The Human Centipede (M.R.)

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Whoa...first off, anyone who made it to the end of this movie deserves an award, like the Iron Stomach award. I managed to make it to the end without puking. But the plot was interesting, the details were...engrossing (yes, pun intended), and...I am at a loss of words.

One hundred percent medically accurate? Probably not. One hundred percent medically disturbing? Definitely. Remember a little video called "2 Girls 1 Cup"? If you can sit through that and Hostel, you can sit through this movie. Mind you, I never saw Hostel. Nor do I want to.

Some of the dialogue was absolutely brilliant. Not brilliant in terms of literary or film greatness. Brilliant in terms of humor. Such as, spoiler warning, "Japanese people possess great strength when backed into a corner." The things you learn from watching movies.

Dr. Heiter is absolutely evil. Deiter Laser does a great job portraying him as neurotic. He makes Hannibal Lecter look normal. Splitting Siamese twins apparently inspires people to make conjoined things of their own. The two girls who played the Americans capture a very VH1 stupid-20-something-year-old vibe. Yes, when girls get mad, they repeat their names in every other sentence. And the Japanese man was golden. Such a good character.

In spite of all things disturbing, I learned a few life lessons. Like, when your car gets a flat tire, do not leave the car. If you do, do not go into the woods. Stay on the road. Before you go on a roadtrip through Germany, learn German. I am sure it helps a lot. Do not go into some strange dude's house. And ask for an opened container of water. People really do not pay attention to "going out" common sense. If you have any lessons you want to share, please do so.

I do not recommend it for the weak of stomach. And I do not recommend it for people who enjoy quality movies. About 30 minutes of it could have been cut out safely and there would have been a better movie.

Rating: 6/10
Rating on the Hardcore Scale: 10/10

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