Sorry for the lack of posting (R.P.)

There has been so much going on! Getting ready for prom, buying people birthday presents, organizing my own birthday...list goes on and on. But I promise I will post some prom pics and an adequate entry.


The Fat Girl In My Head

She needs to go away.
She cannot keep crossing
Into my visual cortex.

Every time I pick up a
Garment, I need to pick
My size, not hers.

I know (I'm pretty sure)
I never looked like her.

Wider than a door frame,
Pieces of flesh hanging out.

Not even the interesting
Pieces of flesh either.

God, I never
Want to see her
Ever again.

She needs to go away.
But she's such a comfort.
I don't have to challenge
Myself with being confident.

But, no taking the easy way out.
Or easy way in, in this case.


Asian Fried Rice (N.a.P.)

I know, that's a lot of vegetables. I really wanted to try making the Asian Fried Rice recipe from 1,001 Low- Fat Vegetarian Recipes by Sue Spitler and Linda R. Yoakam. I've never stir fried anything before and since I probably won't be doing like work-wise over the summer, I could try new things in the realm of cooking. The vegetables came out tougher than I think they should have, but I'd say it worked out well on my first try. I mean, my dad hates vegetarian dishes and he loved it.

The book has many delicious, filling and nutritious options. Some require some things like oregano and ginger which most people use once. But my house has SO MUCH ginger lying around because my dad continually attempts to make home made ginger ale. I have to take advantage of it.


"There Goes the Bingo Table"

I feel like my
Mind is just rotting
In my freedom
Of summer.

I wake up,
I go to the gym,
I shower,
I run some errand,
I eat somewhere in between.

I need to leave this
House. And go somewhere
Other than Loyola.



Oh the excitement.
I can barely recognize
Myself in them.
I haven't seen my face
Without glasses
In so long.

And I always push
My finger against
My bridge as if
The glasses are there.

So to remedy the
Situation I got
Myself a pair of really
Sweet sunglasses.

My face feels complete.


Check It Out

Today another
Baby was added to the globe
And his name is Olin
And I give major gratz
To my cousins because I know
They're going to be the best parents ever.

And I realize
By the time I have kids,
Olin will be a teen
And it'll be just like
The relationship between
Me and my cousin.

I hope he'll be a nice
Boy so that I don't have to
Panic when he plays with
My kid.


"Untrust Us"

Oh God,
Not these feelings

I shouldn't've eaten
All that guacamole.

It's almost the same
Color as something else.

Something smoked
That I should've known about someone.

Fuck you,
You stupid fucking plant.

It's ruined
So much.

I expect comments
That are like
"It's amazing."

Is a torn family amazing?
Is doing something
Really stupid while
High amazing?
Is a friendship broken up

And plants
Are supposed to
Be good freaking things.

But I guess
It's better to find
Out now, better than later.
Or better than never.


Future Husband

It's a thing most teenage
Girls think about from
Time to time.
Usually for fun.
For some, seriously.
I read the most interesting
Sentiment the other day:
Do you ever wonder what your future husband is doing/thinking?
Since I get my best thinking
Done in the shower,
I thought about it myself.

Do they sing in the shower?
Do they play an instrument?
Are they wondering where
They're getting dinner the next night?
Are they worried they won't
Have a good time with the people
They hang out with?
Do they have a good time anyway?
Do they worry about the same
Stupid crap that comes up in my
Mind as I do?
Do they worry that they'll
Never meet me or that
We're never going to work out
Because it's never our fault?
Do they want a son named Nathaniel?
Do they get inexplicable
Panic attacks?
I wonder if they do pilates.
Nah, they're a guy.
They probably do more
Hardcore stuff than that.

What if no one is thinking about
Me that way.
That's a possibility too.
But that's the easy way out.

To not believe

Is the easy way out.


The Human Centipede (M.R.)

Image Courtesy of imdb
Whoa...first off, anyone who made it to the end of this movie deserves an award, like the Iron Stomach award. I managed to make it to the end without puking. But the plot was interesting, the details were...engrossing (yes, pun intended), and...I am at a loss of words.

One hundred percent medically accurate? Probably not. One hundred percent medically disturbing? Definitely. Remember a little video called "2 Girls 1 Cup"? If you can sit through that and Hostel, you can sit through this movie. Mind you, I never saw Hostel. Nor do I want to.

Some of the dialogue was absolutely brilliant. Not brilliant in terms of literary or film greatness. Brilliant in terms of humor. Such as, spoiler warning, "Japanese people possess great strength when backed into a corner." The things you learn from watching movies.

Dr. Heiter is absolutely evil. Deiter Laser does a great job portraying him as neurotic. He makes Hannibal Lecter look normal. Splitting Siamese twins apparently inspires people to make conjoined things of their own. The two girls who played the Americans capture a very VH1 stupid-20-something-year-old vibe. Yes, when girls get mad, they repeat their names in every other sentence. And the Japanese man was golden. Such a good character.

In spite of all things disturbing, I learned a few life lessons. Like, when your car gets a flat tire, do not leave the car. If you do, do not go into the woods. Stay on the road. Before you go on a roadtrip through Germany, learn German. I am sure it helps a lot. Do not go into some strange dude's house. And ask for an opened container of water. People really do not pay attention to "going out" common sense. If you have any lessons you want to share, please do so.

I do not recommend it for the weak of stomach. And I do not recommend it for people who enjoy quality movies. About 30 minutes of it could have been cut out safely and there would have been a better movie.

Rating: 6/10
Rating on the Hardcore Scale: 10/10

Nostalgia Part 3: Teachers

Which teacher has had the most impact on you?

Positively or negatively? For the positive impact, I'd say my calculus teacher junior year and freshman English teacher. I did my best writing in freshman year. I mean, junior year? My writing was poo. Sophomore and senior year? That was somewhere in the middle. My calc teacher taught to learn for the sake of learning. Not because of grades. That's not to say grades aren't important. They are. Sorry kids. But have fun while learning. Even if that means learning history as a long series of expletives.

The negative list is funny. Top of it? I'd say my first semester of junior year physics teacher. When your job is stressful to the point where you ask the kids to play quarters and describe why their favorite color is their favorite color in relation to a lesson on light, you leave. But not until you've finished the year. We needed more ridiculous episodes in class, even if that meant we'd fail the final. And then get a million point curve! But as a result, I never learned physics. Shut up, yes, there is a study guide. How much of it do I know? Nothing. And I'm going to engineering school. Then there was my junior year English teacher and the freshman and sophomore year history teacher. Those were fun. I've never experienced such animosity towards students from anyone ever. Eh, it wasn't so much animosity. As anger towards students. And favoritism.


Ease of Action

It's easier
To sit around
And say something isn't
Going to happen.
But it takes more
To go out and make
Something happen.

The same with Nietzsche's
It's easier
To sit around
And declare that life
Has no meaning
Than go out and assign it
A meaning.

Right now,
It's summer.
It's easier to sit
Around and not
Want to practice violin.
But it's harder to have to
Play the same pieces over and
Over again for the next few weeks.

No more excuses, bitch.



Never have I read
Anything that
Made lots of sense
But is so different
Than what I believe in.

In order to be
A nihilist,
I'd have to reject everything
I currently believe.

No thanks.
But that line that greatness
Comes from not talking
A lot and only speaking
With cynicism and innocence?
Yeah, that could do the
World lots of good.


Hyperventilating for 6 Hours

I hear a chord in my head
When I hyperventilate.
It's like that music
They have in movies when
A time flow is shown.
Kind of like in Accepted
When Justin Long's character
Is trying to figure out
How a college works.

And then the breathing.
Oh my God, I hate my breathing.
It's so shallow and no matter
How much air I swallow, it's never enough.
I keep drinking water.
And drinking water.
And drinking water.

A few hours later.
It goes away.


Nostalgia Part 2: What I'll Miss About Loyola

What will you miss about the school?

I am going to miss the people...SO MUCH. It's only been like half a week since I don't have to go to classes, and it's weird not chilling in the commons everyday with my juniors and taking the subway home with my freshman and sophomores. I am going to miss being surrounded by the most ridiculous and amusing people in all my classes. There's also all those frees I spent with kids in my class that earned the nickname "The Freebrarians" because we lived in the library. The cafeteria food was awesome. I'm going to miss my classes too, like calculus and English. Yeah, and Spanish even though I don't think I'll be studying it in college. The teachers, except for about 2, were really good and I still remember much of what I was taught. The retreats, as tiring as they were, were good and I don't think I'll have experiences like that ever again. I'm going to miss having a bs gym class that got canceled most of the time. And the biannual frustration of the school concerts. And freshman year religion class. God, there's so much to list.
Even though I miss a lot already, there's a time to move on. Might as well start now.


Nostalgia Part 1: Regrets and Fond Memories

What is something you will always fondly remember, something you regret?

For better or worse, I will always remember my sophomore year. I think it was the time where I had to really a)reinvent who I thought I was or b)figure out who I thought I am. I mean, so much went on. From extreme hate to lots of love. I think I regret falling so soon for MSCBFF. Like, I don't even know if it was necessary. I mean, we went out for 6 months. But that's what being young is for: being completely stupid. If you haven't been stupid in four years, better get those bad ideas and dumb mistakes out of the way fast. =] After doing all that crap, I think I'm a better person now. At least I think I have more credibility.


Cobra Starship and 3oh!3 (B.o.A.)

Such a guilty pleasure,
But fun bands nonetheless.

I haven't danced that much
In a while.

There were kids there
Scener than I will ever be.

But both are amazing performers.
They inspired such energy in
The crowd.

It was my first hip-hop-ish show.
And it was great.

But there were some
Douchebags in the crowd,
Like chicken girl,
Green tee shirt guy,
And the tall, smelly Asians.

You make the concert experience what it is.


...That's It?

Photo Credit: iStockPhoto
So that.
Was high school.
Four of the most
I don't know what to say.
Life changing?
I don't know what
Years of my life.

And it's over.

And I don't know
How I feel yet.
It hasn't hit me.
It probably will when I wake
Up at 8:20 AM tomorrow
And realize that I have no where to be.


AP Recap

I went into AP Spanish
And all I thought was
"Shit, no hablo espaƱol."
As the test progressed,
It kept cutting into
The time I needed to
Spend on my stats test.
I think I definitely got a 1.

Then I went into stats,
On a barely full stomach
And I might've done pretty well.
That's counter intuitive, but I felt
like I knew something about
Graphs and inferences.

Then English wasn't bad
And all that points to
Is a really really awful curve.
I probably didn't do as well
I thought I did.
Hello, freshman writing seminar.

And then bio was today,
The last AP I'll ever take,
And I also think that went
Pretty well. But that usually
Points to one thing: I probably
Failed that shit.

But at least it's all over. :)


Senior Picnic and KickAss Friday! (B.o.A.)

So I bought myself a dress from Urban Outfitters that I really wanted to wear so I wore it to school and damn, I got a lot of compliments on it. Hehe. The picnic was alright. We sat outside on the Great Lawn and chilled. I'm worried I got a bit of color, since I prefer the way my skin looks when it's pale than when it's tan. To each her own? I mean, I don't like the sickly anemic look, but light brown or bronze just doesn't work for me.
I didn't exactly wear those shoes or that necklace. For some reason, I can't find the Steven Madden harle booties I wear online so I can post a picture. The dress and cardigan are both from Urban Outfitters, the eyeliner is from Stila, the lipstick is Benefit, and foundation in by Sally Hansen's Natural Beauty collection by Carmindy, and I got a similar necklace for Christmas from my aunt.

Mother's Day (R.P.)

Photo credit: iStockPhoto
Before I get into today's legit post, I would like to wish all moms a Happy Mother's Day. Today, my dad made sticky buns and later my mom and I are going shoe shopping.


Daybreakers (M.R.)

Image credit: Internet Movie Poster Awards Gallery
Daybreakers follows the idea that a virus has turned most of the human race into vampires. Sounds like 28 (Insert Time Period Here) Later except without zombies. Oh, and they keep humans in blood milking areas and their supply is running out. There's a huge gaping plothole as they try to find a blood substitute.

In the futuristic world, they accommodated everything to fit a nocturnal lifestyle, because the sun hurts vampires. They invented a subway walking thing...can anyone see the plothole yet?

Ethan Hawke was not the best in the movie. He made a great emo kid, but it was so hard to care about Doctor Edward. I connected more with the bad guys because...I do not know why, actually. It is just difficult to related to whiny people who hate their current state. But wind up figuring out the cure in their suicide.

The effects were good, but with the movie and settings being so dark and murky, it is difficult to tell. I mean, some of the deaths were just inhumane. Like the execution to the subsiders, or vampires who lived off themselves and other vampires. Cannibalism is frowned upon. Especially if it turns you into a twitchy, ugly, hairy bat-humanoid.

Rating: 6/10


Kick-Ass (M.R.)

This movie was bizarre. Not so much bizarre as totally freaking fun. It was won in the total ridiculosity and special effects department. Me not being a huge fan of comics was probably the only down bit.

So the premise is a kid who wants to be a superhero so he designs his own costume. He also puts up a MySpace so that people can message him about local crime that he can go and stop. So what starts out to be an internet sensation goes off to things seemingly high above his head.

Now most parents who saw the movie were greatly offended by the amount of gore and cursing, especially made by the pre-teen character Hit Girl. Well, the movie was rated R for a reason and it is just a movie role. It really added to realness of it, though. I mean, if I had someone pointing a gun to my head after I failed to shoot them, my reaction would be "aw shit." Not staring menacingly or defeatedly as they manage to make it out in pg-13 movies.

The teenaged humor and situations were cleverly intertwined with the superhero epicness so I guess it appealed to two types of audiences. Maybe.

Rating: 9/10

Photo credit: Google Images


Inferiority Complex

I could sit around, and
Write about the marathon eight
Hours of testing I had today.

But I thought better of it.

Instead I'll write about a poem
Or several
That I read earlier today.

After reading them...
This blog has no purpose.
There is nothing it could possibly
Because of the sum
Of the past 403 and the next 403 entries
Do not come anywhere near one of them
ANY of them.

Even the mediocre ones are really good.
Oh, Mr. Nick Flynn,
You capture everyone under
The spell of the inferiority complex.


80's Day At School (B.o.A.)

Today, the seniors' dress down theme was the 80's. It was so recycled because that was also the theme for the dance we had earlier this year. Anyway. I managed to lucid dream last night and let me tell you: it is so scary. I felt all my body parts go numb and then stuff that I'm pretty sure wasn't my room. Having watched the A Nightmare on Elm Street trailer multiple times amidst studying, safe to say that I was terrified, haha. Then I fell down a flight of stairs this morning. Yep, classy.

80's Day at Loyola
80's Day at Loyola by jladz65 featuring American Apparel
Jeans are from America Eagle, shoes are Converse, I skipped the knee highs, and the black shirt I wore was from Esprit.


I Signed Onto Polyvore! (B.o.A.)

So I signed onto to Polyvore today so now I have no excuse not to do b.o.a.'s more often. The skirt isn't exactly what I'm wearing, but it's close enough. I'll post a pic of the actual skirt too. It's from Esprit. The top is from American Apparel, and the flats are from Steve madden. Since it's basically summer, what the hell are tights?Source: Polyvore
Source: Esprit


Fuck Buttons and Foals (M.S.O.)

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a fan of bands with really freaking bizarre or inappropriate name. Fuck Buttons fills my inappropriate quotient. Foals...they're named after baby horses. Decide for yourself.

Anyway, Fuck Buttons is really nice, minimal techno. But they are really good for working out at a gym. If you like "Flux" by Bloc Party, there is a chance you might like their latest album, Tarot Sport. But they have many clever musical moments which convey the title and the imagery of the song.

Foals make great study music. Earlier today, I actually timed the free response portion of my practice test with the Antidotes album. I thought they were going to b unoriginal, but they are really clever. Whoever knew math rock would be cool?