A Momentary Resolution

Taken from iheart-myself
I am going to be selfishly happy.
I care too much about people in general and probably not enough about myself.
I will start on Monday.  And it might end on Friday.  WHO KNOWS?
But I'm just going to do things that make me happy.  You want to have lunch at point A?  NOPE, we are eating at point B because Jo is deciding to be selfish.
But then Jo is going to feel bad after a day of being slightly mean and will go back to being pleasant.  But that happens.


Cornucopia of Thankfulness

Taken from baeblemusic:
Hey readers!  As you in the United States know, it is American Thanksgiving Day and as per usual, I will write a bulletted list of everything I am thankful for in life.  In no particular order as usual.  I love making this list because it usually makes me smile while writing it and thinking of the good in my life.

  • Jagiellonian University 2011: I am so grateful for this experience.  All the people, all the fun times, all the strange times, and all the work I put in that finally reflected in grades.
  • Cornell:  Thank you for never ceasing to surprise me with new challenges, new experiences, new friends and other things.
  • Schuyler House: Yes, we might have some disagreements, but this year I have heat (maybe a bit too much) and a large room with which to have guests in.  I am thankful to be in a better dorm.
  • My Friends Who Have Stuck Around Since Last Year: Reminiscing about last year is always and I always look forward to whatever adventures we may have next.  Also, thank you for being there during my rough patches.
  • Professors: You all teach me so many things and many of you calm my nerves when it comes to grades and whatnot so thank you for preventing yet another nervous breakdown.
  • Parents: Thank you for being so understanding of my gluten intolerance weirdness and sending me cookies and bread I can eat without hurting afterwards.
  • Internal Transfer Division: Thank you for allowing me to be able to get out the school that was giving me so much and letting me go to another one where I will enjoy what I study.
  • Bronies: Thank you guys for bringing love, tolerance, joy, and happiness into my life in the cutest way possible.
  • Friends with Cars: Thank you for taking me to places like Walmart and Wegman's so I can feed myself and be able to acquire random things.
  • All The Clubs I Signed Up For: Thank you for giving me something to do and new, exciting people to meet.
  • Music: Thank you for being the only thing that really gets me through studying.
  • BabyCakes NYC: Thank you for that wonderful cook book that never ceases to delight myself and my friends with deliciousness.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!


My Little Happy Weekend

Taken from sufficio
It's funny how you reflect on the ways you spent your "crazy" weekends last year to what you're doing now.  You realize, you have more fun meeting people, spending time with friends, making a few new ones, than going out, drinking dranks and doing freshman things like frat parties.  I think I am definitely more of a social butterfly, and by that, I mean, a girl who likes to talk and get to know people, not be wild with the same small group of people and being remembered as that girl.  I had an enjoyable weekend tasting wines, watching My Little Pony with an intimate group of friends, and baking brownies.  And I still feel giddy from all of it.  And it is amazing.


Writing Essays with Jo

Taken from sunshinerosepetal
First, start with a topic and start babbling.  Just keep saying things and things.  Halfway through the first paragraph of an introduction, you'll realized that you have just written something that might need backing up, such as the origins of the thing which you are babbling about.  Or you realize that you know nothing about it and perhaps including more would be a great idea.  A few days later, you'll be done with a draft.  And my God, every first draft for every paper you write is the next worst thing you've ever written in your life.  So then you'll print it out, after marathon testing, and whip out a pen and start dissecting it, scrutinizing every word, and realizing that you suck at tense consistency.  And next thing you know, the entire paper is covered in your chicken-scratch handwriting and things are crossed-out, blackened-out, and there are capital letter screaming improvements at you everywhere.  Oh, and, of course, make sure you're doing this while doing something else.  Like working on math problems or watching a show.  Or while contemplating how to make the coming weekend the best weekend ever.  Or how you're going to do ten points better on your differential equations test even if it's the last thing you do on this good earth.  And make sure that the essay is due a week or so from when this is all happening.  You're guaranteed to get distracted.  And, as if distraction cannot be enough, even consider writing a blog entry about your writing style.  But that improves your writing, so that's okay.


Good at Single

Taken from lesbians-so-many-pretty-ones
Being single again, is weird.  I'm talking truly single.  This time around, there is no best friend who will snuggle you at night, hold your hand in semi-public, to bring you coffee when you're sad...none of that.  You're actually on your own.  I guess it's an open invitation to meet people and smile at stuff at people you might think are cute.    And just trying to be an independent girl who's pretty, put together, and seems to have it all under control.  And relearning basic talking skills that come with trying to connect with people. This is an adventure.


Feeling Terrible

Taken from sunshinerosepetal 
I sat in my room holding my Yelling Bird for half an hour or so this morning.  The skin around my eyes is tender from crying so much.  I feel completely awful.  I feel used, led on, unwanted, and hurt.  Everything hurts.

At least he came to see me like I asked him to.  I wasn't going to let myself be broken up with via phone or text or IM or something really stupid and impersonal like that.  But the visit involved a lot of my tears and a lot of his apologies and a lot us hugging and cuddling and me weeping into his sweater.  I was just hurting so much.

And, I guess with hindsight 20/20, maybe there were signs that he wasn't totally into it.  But that's difficult because we were basically constant throughout the passed two months.  I mean, we did fight twice.  But every couple fights especially when you don't see each other for a while.  And it wasn't for lack of communication.

We talked.  A lot.  He just never thought about it...scratch that, he never thought.  And the part that kills me is that he just didn't know any better.  And that I did everything right and was the best girlfriend ever.  It just sucks.  And I feel terrible.  Just terrible.


What to Do When You're Angry

Taken from oowls
You cry.  You cry a lot.  You cry so much, you could probably use your tears to brew some tea with if you heated it up, but that tea would be super salty, so you wouldn't.

You look like an idiot in the library.  A few moments before you get really angry, you get really happy because of completing number 25 and 26 consecutively from the 161 Things to Do.  And it's the first time you've gotten above a 90 on a test since high school.

You have trouble breathing.  Your chest seems to constrict and you're making noises that you've never heard before because you're hurting that much, but you're not sad, you're angry.  And you're almost never angry.

You cry on your way home after laughing for hours and getting scared and excited by the latest The Vampire Diaries episode that marks the middle of the season.

On your way home, you call your best friend.  Because he's the only boy who's ever really cared about you.  And he's not even a boy anymore; he's a man.  He has a job.   He doesn't wake up in the afternoon on weekends and goes parties.  He does real people things.  And then all the reasons why you're best friends, even though you call each other "Butt Face," become clear.

You stand in the middle of your room and scream, having no way of relieving those awful feelings.  I mean, you're just so frustrated.  The kind of pain you feel is super internalized and you'd love to do something really dramatic like tear your room apart to go along with the yelling.  But you're worried it'll upset the spirits that most likely haunt it.

You go to a gathering with your friends. No one you know is there but it's nice because you're with your friends and being with friends is always nice.  They want to hug you, seeing that you're so angry and seeing how quickly things unraveled.  But you're too angry for hugs.  Actually, physically attention will probably make you even more upset.  And you don't know why, but your skin is just crawling that much.

You sit in front of your computer pounding out a blog entry about being angry.  While listening to Kimya Dawson and belting out every single word to every song of hers you like.  Which seems to include all of them because when she sings her lyrics, you feel like you have a new friend.  Someone who will spend time with you and strangely seems to know how to articulate how you feel when you're feeling it.

You be productive.  You're not going to let your anger over your personal life being half in shambles ruin all the other aspects that you are rocking at right now.  You're going to copy edit that article for that newspaper you tried working for to the best of your copy editing ability and silently wish it could be your job forever.  You're going to, for the first time since high school, ace your math test because you studied so hard and so well for it.  You'll show those current engineers that you're not leaving engineering because you're too dumb for it; you're leaving because there are other things you would rather be doing, trying not to sound pretentious.

The day you confront the reason why you're angry, you're going to dress up like a princess.  But not an old-fashioned princess.  A modern one who wears a ton of jewelry and make up that makes her look radiant and powerful.  You're not going to break.


My First Time Using an iMac

Taken from iXBT Labs
I never really liked Macs.  Mostly for superficial reasons of I simply prefer PCs over them.  But now, after having to use one out of necessity, meaning that the library mysteriously had no available laptops and no available desk computers, I sat at an iMac just to have a computing device.  And I can't say I like it.  The one hear is just a screen, I mean, a hard drive in a SCREEN?  It makes me so confused.  So if you break your screen, you basically lose the computer?  That's unfortunate.  That's really really unfortunate.  And I cannot seem to master this "no right clicking" thing.  Yes, I understand that you can use a setting, but the library computers do not allow for modification.  See also, why I can't write my nanowrimo novel right now.  In addition, I think it's a little too flashy; I prefer minimalism when it comes to my work space, but I guess that works for people who want to make creative things on a computer.  But now that I am using one, I can with more evidence say that I do not enjoy it.  But I can understand why, seemingly, most people at my college and in general prefer them.


Mental Health Day = Want

Taken from deciso
I wish I could safely afford to just stay in, put my mattress on my floor, surrounded by books, and change into my normal study gear: sweatpants and a sports bra and a hat.  But, alas, my schedule does not allow for that.  Most of my classes have lecture-only material that you need to go to the library and rent out just to catch up.  And that won't fix the fact that I missed out for a percent or two of lecture participation because I could not click in with my iClicker.  And all the information I am missing out on.  But my head hurts too much, but I really cannot afford to miss anything.  I wish I could.  But I guess I can do that Saturday, because I am actually sick and tired and need to be well for my prelims.