I come from
A small private school

The largest class
I attended had 20 people.

My largest college class?
Has 396.

That's almost twice
The size of my high school.

I am overwhelmed.
I've never been in an
Environment with
That many people.

Oh well.
That's what I get
For going to a college
That has 14,000 kids.


Not really caring
Has gotten too easy.

I do care...
I think.
I hope.
I want to.

But I should
Start trying
To demolish,
To completely destroy,
And bring down
This lovely habitation
Of indifference I have
Created for myself.

I think.
I hope.
I want to.

I (think I)
do not want to though.

Not because I am
That indifferent to
Whether or not
I can still be apathetic.

I'm just lazy.

You spend a whole year
Working on something
And the last thing you want
To do is bring it down.

I think.
I hope
I want to.

I got way too comfortable
In this nice house I built
For myself.

In order to get anywhere,
You have to do some
Uncomfortable things


"That's An Interesting Way to Put It"

Quote comes from SuperCalc

I do have an interesting
Way of putting things.

Like earlier today,
I had said,
"Everyone's made bad decisions.
Those who haven't, their bad decision
Is not making one."

Some decisions are worse than others.
Anything that ends in social suicide
Is called an experience.
Any that ends in actual suicide
Is called a tragedy.
Prayers go out to the family and friends
Of the boy they found yesterday.

I just don't get it.
The first week of classes
Hasn't even passed yet.

That's the tragedy of it.


Scott Pilgrim Vs The World (M.R.)

Poster taken from Shockya
I spent about two hours or so reading all six novels in the Scott Pilgrim series.  I loved every frame of it.  I cannot say I feel the same about the movie.  Sure, it was a great movie, but there was just something missing.  The acting and visuals were incredible, but I could not say it was as revolutionary as critics made it out to be.  Though the stylized violence added an extra layer of fun to the film.

Michael Cera plays Scott Pilgrim, a 23-year-old with no direction in life who is dating a high schooler.  He plays in a band and while at a party with his band mates, he meets Ramona Flowers, the girl of his dreams.  There's a catch: he has to defeat her 7 evil exes.  I thought Cera was absolutely perfect for the role, as if the novel had been written to be a movie with him in mind.  Although, the movie could have provided more back story to truly establish Scott as the schmuck he is.  The characters seemed not very deep, and the movie moved from battle to battle with no real flow.  The downtime between the battles was what made the novels so interesting.   Then again, it is difficult to condense 6 books into one 2 hour movie.

The visuals definitely kept me awake during my stomach-ache related stupor.  The incorporation of various video game motifs and having the Universal Studios sign all pixelated added to the fun of the movie.  The fight scenes were amazing and the fact that the actors did most of their own stunts was pretty impressive.  Sure, it was clearly video game violence, but at least the directors did not make the viewers feel as if they are playing it.

Overall, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World was a fun ride, but there was just that character development that was missing.

Rating: 7/10



Going back to my dorm.
It's about midnight.
Why am I here so early?
Like, I know the party
Was hella lame and ended
Actually, it's closer to 2 AM.
And I'm going to get
Another 6 hours of sleep.

But actually playing card
Games with my suitemates
Was actually pretty fun.
I mean, granted,
I wasn't in the best of states.
But nights in sort of like this
Could be good for me.


Lounging Around

It's surprising how social
A few college kids can be
When sitting in a room together.

Be it class,
A room,
A lounge,
An outdoor quad,

It is loads of fun.
Shit, I probably
Have work to do.


"And Living Proof That Sometimes Friends Are Mean"

Lyrics in today's title provided by LCD Soundsystem

Talking with MSCBFF
He tells me like it is.
Even if I don't wanna hear it.

Sometimes it could be depressing
Sometimes over all it just could be worse.
Happens all the time.

And usually when we talk,
I just cry.
Because sometimes I'm calloused
And mean.
Mostly to myself.

Sometimes I should not just work
On intuition because that is sheer
Excluded in the dining hall.

I know I should care a bit more
Than I don't, but
I should get involved.
To fill up my time.


I Heart College Lol?

I'd write a poem.
But I am too tired to.
I like college, man.


Randomness of People

Today was the most
Meeting-free but meeting full
Day I have had all weekend so far.

Let me explain.

Friday and Saturday
Consisted of many a formal meeting.

Sunday consisted of few meetings,
But I met a ton of people.

It's interesting what people
Can bond over.
Or techno
Or free food at the lgbt meeting.


2 AM

This one won't be about
The ridiculous times I wake up.

This is about the ridiculous times
I stay up.  It's past 2 A.M. as I am
Writing this and who knows
That socializing takes up so
Much time.

Everything is nicer without internet.
Or constant checking of facebook.

"And It Goes POW POW POW POW POW" (N.a.P.)

The lyrics in the title are taken from the LCD Soundsystem song I started off my first college morning with.   But I had a good first day yesterday.  I met all my suitemates, my room hasn't fallen apart yet, and I think I made a few friends...I think.  I mean, at least I met people like Masshole and VA Gamer who I talked to a lot on facebook and didn't really get the chance to hang out with when I first met up with them.  Curse you, parents!

Anyway, it's like midnight. Been running around up and down campus lots because I guess they want their engineering kids to be skinny.  So I am tired.  I will have a legit entry...soon.  I hope.


Well...It's Not Like High School

I remember my first day
Of freshman orientation
At Loyola pretty well.

Nervousness came over me
So badly that I did not
Want to leave my house.

It was 3:45 when I
Woke up this morning to start
The journey upstate to Ithaca.

I'm quite unsure if my
Tiredness and post -wake-up hunger
Numbed me or if I am legit
Completely not nervous at all.

I will get back to you about
That later today after all the
Bag are emptied,
The car is emptied
And the once empty
Room is now full of
My stuff and me.


Going Away To College For a Bit (N.a.P.)

Dear My People,

So I'm leaving for Ithaca, New York in a day or less. Butt-fuck no where, I know. And I have to be up at 4 AM, so I probably won't be sleeping tonight.  Actually, I might have to.  And I know I'm really excited and you're all thrilled for me. But there's definitely a huge chunk of you that are like "oh noez, Imma miss yo face" and "what am I going to do without youz?" There's a huge chunk of me that'll be like that too.

Let's step back, and breathe.  Haha, I'm being such a hypocrite.  As I'm editing this for 5 millionth time, making sure it's perfect, tears are streaming down my face because, you know, acoustic music is the best stuff to listen to when you're leaving most things and people you know for a while and need to get that full nostalgic effect.  But, I'm going to take it up like a big girl.  In all honesty, I'm a bit scared.  I've been away in places by myself, but I haven't actually lived there. 

But it's not like I'm being sent away to a hermitage or a nunnery or a cloister where I won't be able to contact you ever. I will keep in touch with those of you that have made a permanent residence in my heart (so corny, I know, bear with me). And I shall also keep in touch with those that I met recently, since I like following through on things and seeing where I'll wind up. Sure, we didn't get the chance to spend enough time to see where it will go. Good news?  I am coming back for Columbus Day weekend and Thanksgiving and Christmas/ January.

In addition to the so-far-yet-so-closeness of where my college is, there's also cell phones and facebook and the blog. I have T-Mobile so my cell reception might be terrible, but there's free wifi so computer is the way to go. Granted, I won't be able to be online as often as I was during the summer. The first week or so, I won't be online at all.  But wall posts and facebook inbox messages and emails are welcome. I like those better because I can step back and think of something super eloquent to say. Or reply quickly with something clever and snarky. Pick one.

But I will miss a whole bunch of people. Because I care. And I will try my best to keep in touch with everyone. I'm not going to make any promises for fear of disappointment and rawr towards me. Unless it's dinosaur "I love you" rawr. I'm not going to try to be profound (because that is stupid), but even in my collegiate state of study, friends, and God knows whatever else goes on at school, I won't forget the people who helped me be the girl I am today.  That's the only thing I can promise.

Love, hugs, and sincerity,

P.S.: Here's a play list of songs just for you guys.
P.P.S.: Seal found on the Internet via Google images.

Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones


My Cover of "Last Night on Earth" (N.a.P.)

So this video is dedicated to my friends.  Because I love them.  And one of them thinks Ithaca is not on Earth (Alice Dork). This is my first time singing into a webcam and showing off my guitar skills (or lack there of). Please be nice xD

NYC Facetime

Usually I get really nervous
Before meeting new people.
Like, my tummy is doing flips
And I freeze up a bit.

But that didn't happen.
I guess it's because I felt
Really at ease with the Violinist
Next Door.

For me, feeling confident
In situation where I'm meeting
New people is weird.
But awesome.
But weird.

But people seemed nice and
Friendly.  I'm really excited
For meeting new ones on Friday.



Will this look good on me?
Will I need this?
Will this remind me too much of past baggage?
Will I use this?
Will I wear this at least once a week?
Will I ever wear this?
Why is this necessary?
Should I get a bigger pack of this?
Should I buy two?
How much vitamin water does someone need?
Why do I own so much stuff?
These are images of my home.  Pretty, right? -_-


It Hit Me (N.a.P.)

Instead of doing a poem, I'll post some pictures I found on the internets of things that are my favorite things from home that I can't take with me.  All images are from iStockPhoto, Flickr, and the Guardian.  God, I feel so crappy right now.  Why is it only 5 days?

Everything is all ready for packing.  I just picked out my outfits for the next 5 days so that I don't have to sift through what's been put away to find something to wear.  Actually, screw that.  Let's go on sheer spontaneity.

Anyway, about the pics.  Each of those places have lots of meaning for me.  I either hung out there, had a memory there, or met really awesome people there.  And those are pieces of home you can't take with you.  Unless I figure out a way to make everything at Cornell open for 24 hours.  That will most likely wind up being my room.


"If It's Only Tonight, It's All Right With Me"

Lyrics taken from this lovely video by Electric Valentine called "Electric Ghosts"

In literature classes
In high school
You learn that
Every story has
A theme.
Even the more
Abstract, nonsensical

In junior year,
It was summarized into
A word, which is apparently
Considered a topic.

But themes
Are struggles against nature
And death is part of life.

See, this summer fit
Into the category
Of Yin and Yang.
More specifically,
Something good happens
And the bad is that it doesn't last.
But that's okay.

Appreciate the moment. 


Thrift Store Pants

Speaking of trends,
I've noticed that
Every time I've kissed
Someone this summer,
I wore the same pair of jeans.

I bought them at a thrift store
For 25 dollars and they seriously
Are a great pair of pants.
They're bootcut-skinny and grey.
Grey is my color.
One that I spell wrong
Every single time.

Now, I'm not going to
Use them as a good luck
Charm or, more appropriately,
A good ass charm.

But, it makes sense that
I've had positive encounters
While wearing them.

I feel confident in them,
"Confidence is sexy,"
And sexy attracts people.



Road Test (R.P.)

Yesterday night, I had the worst headache ever.  Like, imagine getting hit in the back of the head with a sledgehammer, then smashing your face into a wall and you're still conscious.  That's how much it hurt.  The room was spinning.  Therefore, I had no poem ideas prepared because I spent the whole day trying to enjoy my time with the Black & White Cookie amidst recovering from that monstrosity.  And I have my road test today followed by quality time with my good friend, Taillow, and attending a cabaret show.   So I am very busy.  I promise I will have something awesome tomorrow!


"Didn't I, My Dear?"

Lyrics in title from "Little Lion Man" by Mumford & Sons.  GREAT song.

So I guess
I am trying to leave
This place with as
Little regret as possible.
I've already been to
Most of the eateries
I wanted to go to.
I've visited the stores
I wanted to visit.
I've bought most
Of the things I need
To get started.
I've hung out with most
People I wanted to
Hang out with...

That's a bit of a lie.
One person I won't get
To see because of distance.
The other I should
Not be seeing.
The other has his girlfriend
Over so he's not free.
Plus he has a job and college
To go to.
Another is apparently
Moving to Virginia.
Another I really won't
See because he's not back
When I leave.
Another girl lives
Far away and is going
To college far away.

It really sucks to not see
Them before I leave for college.
But when I do see them,
That just means there will
Be stories and laughter
To be shared.


Heads Up

Hi so today there's going to be a reciting of the poem.  Because this is entry 500.

Some people believe in things
Like luck.
You know,
They don't walk under ladders
Or own black cats.
Or they carry rabbit's
Feet to ensure that nothing bad happens.

I'm not one of those people.

I believe in trends.
And sometimes things
Happen over and over again,
But it's generally not superstition.
I don't avoid things because arbitrarily,
Something bad will happen.

I pray sometimes, but

I'm not going to go into how
Prayer could be a superstition.
It's a concept that hurts my head.

Either way, I found a dime on the ground
Last night in the subway.
That's supposed to be lucky.
Maybe I should try something new.
Maybe today,
My luck will change.

Most likely into something I sort of believe in.


Going Away Picnic Field Trip

Borrowed from facebook.  Left to right: Alice Dork, ArizOHna, Tudor Girl, Hapsberg, GP Polak, and Skrypal╩╣.  That's me in the middle.
It was really sweet of Mulan
To do that for me.
She got people together
In the park to like wish me
Going away.

It goes to show people care
About me and stuff
Even though I feel like
I've fallen in a deep
Hole of uselessness.

I guess I was useful as
One point or other.

It's weird,
I'm in a strange limbo
Where I'm trying to
Give as little of a shit
As possible, but
That'd be too easy.

And care doesn't only
Come in the positive form.
You know,
Like gifts and putting food
On the table.
But there's also the negative care.
You know,
Like the person being on your
Mind all the time and you
Can't help but scream
Profanities when they're there.

Dammit, this was supposed
To be a positive post.

But nostalgia's one
Of those feelings that
You don't know if it's positive
Or negative.
That's why I cry.
Because I get confused.
And therefore frustrated.


Innocence's Grad Party (B.O.A.)

8/7/10Fashion Trends & Styles - Polyvore

8/7/10 by jladz65 featuring Coach bags

Yesterday I went to Innocence's long belated graduation party.  It was pretty fun, the food was incredible, and I hung out with a lot of good people.  There was one awkward moment that sort of lasted the whole time, but whatever, it was easy to ignore.  Today, I have a picnic to go to, to which I have no idea what to wear and I haven't posted a legitimate poem in 2 days, so I might go mega casual.

The dress is from American Eagle, the sandals are like those I own that I got in Century 21, purse is from Coach, necklace is from Guess (not Tiffany), and a giant white statement ring.


Paramore at the Nikon Theater (B.O.A.)

This is the first time I am doing a non-polyvore B.O.A. in a while.  But yeah, last night I went to see Kadawatha, New Found Glory, Tegan and Sara, and Paramore in Long Island.  I went with Alice Dork and she seemed to enjoy herself. Mostly because it was a seated concert and not one of those mosh pit monstrosities haha.  Tegan and Sara are so cute live, I swear to God, they ARE Nose-Ring Pixie.  And Hayley Williams is adorable too.  My favorite part was when they started singing on a couch.  It looked nice and cozy.
So the shirt and the skirt are from Urban Outfitters, the tank top underneath is from Esprit, shoes are Converse, socks are random, and the purse is from Coach.  Also, that is what my hair looks like when it is not straightened.


Strangers With...Constructive Thoughts?

I am in the
Party of people
Who mostly values
The thoughts of total
Strangers than the opinions
Of people close to me.  People
Close to me generally hold back because
They do not want to offend.  Strangers do not
Care at all.  They tend to go all out.  But it goes two
Ways.  So which opinions should people value?  Those that
Are backed up.  Or least something that's longer than an adjective.


Despicable Me (M.R.)

Courtesy of The Examiner
Despicable Me has got to be the cutest movie I have seen in a while.  You know the line "It's so fluffy, I'm gonna die"?  This movie is "so adorable, I'm going to disintegrate into a sap and cry by the end".  Which was amazing and does not happen often (I swear).

Steve Carell voices Gru, a large, ambiguously accented super villain who has one goal: to steal the moon!  You can tell this will be a ridiculous kid's movie, because silly villain, you can't steal the moon!  It's too big!  The accent totally made the role and he was so cool as a dad to the three little orphans.  I wish my dad were that cool.  My favorite of the orphans had to be Agnes.  She was so cute and carefree and just wanted happiness for her "sisters," even though some of her ideas were a bit unrealistic.

Everything about the film was adorable.  I would definitely love to own a minion to be cute and adorable and do my things for me.  Like make me a replacement unicorn toy.  My favorite?  Using one as a glow stick. What I truly loved about the movie was the fact that it touched on family love, especially love within an adopted family.  Because any hope of that being positive was completely demolished by that movie, Orphan, for the few that had seen it.  I honestly cried during the end because it was so touching and cute.  There was not a gag during the film that was either disgusting or just plain stupid in the sense that it reminds the audience that they are watching a kid's movie.

Clearly, this review was not as serious as past ones.  But there was nothing wrong with the movie, in my eyes.  It had the right balance of cuteness, silliness, and sentimentality. 

Rating: 10/10


My New Haircut (N.a.P.)

I finally got something I wanted.  I think it is a cause for celebration!  I was just sick and tired and having that mane I had.  Like, the only time it would pretty good is if I spent an hour straightening it and then hung out with really attractive people (my friends).  But I'm really happy with how it turned out.  Part of me wants to go a bit shorter, but I think where it is at right is totally awesome.  Voila!

I thought me going away was going to hit really hard after this because it is the last major change I'm making.  But it hasn't.  I still can't believe I have 16 days left.  That's about 2 weeks.  I am so nervous for moving out, oh my God.  I am venturing into the land of the completely unfamiliar.  I don't even know what my building looks like, where it is, how big my room is, what the scenery's like...at least I'll have a handful of people excited to see me.  Like VA Gamer, Masshole, and The Violinist Next Door.  SO EXCITED TO HANG OUT WITH YOU GUYS XD



I haven't even left yet.
And I already feel like
Is that what it's called?

I think I'm more
Longing to follow through
With how things are going on now.
Than putting them on hold.
When people get homesick,
They want to go back to their
Environment as it was before they left.
And I already want that and I haven't
Gone anywhere.

It's funny.
Because two years ago,
I totally would have wanted
To get away.
Or to go towards something
(Or, at that time, someone)
I really wanted to be with.

Then again,
Two years ago, I was a wreck.
Now I can actually face stuff.
And going away is just
Another challenge.
More will follow.


Shakespearean Camping Trip

Me and Douglass outside the wall at 4 AM
I don't think
I've felt so serene in a while.

Sure, doing two cans
Of Red Bull and half a jar of peanut butter
Wasn't the best idea.

But it was nice to
Spend a night without worrying about anything.

Although, there's almost
Nothing to do at 3, 4, and 5 AM.

I read a book, I jogged,
I sketched.  I haven't been so productive.

There really isn't anything
To worry about.
I mean, it's just you, the streets,
The lamp, the stars somewhere,
And most of all, time.  Time's
All you got.  Wasting it is
A bad idea.

What really wasn't nice
Was not getting tickets for the show.

I hope the others lucked out
On the stand by and got tickets.