"I Change Shapes Just to Hide in This Place, but I'm Still, I'm Still An Animal"

I think we just
Think about sex
All the time
Because our
Bodies just
Got programmed
Into doing it.

The novelty
Will wear off soon
Enough.

As human as we
Think we are,
I think somewhere
On the inside,
We're all animals
Trying to fulfill
What we were meant to
Do.

Like how flowers
Are basically just
Ovaries and anthers,
We're just ovaries and
Penises.

We're not much different.
But we like to think
That we can feel.

I think we do.
We feel a lot.
Making it just
That much harder
To fulfill
Our genetic imperative,

A College A Day...

A college a day
Does something.

Just like an apple
A day keeps
The doctor away.

An apple a day keeps
The weight off too.

Calorie counting is fun,
But I'm scared for myself.

But so far, I've been
Eating a percentage
Or so more than
I'm supposed to.

And I'm feeling full
And not bad.

Yeah stair master!

In the Throes of Insecurity (R.P.)

You may be wondering why I've basically skipped two days of blogging. I'm feeling really insecure for whatever reason. And blogging when I'm insecure results in words I am embarrassed to read later on. Bear with me, PLEASE!

Questions My Horoscope Asked Me (N.a.P.)

Where are you meeting people?
In school or through friends. Or I pick them up on the street. Well, school hasn't worked out very well because I get too close and friendly and then dating is weird. Or they're not ready. Or it gets really weird during the break up and everyone knows everything minutes before it happens. Through friends...I don't know. That just hasn't worked out and I always felt like...the odd one out? Like the outsider, I guess. And picking up random people...well that worked out (sort of) with MSCBFF and One Guy. But now it's been an awkward string of 20-year-olds. Um, NO!

What do you usually do to get to know them?
Talk a lot online or on phone. Talk about really random stuff. I think I just don't flirt enough because I'm afraid of coming off as that girl. I want to be different, but I hold back a lot. I sort of do this thing where I try determining if they're a total dick before I try putting myself out there. Sometimes they still are. Sometimes, we get too close and we mutually friendzone each other. Or play mixed signals hockey. You pick.

Damn, dating's been on my mind a lot lately. I just want to learn from my mistakes so I don't do the same stuff again. I like affection but I can wait...I think.

Nursing Home/ Karaoke Night! (B.O.A.)

Damn, I haven't done one of these in forever. But I have been trying to look nice! Actually, it's gonna be a double. Because I think I looked nice on the first day of Spring Break too haha. Well the plaid shirt is from Esprit, jeans by Levi's. In the second one, shit is from American Eagle, tank top is from Abercrombie and Fitch, necklace by...Guess I think, jeans by American Eagle, and scarf by Hot Topic. Hehe, karaoke is fun.

"It's My Third Date"

I hope it went well
For them.
Because I know
Why it's not going well
For me.

And it's not my fault.
And I dunno if I can deal with it.

Because...
I don't know why.
But I really want it to
Be my fault.

So I can fix myself
So that everything works
Out.

I can't fix anyone else.

La Roux (M.S.O.)

Androgynous, electronically pop, gorgeous...those are three words to describe the awesomeness that is La Roux. Even though people are more familiar with Elly Jackson, the band is actually made up of her and Ben Langmaid. Their music is just great. My favorite track so far is "Bulletproof." Her voice is incredible and her style is really sharp. The makeup work in the video is amazing. Their lyrics are so simple and the electro-synth riffs are danceable, but also easy to listen to. I really recommend them.

Shutter Island (M.R.)

There is one phrase to describe this movie: "What the f*ck." It was repeated at least 5 times, along with "why are you all wet, baby?" and "we're smarter than them." Unfortunately, if I disclose anymore, the League of People Against Spoilers would have to come and kill me. Kidding. Shutter Island was a great movie. It had action, thrills, chills, creepy music, and will keep you asking questions until long after you see it.

The premise of the film: two deputy marshalls go investigate a mental institution for the criminally insane on Shutter Island, just outside of Boston. Mental institution pose a scary image in people's minds and Scorsese really captured the creepiness of it. The movie stops making sense about five minutes into it. When the music starts. The melody is still stuck in my head, which barely is a melody; it's more of a sound.

But the movie is a glorious thrill ride. It really is engaging. You try to figure out the truth along with Teddy Daniels. I cannot say anything more, because I would give away the entire movie. But Leonardo DiCaprio does a fine job portraying the pain of the experience of being in the mental hospital. Just like him, the watchers ask many, many questions, some of which remained unanswered.

People who enjoy mysteries should see it. People who enjoy thrillers should see it. Some parts though, I warn you, are not for the faint of heart...or mind.

Rating: 9/10

OMG >.< (R.P.)

After this year, I am never working at a nursing home. Especially Mary Manning Walsh. I know this sounds really extreme and whiny, but I can't take it anymore. Today was pretty bad. Someone took a dump on someone else's bed, which is why the entire sixth floor smelled awful. And then someone pooed their pants during lunch. I. Can't. Do. It. Anymore.

Mall Trip

Alice Dork,
Arizohna,
MG(squared),
Douglass,
Mulan,
And I
Went to a mall.

What an adventure.
I saw things from
A different perspective.
And I never laughed as
Hard as I did today.

And Lord of the Rings
Is absolutely funny now.

You're Beautiful (Again)

Papaya has a lovely voice.
Red has great style.
Caveman has great hair.
Poofy Hair is fun.
Just Fabulous has a funny way of acting.

And that's the summary of tonight.

First Two Days Of Spring Break (R.P.)

I am pooped. Like, I've spent only a few hours at home. And those hours were spent sleeping, showering, and eating breakfast. I've spent the other hours at school, uptown and in Boston. The dinner that I had with my friend's friends was fun and so was my cousin's baby shower in Boston. See, now I have to specify because someone I know was dumb and asked if it was my baby shower when I posted about it on facebook. People really don't think sometimes.

You're Beautiful

I saw you on the subway
Today and you were
Gorgeous.

I can't even begin to describe it.
Lightly toussled hair,
Cute flannel on,
Body-hugging jeans...

One problem:
You had a bouquet
Of flowers in your hand.

Dammit.
I'd love to date someone
Who would get me a bouquet
Of roses.

Whoever is dating you
Is incredibly lucky.

And I want to think
That whoever dates me
Is incredibly lucky
Too.

Oh hello.
You're a girl.

Ugh, either way
You're still really
Gorgeous.

Sorry Guys

So I've been getting
Quite horrid at posting.

So much work
And commitments.
Like all the school work
This week.
All the events this and
Next weekend.

I need to keep taking
Care of myself.
The junk food dinners
Are taking a toll on my
Skin.

I don't think that I
Think enough.
I have all these scenarios
Playing out in my head.
I need to make some
Come true.

Like college letter
Joy
And report card
Fear.

Perder La Vista

Yo me despierto
Por la mañana
Y yo no te veo.

Estoy en un mundo nuevo.
Un mundo donde esta
Tú no estas.

No sé nada sobre tu
Y yo.
Tú eres mi amigo,
Pero ahora
Tú no exiges.

El tiempo que pasamos juntos?
Yo te borré de
Esos recuerdos.
Como si nunca
Sucedió con usted.
Todo el mundo estaba allí.

Yo vivo en un mundo ahora
Donde perdí la vista.
Tu estás fungible para mí.

Creo que tú no me puedes ver.
Yo espero que esto sea creo.

En los ojos de mi cabeza,
Tú eres una sombra.

Yo no te veo.

Home Depot

Negativity causes
People to snap.
So does an
Inappropriately heightened
Sense of self worth
And importance.

Some people can
Literally be sold
At the Home Depot.

If you don't like
What you're going
To hear,
Don't do or say anything.

The Price of Beauty (T.V.C.)

Though technically a reality TV show because it is on vh1, I find it more of a documentary. It is kind of difficult to take seriously because of the aforementioned facts and Jessica Simpson being the host. But the documentary sort of aspect of it is quite fascinating.

Jessica Simpson goes on a world tour in search of what other cultures find beautiful. Let us do a quick brainstorm of American beauty ideals: slim build, ample breasts and butt, good hair, etc. etc. At least that is what I have noticed. In other countries, they have other ideals.

Her first stop is Thailand, where being pale is gorgeous. Here it seems to be more popular to be tanned. There is a tribe in the Northern region of the country who thinks that long necks are pretty. But what is interesting is that they also talk about the dangers of trying to fit the ideal. One woman wound up dangerously dying her skin, experiencing vitiligo-like symptoms.

I am looking forward for the next episode, which is about France.

Opening Doors

I've got a pretty
Long hallway to walk down.
Three out of
Fifteen doors
Have already been
Opened.
And there have been
Good things behind them.

I'm opening a fourth
And I'm terrified.

I don't want my
Parents to be right about
This one.
But I don't know
What I'd do
If there were
Good things behind it.

We'll find out
Soon enough though.

I Actually Kind of Love How I Look Now...(N.a.P.)

I actually kind of love how I look now. I have the cutest tummy. It comes in at the waist pretty awesomely and it's really good seeing my hard work pay off. Oh. Yeah I sound a bit like a pregnant lady, but I'm not! Pregnancy is gorgeous but not for me (right now). I can wait a few years for a kid.

I'm watching My Life as Liz and it's the prom mini-arc. Her prom looks like so much fun, but mine will be cool too. I am going to look like a princess. Seriously, I'm getting a tiara and white, lace wrist gloves. And the prettiest shoes ever. I haven't been to a semi-formal, which is tonight for sophomores and juniors. So me being sick and cooped up at home sucks because most of my friends are partying in up. I hope it's fun for them though. I still have the dress I was planning on wearing last year. I might wear it on some random day when I want to feel really pretty.

Today I would, but I want to celebrate my natural beauty. SPA DAY FOR THE WIN!

"Stop Telephoning Me-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh" (N.a.P.)

I hope I inserted the proper amount of "eh's" in the title haha. You have to love Lady Gaga and her bizarre videos and style. I am in love with her makeup though.

You know how Chinese people have a really cool names for their years, like 2010 is Year of the Tiger? I think senior year for me is Year of the Sick Blogger and Asthmatic. I've missed two days of school so far this year and my winter break because of illness. It's a bit ridiculous. It might be because of stress though because college decisions are coming soon and I'm super nervous. I don't take rejection well! I'm really good at faking that, but inside I'm like crying, haha. But at least I got into the two schools listed below. One has biomedical engineering as a major option, so that's good.
Since I'm out today, I have lots of time to do stuff. Such as work on essays. And cook. I've been cooking so much because I want to try new foods and what not. I like being vegetarian. It's got so much variety and interesting flavors. The first meal I prepared for myself was avocado cream pasta, which was relatively simple. Last night I got a little more complicated with quinoa with butternut squash and eggplant. Butternut squash is so hard to dice even AFTER peeling the skin off. It probably wasn't ripe today. My cooking project today? Eggplant and mozzarella paninis. I am SO excited.

Fun Stuff? (N.a.P.)

So I woke up this morning with an asthma attack. Ugh. The thing I hate is that if I take my asthma pump early enough in the morning, I'm so wobbly. Like, I can't stand and talk to people normally because I'll be teetering. Yep, Electrohead got a first-hand experience of that. And PhotographEEr did too earlier in the year when I almost fell over because I lost motor control in my knees. At least I'm not on that God-awful asthma medication that made me extremely depressed and had me singing the Beatles.

Saturday I have a speech tournament, which I think my body is protesting. Haha, go me and psychosomatic rebellion. Fun part about the tournament is that I'm doing to be doing duo with Douglass and I'm excited. I kind of want to do something serious, well not serious as in "not funny" but serious as in kind of prepare something. Oh well.

Now I am going to go cook.

Cry, Dammit!

The Crying Girl's dead.
I mean, there's a part
Of her that's always
In me.

But she's gone.

The one where a joking
"I hate you"
Would get the water flowing.

Where just thinking
About certain people,
Certain moments,
Certain places
Could wheel her into
Such a spinning cycle
Of insecurity.

And I know
I'm upset.

And she's not there.
I don't know where
She went, but I know
When she'll return.

She comes when I'm
Most vulnerable.
When the littlest thing
Will irritate me.

And she'll come.
She might be coming
Soon.

"I Tremble, Tremble, Tremble (They're Gonna Eat Me Alive)"

Yes, I have been listening
To a lot of Metric.

Emily Haines' voice
Is so haunting.

And honestly,
"Help I'm Alive"
Is speaking so loudly.

It doesn't mean
"Help I'm Alive"
As in I'm emo and
Can't stand this world
Anymore.

It's a cry for advice
Because I,
Like 6 billion others,
Are here.

And some of us
Could use a helping hand.

Actually,
Most of us can.
Right?

I Don't Take Myself Seriously All the Time

Sometimes I get super intense
Over things.
Like boys I like,
Relationships,
And whatnot.

But when it comes down to it,
I don't take it too seriously.

I mean,
One boy isn't into me,
I got another boy's number
But so what?

We're still going to be friends.
Something may or may not
Come out of having his number.

But I'm still going to be me.
My hearts going to keep beating.
So is everyone else's.

Well, it stops someday.
But for the time being,
It's going to keep on
Beating at a steady 66
Beats per minute.

And plus.
I'm going to college.
Seriousness where
Seriousness is due.

The things mentioned above,
Can be taken lightly.

At least for now.

I Want To Be An Artist

Not professionally,
But I want to be an artist.

A woman with a word choice
That can demolish hearts in
One line
And put them back together in
The next.

I want to write poems
That can change the world.

Maybe not in the way
That Shakespeare impacted
All of English literature
Or the way Paul McCartney
And John Lennon
Changed the face of the music
World one song at a time.

But I want to be able to
Change a person's mindset.
Not anyone specific.

I want someone to read one
Of my poems
And be able to relate.
Or be able to gain some insight.

I mean, compared to most people,
I don't know jack shit.

But I want what I do know
To help others
Or speak to people
With words that I didn't know
I could say.

I want to be an artist.
I want someone to notice.
To hear my words and
Actually think about them.

Even if it's a stupid poem
About a speck on a window
Or how skinny I feel
Or how crazy I am
About a certain person.

I just want people to listen.
Or at least read.

At the Mercy of My Stomach

Stop yelling at me.
Stop fighting with me.
Stop being so freaking angry.

I have a speech tourney
Tomorrow,
Meaning this morning,
And you kept me up
Until about 1:30 AM.

I don't even know if
I slept between
11 PM and 1:30 AM.

I don't know if I
Were dreaming or
Thinking of you
And wishing you
Could just stop.

But 6:30 AM is
Way too early to start eating
Breakfast.

But wait a second,
I do that most mornings.

I Took A Test Today

I took a test today,
And the book was right there.
On my desk.

How the teacher
Trusts me to not
Take a gander at
The notes written
In the pages,
On the poems,
And in the margins.

Imagine if I could.
Would my score improve?
It might stay the same.

"Your Lipstick Stains"

I can't get that song out
Of my head.
Is it because it plays
In the senior section
Multiple times a day?
Or do the lyrics actually
Mean something to me?

I can't really relate to
Any of the feelings
Expressed by it.
Only in the realm
Of relationship posthumous.

And I usually always add on
To whatever relationship or
Lack there of woes I have
The phrase, "but that's okay."

There's a nagging voice
Somewhere back there
That tells me otherwise.

And Curly said that
Maybe we're all just
Redoing the same thing,
Finding our other half,
Lifetime after lifetime.

Or something like that.

What if I failed many times before?
And never found that person?
What if I succeeded and million times before?
What if this is just an endless cycle of
Doing things you can't remember
Because every life time
Is independent of the other.
And there's no way to gain insight,
But just going by instinct.
Well guess what?

We've got nothing but time.

Tegan & Sara (M.S.O.)

These Canadian twins are AWESOME. They have the cutest harmonies going on, almost as cute as Simon and Garfunkel's. Except less politicized with much shorter songs. My favorite album of theirs is The Con, partially because it is the first album of theirs that I downloaded. Their hooks and lyrics awesome with really interesting verses such as "I just want back in your head/ I'm not unfaithful but I'll stray/ When I get a little scared." Another favorite of mine is "All I want to hear is that your not mine." But they're really fun, especially that song they wrote with Tiesto, "Feel It In My Bones." It is so beautiful and amazing. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

Blogging Break, You Know What That Means

So I'm pmsing majorly.
Yesterday I felt awesome.
Today I felt like crawling
Under a rock.
Or curling up in my senior
Sweater.

Same shit.

Tomorrow better be freaking
Awesome.
Actually,
I might be getting my bio test
And my stats test back.

ARGHHH!