever...for the reason mentioning above.

T.I. won best male video...I have nothing to say about that. Haha, shocker, I know. And then Muse performed. I love them almost as much as Green Day. Their new album will be amazing. I can feel it. Well, I've heard most of it, but that's besides the point. Anyway, Eminem won best hip-hop video. I like "We Made You"--pokes good fun at all my favorite reality TV shows, especially rock of love. Because it was the best.

Lady GaGa took home best new artist and P!nk is performing several feet above the stage with a sticker covering her nipple. The acrobatics is quite amazing. I mean, it is about being high and the melody is befitting of the performance. And I doubt most people can sing hanging upside down.

I think I'm done. I'm tired, but this was a good awards show.


I Hate the Way I Get

I hate the way I get
When I PMS.
When I'm upset
And crying
Because my boyfriend
Doesn't want to pass out
At work the next morning.

I hate the way I get
When I PMS.
When he says "bbs"
And my mind tells me
That he's not chilling with the 'rents
And rather getting heated up
With another girl.

I hate the way I get
When I PMS.
When I feel that deep down
I'm no good.
For anyone,
Anything, or
Any cause.

I hate when I read
Into things too much when I PMS.
When a "happy" (a simple
Phrase meant to make me smile)
Needs a definition
Or an explanation.

I hate the way my
Mind just goes off on tangents
That have to do with nothing
That just get me so upset.
Like that I'm not going to make
It through the year happily.
And how he's probably never going to move
And stay in upstate New York-Canada.
And that we'll never see each other.

Someone tell my head that what it's
Telling me is all bs?


The Vampire Diaries Ep 1 (T.V.C.)

So, due to all this vampire pop culture stuff strolling around (Twilight, True Blood, etc.), I decided to check out this series. From the previews, it didn't seem as ridiculous as Twilight, and not as pornographic as True Blood.

Now, I have read the first book of Twilight and did not find it exciting at all. But this, I feel, seems grounded in more real emotions. The Elena's parents died in a tragic accident, so it's understandable that she keeps a diary and to herself. The guy seems more real...not a sparkly perfect pale guy who skulks around rooms at night. Stefan, the vampire, has some real conflict going on, unlike Edward. Plus, there seem to be more high school experiences: class, drinking parties, chilling at bars and stuff. This mimics True Blood more, since one of the key settings is the bar where Sookie works. The soundtrack is fantastic. It is very upbeat and fits the mood and definitely teen friendly.

In terms of conflict, it goes between friends and family, which is refreshing since it lessens the Twilight-ness feel of the show. I am a sucker for family conflict in movies and stuff. If that's not enough motivation to check it out, Stefan's brother is really hot.

I actually like this series. Although, you never know can come next in terms of series quality.

Rating for the first episode: 7/10


Sleep (G.W.D.Y.M.M.S.L.)

Setting: Evening, online


PMSingMoron92: *cries*

SweetAttentiveBoy007: *Snuggles*

SweetAttentiveBoy007: But hey, I'm gonna go to sleep. I know it's only 9.

PSMingMoron92: Aw...

SweetAttentiveBoy007: I have to put my clothes away.

SweetAttentiveBoy007: And make my bed.

SweetAttentiveBoy007: I love you. *kisses*

PMSingMoron92: :( okay.

*SweetAttentiveBoy007 signed off*

Phone of PMSingMoron92: Text me at least?

Phone of SweetAttentiveBoy007: I'll try.

Phone of PMSingMoron92: So you're actually going to sleep and stuff?

Phone of SweetAttentiveBoy007:...yes.

PMSy Girl: UGH I THOUGHT HE CARED ABOUT ME!! BLAH he's probably screwing some other chick, or coming out of the closet. Or maybe I'm not good enough. THAT'S WHY I CAN'T GET INTO COLLEGE! I'm not interesting enough, I have nothing to talk about. Maybe I should just send them my blog. NO! The neverending stream of blahness would kill the administrators. God, I'm so hungry, but I don't want to be a fatass...


Why I'm So Lame: I am a PMSing moron when I'm PMSing. I say the most ridiculous crap ever. Thank God I am rational enough the know that I am a moron when I PMS and that's why my boyfriend won't snuggle with me in cyber land. I wish cyberland were real. We'd be getting it on every week and snuggling every second that we're not offline. Is the lameness infecting your head yet?


Party Hard? (G.W.D.Y.M.M.S.L.)

Setting: Basement, tables with alcohol and orange juice and coca cola, two chicks in their undies and two fully clothed.

Clothed Chick 1: (laughs hysterically) I think I've had way too much fun.

Clothed Chick 2: I don't think I've had enough fun. More Jack please?

Undie Chick 1: (pours some vodka) I think I'm going to die alone.

Undie Chick 2: I think I'm going to die a virgin...it's been a year.

Clothed Chick 2: It's been 15.

Clothed Chick 1: (points fingers at both of them) Stop being mopey!

Clothed Chick 2: I'm fat...

Clothed Chick 1: (Unnecessarily loud) NO YOU'RE NOT! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

(Two girls in undies have disappeared)

Clothed Chick 1: I think they went to relieve their loneliness.

Clothed Chick 2: Goddammit. I wish I was into girls.

Clothed Chick 1: I am...screw my boyfriend!

(Proceeds to make out)


Why I'm So Lame:
I didn't have any fun. Well not with that stuff. But I did get unnecessarily loud. And Clothed Chick 2 never said that. She's doesn't wish she were into girls. I just made it more crude to conceal the happiness that's called a heart-to-heart afterwards. And no, I never said screw my boyfriend and no girl-on-girl action took place that night.

Sorry, guys.

Being Happy Has Killed My Blogging Skills

It has.

And I feel stupid writing
About what makes me happy
Because blogs are pretty
Characteristic with people
Either A) Being insecure
B) Being unhappy
or C) Talking about dreams and whatnot.

You know what?
I'm going to be creative
And start writing a

It's like a novel...
And a blog...



Tool Academy 202 (T.V.C.)

I don't think girls should hit guys. If they do, they deserve a smack back. That's a double standard that shouldn't be accepted. Like, sure it's lame that a girl does one guy and she's a whore and guy does ten girls and he's a hero, but NO ONE should have to go through physical abuse like that.

I do think mild flirting is okay. Like if you think a girl has a cute look, you can compliment her as long as I get compliments too. I get attention too. I dislike double standards, obviously. But these couples need to start talking more or the girl should stop being paranoid, like the chick whose boyfriend collects numbers. If he's never cheated and just has the numbers and does nothing with them, it should not be an issue. If One Guy got a few chicks' numbers and I was still the main girl in his life that he dreams about at night and thinks about during the day, I'm okay. As long as there's not physical contact other than a hug.



Needing an Intervention

Nice breasts
Covered by
Band tees
And obnoxious
Neck scarfs.

Hair teased up
Breaking the
Holy laws of physics.
Adorned by
And weird colored

That's how they do it
On Myspace, now.

Pretty eyes
Enhanced by
And neon.

Black nails,
Bright shoes,
Tighter pants,
Oh my.

Skinny bitches,
With fat egos.
Short kids
With high self-esteem.
Get over it
And learn the new me.


Oh Myspace

If you're pretty and you know it
Clap your hands.
If you're pretty and you know it
Clap your hands.
If you're pretty and you know it
And you really want to believe it,
Then if you're pretty and you know it
Clap your hands.

If your boobs are cantaloupes,
Jump up and down,
If your boobs are cantaloupes,
Jump up and down.
If your boobies are like giants
And you do not wanna hide it,
If your boobs are cantaloupes,
Jump up and down.

If your boyfriend is gorgeous,
Give him a hug.
If your boyfriend is gorgeous,
Give him a hug.
If your boyfriend is gorgeous,
And you want to acknowledge it,
Then if your boyfriend is gorgeous,
Give him a hug.

If you're an asshole and you know it,
Don't give a fuck.
If you're an asshole and you know it,
Flip them off.
If you're an asshole and you've got an ego
And you've no need to conceal it,
Then if you're an asshole and you know it,
Don't give a crap.


Dream I Had Last Night

It was the two of us
Bathed in a soft light no
Lamp or candle can mimic.
And you, in your glory of
masculine perfection,
Come to me and leave a
Spark on my lips.

One spark
Leads to another and more
Until we find ourselves
Revealed in a true state
Of naturalness, fueled
By the electricity
That is our love.

And then we two
Become one, like
Droplets, delicate and small,
Come together to form a
A cloud, large and powerful.
Our voices ring in unison, our
Breaths the string section of a symphony.

And after the final release,
One becomes two again.
And you drape your arm over
Me, like I drape my blanket
Keeping me warm in the
Cold separation that is the night.
Until morning, when we can speak again.


Ten Things I Learned from Taking Woodstock (M.R.)

  1. Naked Hippies Are Not Hot: No, I do not care if it's free chance to see boobs swinging around and whatnot. It's not hot. If it's not mine and not my boyfriend's I do not want to see it.
  2. Don't Eat the Special Brownies: I would be terrified if my parents started jumping around and laughing hysterically the same way they probably were when they were 20 and madly in love. Though it would probably be hysterically funny afterwards.
  3. Don't Get High Before Having to Speak in Public: The weirdest crap comes out of your mouth...like the fact that the concert you're hosting is free and magically over a million people want to join in on the fun.
  4. Dimitri Martin Should Stick to Sketch Comedy: I love the guy. Really, I do. But he can't really seem to act. Like, his role reminded me too much of himself on the show than the Elliot he was to portray on the screen. Good thing I liked his humor though.
  5. Mudslides Are Fun: I really want to do that...I don't care if it's with thousands of other strangers, I just want to give it a spin.
  6. The Woodstock Festival Should Have Its Own Movie: Honestly, there was not enough about it. I felt like it focused too much on the financial and design aspect of the concert and not the music. I learned tons about hippie culture though. Not so much about the music. I'm sure it is super difficult to get lookalikes or something stand in for the actual bands, but a little effort would be nice.
  7. My Parents Are Sane: My mother isn't harboring 97,000 dollars in her closet and is scared of revealing it just so I can stay home and pull them out of debt. I'm serious. My parents are sane compared to that.
  8. Hiring Ex-Army Transvestites As Security Works: I'd rather have a really scary burly man-woman as a bouncer to any party than a scary burly man. GO VILMA!
  9. Bats Make Great Weapons: I'm guessing people in that era didn't like to use guns to ward off unfriendly people. Swinging at people with a bat seems to work better than just standing there threateningly with a gun.
  10. I Like Movies With Plots: It seemed to be having so much potential at the beginning. Then the plot direction died. Really, it did. Along with the music of Woodstock that wasn't actually present in the movie.


The Conflict Everyone Wonders About

Chocolate or vanilla?
Pepsi or coke?
Mac or PC?
Boys or girls?

Rugged good looks
Or beautiful cute curves?
Big bear hugs
Or delicate subtle touches?

What do you do
When you think the
Rugged good looks of one gender
Can totally satisfy your every need?

Though you love the chiseled look
Of a perfect 6 or 8 pack
And the soothing feeling
Of a deep man voice,
You still want the delicacy
That is smooth curves
And voice more melodic
Of a higher range.

People always wonder
How someone with
Such diverse tastes deals
With the cravings
And the conflict of interest.

For me,
It's making myself
As much of a woman as possible.
So I can look at myself
And be fully satisfied.

In all ways.


The Hangover [M.R.]

If I had my blog since freshman year, I don't think the amount of what the hell moments would come anywhere near what these dudes experienced in 48 hours. I have nothing bad to say. It was just a fantastic ride.

Now, I cannot see most trips to Vegas ending well. Like, I've been there but I wasn't there to drink, gamble and have tons of forgettable fun, because I was 16 at the time. But the situations get even more and more bizarre. Most disturbing: the naked Asian man with no junk in the trunk. That was terrible.

I felt bad for Doug though. His friends left him on a roof. I doubt he even remembered getting on the roof. The pictures at the end were funny...and kind of weird. Especially when watching it with your aunt.

I love how this review has no structure. But that's because I have no complaints.

Rating: 9.5/10


My Goals For Senior Year (N.a.P.)

Top 10 List:

  1. Get above a 90 in every subject
  2. Learn to be confident
  3. Finally write my college essays
  5. See One Guy
  6. Have fun
  7. Put effort into speech team
  8. Enjoy my extracurriculars
  9. Become good enough at guitar to get an electric one
  10. Get above 2300 on the SAT


Inglourious Basterds (Movie Review)

Inglourious Basterds Pictures, Images and Photos
Not your average Nazi flick, I have to say. Historically, pretty inaccurate and spot-on at the same time. I liked the movie for its plot and Brad Pitt's character. I didn't really like earliness of the suspense.

The plot is amazing. Remember that movie, Valkyrie? Same base plot line: let's take out Hitler and his higher officials. Except more exciting, European, and definitely more gore. Basically, it serves as a much better movie. Seriously? It's Nazi-occupied France during the Second World War. That was way scarier in this movie than in Valkyrie, but I digress. The characters were hard to follow in terms of names, but the main ones were truly memorable. The French girl, her laugh is the creepiest thing I've ever heard. Her story is really tragic though. I felt bad.

Speaking of characters, I'm not that big a fan of Brad Pitt. Honestly, I cannot even name the films of him that I've seen...wait, I saw Babel and Sinbad. But I haven't seen the so-called classics like Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the Ocean's movies. Anyway, his portrayal as Aldo Raine was amazing. Especially since it's a Tarantino film, his characters are hardcore and pretty intimidating. I would NOT want to cross that man...even if I were trying to be a brave Nazi Sergeant or what not. The accent amused me too...I haven't heard anything so American since I talked to Spike at Brown (he has a Souther accent). But yeah, loved his character.

Only issue: the suspense started a bit too early. I don't know if it was the movie's fault or if it is because I had seen the Halloween II trailer just minutes before. Like the first scene...I was almost ready to wet myself, but I don't know if it's cause of that or because I know what happens to people generally when a Nazi official comes over to a person's house who is harboring Jews. Or maybe it's because I was half-expecting Michael Myers to pop out and machete everyone. Not sure which.

Overall, great movie. I've already recommended it to most people I know.

Rating: 9/10


Nothing To Write About (N.A.P.)

I've been listening to alot of The Airborne Toxic Event and American Idiot.

Guess what mood I'm in =D


Once Again

So once again
We tried to go to home
With each other using
Words and sounds.

And then my phone stopped
Working or he lost service
Or something else wrong
Pretty wrong.

But I think
I'm being ridiculous
About this whole
Issue we're having
But I guess
My last
Entry was fucking stupid.

Because at midnight
When I fall asleep
He's the only one
On my mind
Even though our relationship
Isn't perfect.

But at the last moment
When my eyes close
And REM kicks in,
He's the only one
I care about.


To Swing Or Not To Swing?

To swing or not to swing?
That is the question.
When times with one person get rough.
Is it worth risking
Their trust,
Their love,
Their respect
For you to get
Something you want?

I feel like a she-wolf.
Like the one described by Shakira.
Ready to do anything
To get freedom
And gratification.

I don't want either.
I just want you.
You won't give yourself.

Where else can I get you?


Just Dance

Dancing in the rain

Poetry slam
At a place where
I felt out of place
With people
I just met
Was a bit boring.

Once it was time
To go home
And relax,
The rain came.

So did the music.
And the dance.
And the songs.

This was after
Having an amazing lunch with
A really good friend.

Today was a great day.


Working Out

Yoga Sun at any beach of the World

On Saturday,
It was an attempt
At yoga.
I could not feel my hips.

On Sunday,
It was an attempt
At flirty girl fitness.
I could not feel any sillier.

It was back to my comfort zone.
My skepticism won.

The next battle?
My skepticism vs. the ab lounge.


Forest Heat, Personal Fail

Forest Foam

Walking through the forest
With a good friend
Sharing good conversation
Avoiding gnats,
Pictures are galore.

Photographs of things
I see at least once a year
With picnik in a new light.

But as for actually doing things?
Walking back through the forest,
Going the same way,
Back to the lake,
I swam.

Not the best attempt.
But an attempt,


My Job In the Hospital (N.a.P.)

So, for the passed four weeks I've been working my hospital job. At first it was pretty interesting, like I got to watch someone get their ACL repaired. Okay, that seemed kind of gross, but whatever. People bleed all the time. Except when I'm bleeding, it's the end of the world. Really, it is. No one would be able to update this blog if I'm dead.

But then it shortly got boring. I haven't filed or organized so many papers in my life. I was getting papercuts from the shredder. It was awful haha. But then this nice lady gave me work to do filling out forms to "grade" anesthesilogists on their work. That was interesting.

My two office mates were the BEST. One had the most psychotic sense of humor and the other is just really nice. They kept me sane during the back pain and shoulder pain of filing. Shredding was fun, at first. It got irritating after a while.

But I think my first real job experience was a good one.



I don't think I'll be the one
That's behind.
I'm a little nerdy girl with
Tons of attitude.
It's spelled itself out well
In my personal essay.
I think I'm a pretty good girl
Except when you piss me off
I can get bad,
So stay off my bad side
And I'll see you at the better end.

Weight loss is starting to get so futile.
I can fit into skinny jeans
And wear frilly skirts.
I don't what's worse than I'm giving up
Or my angry isn't letting me do what I want.


I Want to Give Up

Weight loss
Is getting to be too

Like, there's no way
I'll be as thin
And fit
As the girls at the gym.

My body shape that I inheritted
From my mom's side of the
Really doesn't favor
Short skirts
Or anything too sexy.

Why. Am. I. Trying?


Trip to MoMA

I won't call myself
An artist
Because the last thing
I drew was an emo kid
Playing a bass about
Two years ago.

But I do know
What can be
Considered art.

When my mother and I
Went to MoMA,
I failed to understand
Why some of the stuff
Was there.

A red stripe on the wall
Is considered art.
That's about as absurd
That boyishly-skinny
Women are considered
Beautiful and curvy.

And hair that look like
Your cat had seen a rat
In it and had a spazz attack
In it is super hot.

What I'm trying to say,
It's that because it's
And cool doesn't
Mean it actually takes skill.

Except for some paintings.
Like Picasso and Dali.


Hanging Out for 6 Hours

Hanging out for so long
Wandering Union Square
With the same person
Is so fun.

Getting bitched out
Because dad doesn't
Understand that not
Every family is normal
Is not fun.

Losing three pounds
After eating food I actually like.


Police Women of Broward County (Commentary)

Holy shit, that show is intense. Well, not really. The situations the people they arrest get into. All of them are druggies. ALL OF THEM. It's crazy. And the neighborhood they work and raise kids in is really sketchy.

But I give them credit. I would not be able deal with those people, live in that area, or be a cop. Hence why I'm sticking to pharmacy and interior design.


They Won't Be Around (Song)

When people go to Catholic school
Especially the girls
People expect you to become whores
But not you.

When your dad sent you to a Catholic place
He definitely meant well.
But then you met some teenage kids
And you fell. You fell.

You fell in love with a prickly plant
That can only be grown
On ex-communist sand.
Communist sand.

Yet you fall.
And the people who got you
So hard in love let you fall.

In the place of nowhere
Where are they now?
They're not around.
They're not around.

When we were young I always thought you'd be
the smart, responsible cool kids.
But darlings can't you see?
Your mom's rolling around in her grave.

When I heard you were sneaking out
Passed 11. Nothing good could come out
Of it. You met with bad people
And look at where you are now.

You fell in love with a powdery dust
That can only be collected
On ex-communist sand.
Communist sand.

Yet you fall.
And the people who got you
So hard in love let you fall.

In the place of nowhere
Where are they now?
They're not around.
They're not around.

They won't be around.



I do the same thing everyday.
I file papers everyday.
I fill out charts everyday.

I do the same thing everyday.
I file papers everyday.
I fill out charts everyday.

I do the same thing everyday.
I file papers everyday.
I fill out charts everyday.

I do the same thing everyday.
I file papers everyday.
I fill out charts everyday.

I do the same thing everyday.
I file papers everyday.
I fill out charts everyday.

And then I party.


InStyler (Rant)

It is probably the most complicated hair product I've ever seen. It is a cross between a curling iron and a straightener...minus the hot plates. It comes with a built-in brush, cool. But it seems like it does more curling and flipping than actual straightening.

But I think what got me the most was the fact that they complain that regular straighteners do so much damage. Honestly, they do. But not as much if you use heat protection products and straightener your hair the right way. I'm not an expert on hair, but plenty of articles in magazines and websites say that when straightening, you have to pull the straightener down in one, smooth motion. Not crimp your hair with it as demonstrated in the infomercial.

Haha, I sort of feel this is the kind of rebuttal Josh Hillis would give some new "revolutionary" workout machine. It'd be nice if he could debunk or prove things like Flirty Girl Fitness and that weird ab machine that you swing on.


My Course Schedule (Song Thing)

AP Spanish
AP Bio
AP English
AP Statistics

I didn't get any
Of the fun classes
That I wanted to take.

So instead my school
Gave me all the worst
Classes ever.

My schedule...
Is so packed...

I'm gonna have to wave
My sex life good bye
Put my life love
On the back burner.

Wait, usually when stuff
Goes on the back burner
It sets itself on fire
Maybe that's what'll happen.

My schedule...
Is so packed...

Will I have time,
To take care of myself?
This hectic array of APs
Really truly sucks.

My friends will forget
What my face looks like
Since I'll be so fucking busy.

My schedule...
Is so packed...


Fun Times

Hanging out after
A long week of work is great.

Watching Charm School 3
When it's mostly about moms...

Not so good.

Talking to One Guy
Makes me feel better.
And I wish I could
Have more time to talk to him
About my problems and stuff.
Maybe not so much problems,
But issues and feelings I'm having.
Because I feel that I can trust him.
I know I can trust him.
I want to.



As I was walking down the street
With my iPod on shuffle, our song came on
And it really got me thinking
Since we made it this far...

It's been almost three months...
Three fucking months.

Because you've got to understand,
I'm pretty paranoid because
Most of my relationships have
Only lasted that long.

And I'm sorry that I'm being a bit
Weird right now, even though you might
Need me for emotional support
Because work sucks, it's fucking hard.

Especially in an economy like this,
You don't need a silly girlfriend
Compromising that form of stability...

So I won't be silly...
But I'll stay your girlfriend. <3


The Ugly Truth: A Movie Review

For a rated R movie, this one was absolutely adorable. Sure, there were many x-rated jokes only teens would make with their friends, but the ending was cute. Papaya mentioned that the change in the female character came out of nowhere, but I disagree.

The jokes were great...I was probably cracking up more than most people in the theater. But I am assuming that I was one of the younger people there. But still. My favorite moment was in the beginning when she initially calls Mike's show and he calls her ugly because she cannot get a guy. The jokes were good, though a bit repetitive...some sounded like things I say on a regular basis.

I think some of the things they said about guys are true: in the end, all relationships lead to the same thing. I bet some people are going to read this and think that they are waiting to marriage...well, that's a relationship, no? Just a bit more permanent...not in the United States, but you get my drift.

And the female in the movie, whose name I forgot, did not change all that suddenly...I mean, how many times have girls been utter bitches before getting asked out by a decent guy and afterwards were the nicest people ever? Like when the guy was calling her back, she already turned a little more laid back. I mean, I would, because One Guy doesn't call me all that often because of shitty service where he lives.

Overall, I thought it was great. Except, definitely worth its R rating.

Rating: 7/10


Do You Know Your Enemy? It's Not Green Day

I have never been to concert as fun as that.
I've never been to a concert that caused such a
Crazy rush of emotions before the band came on.
I've never been to a concert where I started screaming
Like a little hardcore fangirl when the lead singer
Started speaking, let alone singing.
I've never been to a concert with so much graphics.
I've never been to a concert with so much pyrotechnics.
I've never been to a concert where the crowd sang
Most of the songs.
I've never been to a concert where both the opening band
Lead singer and the main event's lead singer randomly
Decided to hang with people in the crowd.
I've never been to a concert where the lead singer tells
People to start rushing forward during a song
Just to get closer to the band.
I've never been to a concert where the lead singer
Told everyone to turn off their cameras and cell phones
To fit the mood of one of their songs since we cannot
Recreate or save "Our Moment" on video.
I've never been to a concert where there's a story told
About arguing with a wife, beating the shit out of some guy
And then telling the wife that you love her
I've never been to a concert where the band randomly
Starts playing
Gun and Roses
Sweet Home Alabama
99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall
Take Me Out to the Ball Game
Show tunes
And Shout
In the middle of their own song.
I've never been to a concert where the band kidded about
Playing a song and then asked the people which song
They should play.
I've never been to a concert where the band stayed
An hour after saying that they were leaving.
I've never been to a concert where people were asked to come
And sing songs
And play a 9-minute song
In front of Madison Square Garden.
I've never been to a concert
Where the drummer not only threw
His drumsticks about five times
But gave out on of his cymbals too.

I feel amazing after that.
Except for the work part.
Waking up at 7:15 sucks.


Daisy of Love (Commentary)

So I've been following Daisy of Love on VH1 (yes, a straight-A student who watches too much VH1, it's possible). It was fun, but the ending was so disappointing and predictable: of course she went with the douchey rock star that bailed on her once. But I guess that's how girls are. When shown a pair of guys, she goes with the douche instead of the nice guy.

I miss my nice guy.


My Ass (An Attempt at Something Stupid and Catchy)

Here me boy,
Don't take a chance,
Don't even try to start
A romance
With me
Because I will
Make you my toy.

I'll tell you
I'm a vegetarian
And your penis
Is no exception
To the "no meat" rule.

I'll make you feel
Just like a fool
And this is what happens
When you hit on taken girls.

Here me, boy,
Don't take a chance,
Don't even try to start
A romance
With me
Because I will
Make you my toy.

I will fuck
With your brain
It will suck
But I'll be entertained.

You're a stupid boy.
You're a stupid boy.

Don't mess with me
Because I'm taken,
You see?
By this dude
Who is hot
And he's everything
You're not.

Hear me, boy,
Don't even try
I don't care if
You're super fly.

Go ahead
Take a chance,
But I'm letting
You know now
That you will be
Quickly shot down.


Personal Best

I think my cycle
Of negativity
Has no end
Because it keeps going on
Into the A.M.

I stay up really late
Crying my eyes
Wishing everything
Would be different.

Like that one time
Called my sophomore
Year, I was left behind
By all my peers.

And I remember how much
That sucked
And I won't forget
And I'll bet
They don't remember a thing.

But that's okay.
I guess things
Are all right
Now that I'm hanging on
To some sliver of hope
That I thought
Didn't exist at all.


500 Days of Summer (A Reaction)

This is a reaction to the movie 500 Days of Summer. I write reviews about movies I can find some humor in, like Harry Potter 6. But I have a certain level of respect for romantic flicks.

What do I mean by respect? I mean, I don't think people should make fun of sappy romance flick relationships...unless it's Romeo and Juliet, because they just wanted to fuck. But like...I feel like most romantic movies I've watched have been about couples that didn't work out. And where love isn't actually a thing, it's just some abstract noun, like justice or God. And...I really want to think it's real.

Like in Juno, I want the hope that two people can be happy forever together. And when I say forever, I don't mean a few days that's so good or so bad that it feels like forever. I mean, let's-grow-old-and-live-and-die-in-each-other's-arms forever. The marriage in the 48 percent that works out. This movie, honestly, made me so guilty about the fight me and One Guy had a few days ago. Sure, we were back to being lovey dovey and absolutely silly and we tried lucid dreaming together. But, I just don't want to fight with him.

I don't.

But it's conflict that makes one grow. It's like trees: you cut off a piece to cause many other branches to grow from the hole. At least that's what stem cell class taught me about trees and growth.

I want something to last more than 3 months. Sure, me and SCBFF were together for 6 months, but we saw each other for three of those...well, I guess that counts as more than 3 months because we actually tried to make it last. It's the other 3-monthers that I don't understand. And I'll be so excited when me and One Guy when we make it passed 3 months and onto...something that's a multiple of 3 months.

I will be so happy.


Research and The Gym

I like rain.
The way it pours.
The way it sounds
When it pours.

The way it always seems to pour
In sync with my emotions.
Maybe I'm sad when it rains
Because I doubt it rains
When I'm sad.

Anyway, it also rains
During painfully
Boring days.

Days when all you do
Is read
And read
And do some more reading
Of online courses
And online journals.

It stopped raining
When I met up with
My Grandson though.
She's fun to chill with.
And no, it's not
Supposed to read
"He's fun to chill with."


My Job (N.a.P.)

So I woke up this morning at 8 to go start my first job. I work at a hospital in the Anesthesia department with these really nice ladies. So, I get to walk around an operating room and check out anesthesia and do research.

Also, I get to wear scrubs and the cover things you put on your head and feet to keep germs out. It's fun. I think I'll have a good time.


Why I'm Losing Weight (Not a Poem)

Okay, so I've told some of my friends that I'm trying to lose weight. And the general reaction was: "YOU LOOK FINE" or "stfu."

It's not about how I look anymore. It's BEYOND that. I know I do not look it, but I am close to being obese, according to many BMI charts. So weight loss is not aesthetic anymore. It is to save my health: now and later.

Plus, losing weight will be beneficial to my health, both mentally and physically. Mentally, I will probably and hopefully be over my body image issue, content in knowing that I weigh what I weighed in middle school. Physically, all the working out will make me feel energetic, fruit clears up skin, vegetables apparently help with energy, and MEAT IS YUMMY.

It is really starting to annoy me how badly people are trying to talk me out of it. I really just need support.