Taken from: just-the-way-you-arent
It's weird not having you.
You're not here.
I can't contact you at all.
(And we used to only talk online because life).
And everyone else in the house has someone to cuddle.

What's weird is I almost feel like I'm just waiting
For you to contact me.
But at the same time,
I worked out,
I watched a documentary based on a show I like,
I ate some really yummy cheese-less, low-carb food,
I worked on a study guide for a class that's really hard...

I've kept myself occupied.

You get so used to socializing
And having someone in the room to spend time with
That when they're not there,
You're not entirely sure what to do with yourself.



Taken from m-a-r-i-n-a-r-a
I had so much vigor at the beginning of the semester.  A certain joie de vivre, if you will.  Enthusiastic about conquering this semester, taking my major-related courses and having a steady relationship, but, alas, I think this semester's kicking my ass harder than I ever wanted it to.  I'm finally taking major-required courses.  I'm taking courses in things I'm interested in.  I'm taking courses about information that I like.  And I still can't crack it.  I legitimately loath that I'm pretty mediocre at everything.  I'd rather have that one thing I'm pretty genius at.  And then major in it.  Oh wait, I've discovered it; it's everything I can't put on a resume.  I can't put "great at making friends," "can make a person feel like they're the number one in my life," and "getting screwed over by people who say they love me" on it.  I'm pretty genius at that last one.  And it tears me up inside.  Because I give so much and have it flung back in my face.

I know that I can be a handful.  I know that I don't make sense most of the time, that I act on impulse, that everything is a great idea until it legitimately isn't.  Or that I plan and plan and work and plan and come up with ideas and make schematics and work and work and STILL nothing comes of it.  Nothing that I want, anyway.  Or something that I do want, but I'm too upset by the fact that the initial outcome didn't happen that I can't see the good in the alternative.  I'm pretty good at that.

But I know that the one time I stop legitimately giving a shit is the time that everything falls through. And someone gets legitimately hurt and can't carry on.  And if I were ever to hurt someone that badly, I don't think I can carry on being myself.  Because being me means being bad at things that matter, but being the best at things that don't necessarily matter in terms of money-making and careers, but in terms of people's lives can be the most important thing ever.


To Everyone I've Ever Dated or Wanted to

Taken from  m-a-r-i-n-a-r-a
I (thought I) loved you,
But we were thirteen.

I (thought I) loved you,
But were freshman in high school
And who knows anything then.

Don't even remember dating you.
People had to vaguely remind me of this.
But then again, sophomore year of high school is blacked out
From my memory.  And I don't want to remember.

I loved you,
But you were at UConn.
And your heart went somewhere else.

I'm not entirely sure how I felt about you.
But you were fun.
And cute.
And I took it way seriously than it needed to be.

I loved you,
But you had depression.
And it wasn't that you had no hope for your life
Or any motivation.
It was how you acted out.
And how there was nothing I could do about it.
And how it's affected me in terms of how people treat me.

I liked you,
But we met 3 weeks before high school ended.
You were the one who got away.

I still love you,
Because you're my best friend.
And we're never going to date.
So that's good.

I thought you were my favorite boy,
But you liked your bong more.
Thanks for being so honest.

I love you,
I think,
I'm not sure.
Something's not clicking.

I think I feel something towards you,
And it's fucking awkward.


My Skill Set

Taken from  yeeeezy 
My skill set is large and varied.
It goes from cooking
To math
To art
To food science
To dressing myself
To being there for people

Even when I can't be there for myself.

It leaves much to be desired.

But not enough to be pursued.

Like the 5000-dollar fancy phone
That everyone wants,
But no one has the money for.

I like to think I'm worth that much.

But maybe there's some employer out there willing to pay the price.

I promise I deliver.

I promise that return in profit that I'll deliver.

Y'all just have to give me a chance.


And You're Not Here Because?

Taken from  nocturnaldesires
I go to bed every day just wanting a hug from you.  Not because I'm sad, just because I want you here.  And I'm so scared of wanting you to be here, because the last time I wanted someone to be there, they didn't come.  And they didn't seem to want to either.  So wanting things breaks my heart a little every time.  But I trust that you won't lie to my like that.  I really hope you don't.


Chinese Summary

The culture shock of Beijing had been overwhelming.  Never before had I see so much that in my culture(s) would be downright unacceptable, such as urinating in a squat, spitting in restaurants, and children doing their business in the street.  But aside from that, the city had been definitely something new to me.  The way not much travels up and areas had ancient buildings, older than Western society, strewn about.  And the Great Wall of China took my breath away, literally and figuratively.  A feat built in 15 years without cranes or any other form of modern technology.

Now Shanghai is a city that caught between two lovers: the exotic East and the modernized West.  The impressive skyline that puts New York city to shame could not be adequately glorified in pictures taken with even the fanciest of cameras.  But there were glimpses of the past, that were still buried under the weight of 6,000 sky scrapers.  But this city was perfect for the young person.  Bars and clubs by night, historical sites by day.  The city I wish we had spent more time in.

Hong Kong, but that city, to me, was a more expensive version of home.  People either lived in a 1 million dollar studio or a 35 million dollar mansion.  Million American money.  Which seems absurd, which is why I had a hard time being able to fully appreciate its largeness.

But overall, I loved the people on the trip.  Some were crazy, some were there, and some I am visiting sometime in the few months.


Flying Across the World

Taken from  c0yotes
Tomorrow, I take off for a part of the world I have never been to.  I'm going to the mystical, novel (to me) land of China.  I look forward to seeing the beautiful gardens in Shanghai, ancient architecture of Beijing, and the modernity of Hong Kong.

But what I also look forward to, is discovering how big the world truly is.  I am going so far from home that, due to time difference, I will be half a day in the future.  While my friends and family are settling into Monday routines, I will be landing in Beijing on Tuesday.  And that blows my mind.

I also look forward to touring a part of the world that I  have never been to and enjoying the food, the fashion, and the culture that is totally unfamiliar to me.


Sleeping Next to Someone During a Heat Wave

Taken from nocturnalwishes
Well, you can't guarantee much sleep.  Sleeping next to someone during a heatwave is like trying to sleep under your favorite blanket in the same conditions.  And what's the worst, is people radiate heat.  Unlike blankets, which trap heat, but I guess people do that too.  And all you want to do usually is snuggle.  Because what else do you do in bed.  Oh wait...I need to get my mind out of the gutter.


My New Room!

Moving in such a pain.  Trying to figure out where things go, what things stay, what gets put up on the wall, what gets put on a desk.

How to arrange books without having a book shelf.  And buying English phone booth bookends literally being the only solution to a lack of book space decision.  And also pairing it with your random jewelry holders and the melted-wax thing that happened as a result of boredom.

Praying to God that your parents picked out a great color for your bed spreads that goes with the rest of the room. And finding more shelf space and then also sneaking art blocks behind the nightstand. With more jewelry. And a clock hanging above it that doesn't quite work.

And here is my work-space, where I managed to put things I need and arranged them such that it looks almost intentional and somewhat decorative but functional, while secretly loving and hating the fact that I have too much stuff that I use all the time.


It's My Birthday!!

Taken from pleasantinterruption
Dinner party with friends and brownies for breakfast that were made by my bf the night before?  What more could a girl want!  And everything was happy and nothing was sad or annoying.


When My Boyfriend Thinks He's A "Fatty"

Taken from f1ame
It's always putridly frustrating.  Like, really, I get that, at one point or another in his life, he was probably obese, but that was then.  This time is now.  He's a handsome, tall-ish boy with a slim build and lovely arms and legs and the comfiest chest ever.  So he should shush and just accept that.  And it makes me really sad, because how am I supposed to feel good about myself when someone who's at an appropriate weight for their height feels inadequate?  He blames his recent so-called weight gain on being happy, but what?  Would he rather be a sadface and not weigh as much?


First Day at Work

Taken from duh-da
It almost feels like a first date.  You get all dressed up nice and fancy to make a seriously good impression on your co-workers and your supervisor and, if you ever get to actually interact with him, you boss.  You say all the right things and suppress most your odd-ball, weird-ass personality just for the purpose of seeming like a competent employee.  You even get coffee or something beforehand because you need caffeine to wake you up and make you feel calmer.  In addition, walking in with a large cup of coffee seems to be a sign of almost being a legitimate human being.   And working a 9-to-5 seems fairly all right as well.  And your eyes hurt so much from using a large, bright iMac that you can't bring yourself to finish a blog entry you started 3 days ago.


Just Hanging With My Friends

Taken from t0psshop
I have about four days of summer vacay before I have to go to work.  And even though there's no major responsibility, but I still need to pack everything up.  And I need to see people I like to hang out with before they go home or whatever it is they need to do.  It's nights like these where I feel lonely because I have nothing scheduled, but everyone else does.  And all I want to do is hangout.


Can't Help But Think

Taken from m-a-r-i-n-a-r-a
I know it's finals and I should be worrying about grades and stuff.  But I think both you and I know that I have written enough about how much it sucks to be alone, studying for hours a day.  So I will write about the recent developments in mine and my boyfriend's relationship.

We have been together almost seven months now.  SEVEN.  That's the SUM of half my high school relationships (while, in the meantime, everyone else I knew dated people for years).   Am I jealous?  Maybe a bit.  But I'm happy now and we have made leaps and bounds in our relationship.  And we recently started saying "I wuv you,"  which is almost like "I love you," but with only some of the commitment.  And he's invited me to spend New Year's in California with him.  I mean, I know it's forever away.  But it's something that's an actual plan.  I like plans and thinking ahead.  And it's all exciting and terrifying, but I like him.  And that's all that matters for now.


A Disappointment Orange

Taken from musicalldaykeepsthebadmoodaway
Second book of my "I need to read more" project and holy God, was I disappointed.  I am also disappointed that it is also only book two of the project.  But this one, wow.  A Clockwork Orange was a book I thought and people have told me I would really like.  But in fact, it was difficult to read, hard to get through, and as with most classics, not much really happens.  I know this sounds like I just hate books that would be assigned in an English class, but I should not have to need urban dictionary to look up half the terms and then guess what they mean based on context or my knowledge of Slavic languages.  And I understand that it was to distance Alex from the audience because he is a psychopath, but at the same time, it did not enhance the reading experience for me.  Now I want to watch the movie so hopefully this book can redeem itself, but frankly, books should stand on their own.


The Pace of "I Need to Get Home"

Taken from t0psshop
There's a certain speed at which one walks when trying to get home.  You walk a little faster.  Maybe because you're trying to avoid people.  Maybe you're trying to not have people realize you're going home by yourself because no one lives in your direction.  Maybe you're bed is just so comfy you can't wait to return to it's welcoming, sheet-arms.  That's usually my reason.  My other reason is when I'm wearing an outfit I don't feel 100-percent in because OH NO, MY MIDRIFF IS SHOWING AND I DON'T HAVE A SIX-PACK so I wanted to get home as soon as possible to get away from meanies. And it was interesting because the girls didn't care.  It was the boys that were all snarky.  And it felt really mean because they were just calling me out because, sorry I don't look like your dream girl or the girlfriend you have who has a goddess body from jogging the second the weather is over 40 degrees.  There's nothing wrong with being that kind of girl.  There's something wrong with being openly mean to a girl who isn't/  I don't complain about my figure and I just want to be happy. And sure, I am guilty of thinking and expressing to be near me of critiquing a girl's outfit that isn't quite one hundred percent for her.  But I won't call her out on it because I don't know her.  Or maybe it's confidence booster for her.  Because you never know how someone is feeling unless you've been there.  So to the jerk on the street, thank you for making me want to crawl up in sweatpants and do pushups and situps all day.  I definitely can do more than you anyway and you're going to make me strongly, so screw you.


That Little Bit of Hope

Taken from just-the-way-you-arent
So I got my second physics prelim back and it wasn't pretty.  I didn't do as magically as I had hoped after the second physics prelim last semester.  And the funny thing was, I wasn't too upset this time.  I was mostly fine.  Maybe just a little disappointed that I didn't do better at all.

But I have this nagging feeling that it will all work out, mostly on the precedent that everything is so wonderful now.  My grades are better.  Not great, but they are definitely getting better.  I have a boyfriend who loves my scent and my presence and is probably one of the most supportive people I know right now (and I have plenty of those).

So I guess it'll all be fine.


A Growing Thought

Taken from nocturnalwishes
The more I draw, the more I color, and the more I sketch, the more I realize why don't I actually do something with this?  But that takes years of practice and connections and my only relations are in the working world and the realm of science.  And those kind of jive, but not really.  People become so shocked to discover that I can be creative, at times, more creative than the creative ones.  So why don't I do something?  I don't want dental appointments to be life-altering decisions or having to give up grocery shopping for rent.  Or things like that which happen to most budding artists.  But then again, who's to say my scientific pursuits will lead me to comfort?


On The Road Again

Taken from cinsomniac
I'm soon to be on the bus back to Ithaca and for the first time, I cannot say when I'll be coming back.  I've told the people I've hung out with that I will vaguely see them soon and that's the best answer I can give.  Because I don't know if I'm going to Georgia, Wisconsin, Missouri, or staying in Ithaca.  Of course I can come back for a weekend or so.  But I also don't know if I will be travelling for my own leisure for a week or two.  But that's all up in the air.  I'm barely aware of what I'm doing tonight besides homework and cuddling.  But it's going to be an interesting week.  And the work week will end once with with "May the odds be ever in your favor."


Resumes and Cover Letters

Taken from deciso
With all the sketching I have been doing this Spring Break, I wish that instead of letters and resumes, I was also including a portfolio.  But then I realize that I am not special.  I mean, I am special.  But not in the sense that values artistry.  I do not have a twisted way of looking at things.  I go to classes and do homework and that takes up more time than anything.  And I'm also not comfortable having my work scrutinized by people who are better, more experienced.  Mostly because I am an asshole, but still.  I prefer having essays and papers read over because there is such a distance associated with it.  Not the same as with something I've poured my heart out for.  But then again, who knows where my life would take me.  So there's no point in stopping, but to continue practicing.


The Hum

Taken from hopingfortheshore
When I hear it, bad news is on the horizon.  And it's not a superstition, like an itchy palm indicating the finding of money or something equally silly.  It indicates that I'm under intense pressure, or under-fed, or have low blood pressure, or something else is wrong.  And then the colors happen and I lose consciousness.  And it happens too often.  And it's scary when I realize it, but it shocks me when my boyfriends who witness it do not seem alarmed.  Unless I tell them.  Or until everyone else is concerned.  And the thing that's the worst are the colors.  They're not dreams.  They're just colors.  And they add to the head-spinning.


Studious Isolation

Taken from hopingfortheshore
I've been in the library, I think, 24 hours this week so far.  All by myself.  I see friends at class and at dinner, but outside of class, it's kind of hard.  I need to do work and people either don't like to do it with other people or they don't have any.  Or they don't care enough about school.  And it's hard being so lonely.  But lonely with something to do.  It's the strangest thing.


Winter Happens in March Now

Taken from walk-lightly
Winter had been absent for far too long.  There were too many days of lovely sun and my winter snow boots were not a necessity.  But then randomly, for the passed few days, winter had returned with full force.  The show had been blowing and then the wind and the chills, but then the sun would come out.  And then disappear again.  Kind of like the crowds in the library cafes.  But hopefully it makes up its mind soon.  There are many fashions that need exploration, such as dresses and delicate shoes.  Maybe someday, someday soon.


Me for the Next Two Weeks

Taken from deciso
I'm going to be reading.
And analyzing.
And reading some notes.
And annotating.
And looking over lecture notes.

I'm also going to be making flashcards,
So lots of typing
And rereading
And clicking through
Information about the brain and the nervous system.

I'm going to crack open my notebook too,
And review
And make charts of reactions
And reagents
And leaving groups
And nucleophiles.

I'm going to do better on round two.
I AM going to do better.


My Lenten Sacrifice 2012

Taken from b00tyful
Originally, I was going to give up food.  Just having the majority of my thoughts about food, not eating all the time, maybe going on a fast and eating healthy things only when I feel genuinely hungry, but no.

I decided to do something healthier for myself.  So, I am giving up "fat."  Everything having to do with the word "fat."  Feeling "fat," eating "fat," focusing on the word "fat."  Telling people I'm a "fat"ass.  The word is destroying me.  And it's three letters.  And it's ruining my life and my relations with things.  Sometimes, rolling out of bed and getting dressed becomes difficult because of it.  And honestly, I am sick and tired of having most of my thoughts and actions directed by the feelings elicited by one small word.  I am sick of feeling awful about myself.  And by the end of this Lent, I am going to feel better.  It WILL happen.


Girls in Bathrooms

Taken from jamieniicole
I sincerely do not understand.  And I am not saying that to be one of those annoying girls disgusted by my own gender as a guise to be one of the guys.  The girls I know can spend most of a party in a bathroom and I'm just not that type.  Maybe it's because I brought one of my guy friends with me and leaving him alone would be like leaving a lamb with the wolves, but still.  They gossip and scheme, but it's the kind of stuff that wouldn't involve them if they were just left out of the loop.  And I don't like being part of that.  Not all of information that I have is even mine to have and even better, mine to share.  So I just keep it to myself.  And honestly, I have a better time when I go out because of it.


Formals and Just Hanging Out

Taken from pleasantinterruption
It's weird, just the two of us hanging out and spending time like friends even though we totally hold hands every where and kiss and become fairly intimate at night.  We just snuggle, we walk around, we get tea, and play Magic: the Gathering.  It's really nice and reminds me so much of when my best friend and I were almost dating, but not quite.  But this time we are quite.  He takes me to dinners and formals, in front of all his friends and brothers and introducing me as his girlfriend.  We have our quibbles, but overall, life is good.  We're friends and we make out.  So I guess it's okay so far.


Wonder of Winterland

Taken from perfectbucketlist
February decided to be February and winter-y.  The snow started softly falling last night and I was being asked to a birthday dinner by my boy.  And then, of course, afterwards we get into a fight over me being too cold and uncomfortable and not feeling like he's attaining to my needs.  But we did snuggle in the snow, while waiting for the bus.  And then again in the morning.  Everything around us seemed like something from one of those Christmas songs, yet we weren't as happy and lovey dove-y as those songs portray.  But it's work and we're trucking along in our relationship.  And through the snow.


How College Changes Your Views on Nights In (Aka, No Plans for Superbowl Sunday)

Taken from myheartishoney
When I was in high school, Super Bowl Sunday didn't really exist for me until Junior or Senior year.  Some families had get-togethers, some people threw parties.  My family, being perfectly foreign, didn't really care. Until I, one Super Bowl Sunday with no homework, flipped it on to maybe watch the ads.  I've loved ads since I was little and so I would watch those.  So I was watching the American tradition by myself and whatnot.  I had a television in my room, so it was no big deal.  Plus, it was as school night and I had parental supervision, so curfew, aka no going anywhere after 8 PM on a Sunday, was still a thing that existed in my life.

Let's move to college.  I don't remember even remember what I did that Sunday.  Probably homework of sorts.  It was the Sunday after the Thursday where I sprained my finger and hung out in the snow with my friends, just being silly and like children.  Oh, maybe I watched the game with my dorm.  We were a pretty tight-knit group.  But this year, I live in a dorm where no one seems to even know each other.  And everyone I know is already having plans.  And I feel so left out.  And given my experience in high school, it is so hard to convince myself that I am "left out" because everyone else legitimately has plans.  Their own plans.  Not plans they're purposefully leaving me out of.  And my boy is doing stuff with his frat for it where I think they can have girls over.  But we've already spent the passed 24 hours together and need some space and other people to see.  So I totally understand that.  So, I think tonight I'm going to stay in, read a book, and listen to some more Kosher Food class lectures.   And find out the results and watch the best ads tomorrow morning as part of my morning watching videos ritual.


Sharing a Bed with Someone

Taken from hopingfortheshore
There's nothing like it, not even a snuggle on a coach can be comparable to the warmth and belonging you feel while in the same bed with a person.  But it also makes you extremely spoiled and needy.  The first night might be all rainbows and roses because, hell, you have an extremely cute person hanging out in a bed with you.  But later you realize that you all of a sudden can't sleep without their arms around you.  You just want them to always be there in bed with you, even if it meas walking about an hour to get to your room.   But then they get uncomfortable because hugging someone all night is not exactly the most comfortable position.  And so you argue and then, oh no, they want to sleep in their own bed.  And that's when you have the awkward revelation that you need to retrain yourself to sleep on your own.


Semester, Take 4

Taken from dudasaback
I will prove everyone who is a professor or a teacher or any sort of academic like that, that I am smart.  That I can do as well as all those other kids.  I'm going to prove that from academic lows, I can reach unbelievable heights.  I will do better than everyone.  And that's a promise.


Walking In a Winter Slush-Land

Taken from 3vilkid
Your hands are freezing; their hands are freezing.  You can barely move you're so cold, but moving is the only way to keep warm.  The laughter and talking definitely help in the warmth department.  So does the huddling like penguins in a pond of puff jackets, wool scarves, and knit hats.  It was a nice way to spend a snowy day just meeting people and then packing.  Packing and packing and packing.  For tomorrow, I return to the great winter wonderland of upstate New York.


On Getting Hit

Taken from mandilush
Getting hit by a car is truly one of the scariest experiences ever.  I did not come out with any major injuries, my left arm is just sore from smacking the pavement with it and my leg hurts, but it is truly terrifying.  I never want to see a car moving that close to my face ever again.  I never want to have the wind hit out of my lungs.  I never want to cry in front of total strangers again.  I just don't want to be that scared ever again.  I know I should kind of be over it, but everyone I've told has been really worried.  I'm really worried too because that's something I never want to happen to me again.


The Hunger Games

My new year's resolution of reading 5 to 10 books has just completed round 1 of rounds 5 or 10.  I started with the The Hunger Games.

The book was very sad yet exciting, filling the post-apocalyptic setting that I tend to enjoy.  Though very fast-paced, the book has slower moments where we wait with our main character, Katniss Everdeen, and learn of her life at home and the moments that make her herself.  There was action, adventure, and a bit of romance.  I'm learning that I am enjoying books about girls in tough situations that they somehow overcome, with skill and/ or luck.  They aren't Mary Sues who have everything handed to them.  And that's the kind of strength that needs to be shown to little girls.  This book, though for young adults, has a strong dark side, a side of war that not many people have to witness or endure, where teenagers kill other teenagers for survival.  This story makes the horror a lot more structured, but spares us no details of the horrific sights Katniss endured while participating in the games and surviving.  I cannot wait to read the aftermath.


My Externship

Taken from makemestfu
Waking up every morning before the sun was up definitely did not motivate me to do anything, but I knew I had to be as alert as possible to get the most out of my externship. Spending even the three days at the hospital, I soon learned, was not for me.  Just paying attention to the types of details and the specifics of the details the doctors paid attention to...I would not be able to handle.  Not to say I'm dumb and cannot remember things, but I cannot handle the kinds of problems those children had.  So much sadness and so much pain, some of it I had not heard of before.  And then I realized, life at a hospital might be for me.  And that's okay.  Experiences and shadowings are to determine if I want to do something.  And knowing what you don't want is about as important as knowing what you do want.



Taken from f**kyeahrarity
I have never seen so many men and so much happiness in one place.  Everyone dressed up from head to toe in their pony gear and carried pony things.  Everyone was in such unison and very nice and open to each other.  And all the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic cuteness, with Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Apple Jack and Spike and all our very best pony friends; I don't think I've ever experienced anything like it.  I enjoyed the day with some of my new closest friends and we sang along and absorbed all the happiness.  One of the best times of my life this year so far.


Letter to Creepers at the Club

Taken from fakescenesandplasticmadedreams
Dear Creepers at the Club,

I really don't understand what goes through your heads sometimes.  Ok, most of the times.  Mostly because you seek out your prey, usually just standing there, looking for girls to eventually grind up.  The reason most girls find you generally unwelcome is because you come at us like sharks at a carcass.  You don't approach in a "fun" way, like dancing up to us or using your hands to point us out and shouting "yeah!"  You're not even dancing half the time!  You just sneak up behind us and BAM!  Suddenly our hips are in the rather firm grasp of your hands.  Please stop, especially if we tell you to.  What middle school or person never taught you that "no" means "no."  I get that most of us lady-folk like an aggressive man, but there's aggressive as in assertive and aggressive as in being pushy.  We like our space sometimes, or sometimes we just want to dance on our own.  If you respect this, maybe girls will dance with you.  But since your aggressive tactics push us away from you (literally), you might think we're bitches.  Well, some of us are.  But mostly, we just want our space.

Creeped-on Girl at the Club



Taken from lesbiancupcake
It infinitely manages to completely frustrate me when my mother acts as if she knows everything about weight loss and exercise.  If she did, why is she not the size two she seems to constantly nag me to be?  If she did, why is there no R.D. after her name?  If she did, why isn't she a professional fitness trainer?  Has she not considered that the reason for my constant bloating right now is caused by other things, one of which is rude to discuss with other people?  Is she aware of the fact that sitting there on the ground, doing crunches for hours, will NOT get me the results she so desires me to have?  And part of me wants it.  But it's the unhealthy part of me.  The part of me that wants to heavily restrict calories, not eat, work out without eating, consume nothing but celery and spinach, and other sick behaviors.  But the greater part likes me as I am.  I have achieved more in fitness than some of my skinny friends.  So I honestly do not see her deal, except for the fact that she might be projecting her insecure feelings onto me.


Starting On a Resolution

Taken from myheartishoney
I went outside of my house by myself while I didn't make plans to pick up some books I want to read.  I made a list beforehand.  And today, I sat down and started reading one of them.  And I think I'll continue reading it because it is that good so far.  Also, the movie looks incredible.  So there is added motivation to the goal of completing between 5 and 10 books in one year.  I can do it!  I just need to sit down, relax, and do it.


New Year's Resolution 2012 (N.a.P.)

So, as usual, I make resolutions every year mostly based on the mistakes I make the year before.  Though 2011 was fairly difficult, I achieved most of my goals and so now, naturally, it's time to make new ones.  Here they are!
  • Weigh 135 pounds by December 31st, 2012
  • Maintain my closes friendships
  • Bring my protein intake down to 25% (I was going to shoot for 10%-15%, but baby steps)
  • Increase my intake of fruits and vegetables
  • Bake everything in Babycakes by the end of 2012 (and blog about it)
  • Post 3 looks a week on lookbook.nu
  • Actually maintain my music tumblr
  • Read 5 to 10 books
What are your resolutions?