My Dream Last Night

So I wake up and my day starts off as usual.
I check my email, eat a fiber bar, do some makeup,
And then I'm lazy.
On my facebook, I get an event invite
To a super fancy party
From someone who I didn't think ever wanted to throw
A super fancy party.

So I'm thinking "YAY PARTY!"
But then, just like last night,
I'm sitting in my jeans and a bra deciding what to wear
The next day.
Nothing came up, so my mom asks me to go get her some milk
For the next day.

I throw on a coat and run to Gristedes
To buy some milk.
She never told me what type so I bought three types of milk.
And I also ran into my math teacher
Who asked me to do her a favor
And go get something from Guitar Center.

I didn't know what she wanted from Guitar Center,
But I ran over there anyway.
And wow was I surprised.
Guitars were on sale...for five bucks a Fender.
So I look at them all and buy one
For five bucks a Fender.

So then I sprint back to Gristedes,
And give my math teacher a Fender.
She was happy.
I then bought the milk my mom wanted.
She was happy too.

Then Poofy Hair calls me and invites me to her house.
I didn't know if I should go,
But it was a lazy day
So I went. I told her about the fancy party
And she wanted to go to
On this lazy day.

So we go get some makeup from Sephora,
Where we run into Caveman,
Who is buying himself a straightener.
We both tell him about the super fancy party.
He's hesitant but decides to go with us.
We buy the straightener and go to
The super fancy party.

At the super fancy party in Uptown Manhattan,
I take off my coat.
And all this time...

I was in a bra and jeans.

Then I woke up.

Yay Supplements

No more mood swings (hopefully).
Just some stress of SAT (unfortunately).
Seeing cute people every weekend,
every day (happily).
Listening to techno music (dance-ily).
Stop cheating on rock music (regretfully).

Rock Bottom Again

Like The Offspring,
"All in all it's not so bad."

It really isn't.
I had to support myself,
like a single mother in high school,
Through that really hard break-up
That, of course, no one seemed to agree with.

And once again.
I have to support myself through
A "complicationship" that no one seems to agree with.
Well since there's another person involved,
I guess there's mutual support.

But still.
I'm alone again.
Well, third-party observers with no interest in the matter support me.

And that's all I need.
Righ?

No Poem Today, Just a Random Survey

001. Real name → Joanna L******i
002. Nickname(s)- Jo, HoJo, JoJo, Laddy, Skank..idk what else.
003. Zodiac sign → Gemini
004. Male or female → Female
005. Elementary → OLP
006. Middle School → OLP
007. High School - Loyola
008. Hair color → Dark brown
009. Long or short → Medium
010. Loud or Quiet → Somewhere in the middle
011. Sweats or Jeans - Both
012. Phone or Camera - Both
013. Health freak → When I feel like I'm getting fat xD
014. Drink or Smoke? → Meh.
015. Do you have a crush on someone? → Yeah
016. Eat or Drink → Food tastes good.
017. Piercings → 2
018. Tattoos → Never

HAVE YOU EVER?
019. Been in an airplane→ yes
020. Been in a relationship → yes
021. Been in a car accident → Yes
022. Been in a fist fight → Maybe...I don't remember

FIRSTS:
023. First piercing → 5
024. First best friend: Carlos in pre-school
025. First award → Prolly something for grades
026. First crush → *No comment*
028. First big vacation → Poland at like...4

LASTS:
029. Last person you talked to → Kayleigh
030. Last person you texted → Paul
031. Last person you watched a movie with → Myself
032. Last food you ate→ Fiesta mix
033. Last movie you watched → Eastern Promises
034. Last song you listened to → Where Is the Line by Billy Talent
035. Last thing you bought → Some weird rice and chicken shit that tasted good
036. Last person you hugged → Mom

FAVES:
037. Food → Anything warm colored
038. Drinks → Water, ginger ale, and root beer
039. Clothing → Undies
040. Flower → Anything pretty
042. Color-> Anything but warm colors
043. Movies → Too many to name
044. Subjects → Science, math, music, and art

IN 2008..... I
045. [x] kissed someone
046. [x] celebrated Halloween
047. [x] had your heart broken
048. [x] went over the minutes/texts on your cell phone
049. [x]someone questioned your sexual orientation
050. [] came out of the closet
051. [] gotten pregnant
052. [] had an abortion
053. [x] done something you've regretted
054. [x] broke a promise
055. [x] hid a secret
056. [x] pretended to be happy
057. [x] met someone who changed your life (not necessarily in a good way)
058. [x] pretended to be sick
059. [x] left the country
060. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
061. [x] cried over the silliest thing
062. [] ran a mile
063. [x] went to the beach with your best friend(s)
064. [x] got into an argument with your friends
065. [x] Hated someone
066. [] stayed single the whole year

CURRENTLY:
067. Eating -> Nothing
068. Drinking → Nothing
069. I'm about to → ...no idea
070. Listening to → Music
071. Plans for today → Homework, violin, working out, talking to people

072. Waiting for → No idea

YOUR FUTURE:
073. Want kids? → YES
074. Want to get married? → Yes
075. Careers in mind → Bio engineer

WHICH IS BETTER WITH A BOY/GIRL?
076. Lips or eyes → Eyes
077. Shorter or taller?→ Taller
078. Romantic or spontaneous → Both
079. Nice looks or personality → Both
080. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive
081. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant → Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:
083. Lost glasses/contacts → I lost my glasses at a concert and found them
084. Snuck out of your house → In Poland.
085. Held a gun/knife for self defense → No.
086. Killed somebody → No.
087. Broken someone's heart → Probably.
088. Been arrested → Nope.
089. Cried when someone died → Yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
090. Yourself → Maybe
091. Miracles → Sometimes
092. Love at first sight → No.
093. Heaven → I wonder sometimes.
094. Santa Claus → Yeah
095. Sex on the first date → No.
096. Kiss on the first date → Depends.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → In the current state of my mood, I want to be alone.
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? → If only my mom gave me my supplement back I'd be able to answer that rationally.
099. Do you believe in God → Yeah, but I wonder if He believes in me.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 people→ 10? eh

Apathy and Anger

I don't know if it's my mood swings
Or if I'm legitimately angry at you,
But I'm going with the latter.

You know how we had that conversation
About you not snuffing out our relationship
And how your not purposefully ignoring me?

And remember that other conversation where you consider
Me one of your closest friends?
Just so I wouldn't grill you about being busy and collegiate?

If that's really the case, why don't reply to my emails?
Why don't you IM me from time to time?
Or drop me a line? Or text?

Is it because I'm just some stupid high school ex-girlfriend?
Am I asking too much? I'd like to think, as "one of your closest
Friends," I'm still part of your life somehow.

And that stupid ex comment, I know I am.
Because you're never going to read this.
And it honestly pains me to admit that to myself.

I don't talk about you at all anymore.
There's nothing to talk about except what happened
Four months before and earlier.

It's closing up on a year of "what could've been."
And I'm sure you don't care.
You know what? Neither do I. It's just in my head all the time.

My throat is closing up writing this
Because I don't know if I seriously hate you
Or if I'm just pissed because of mood swings.

You know I hate not caring and how stressed it makes me.
It's the hardest thing for me.
But you know what else?

I
Don't
Care.
Not in the slightest.

I don't even feel like updating you on
Things that are going on in my life.
There's no point.

By the I finished, you would've been like
"Oh g2g, *insert activity*" or just get up and leave.
But I'm the one getting up and leaving.

Talk to you...never?

Vanilla Hands

Waking up the morning...
A lot of my poems start off that way,
Don't they?

Anyway,
I woke up this morning,
With a weird tingly feeling in my fingers.

So I went to my bathroom,
And got my nice vanilla-scented hand soap,
And washed my hands.

I then sat down at my computer,
And inspired by one of the Actress's pics,
decided to look through my own middle school pics.

Honestly--
The amount of "emo" and "goth" that oozes out of them
And out of my past style
Is best left in those pictures.

I know I was too big to pull off the look,
But I thought I totally rocked it.
I could totally rock it now,
But what's the point?

Sure the hair is awesome.
But it takes more effort than I would
EVER want to commit to my appearance.

I believe in looking good.
Not looking like something that only looks good in pics.
So those pics are best left as pics.

And no, they won't be posted on facebook
Or MySpace (where they probably belong).

I don't look like that anymore.
The only way you can see them is if you come to my house.
And chill.

Guitar Stores Never Lose Their Charm

Neither do acoustic guitars.
Neither does singing.
Neither does wandering around doing nothing.

Well, not exactly doing nothing.
But in most rational minds it's considered nothing.
But in my mind, I think it was awesome.

I can't play guitar.
I can't sing.
But that's why there are awesome people
That can do everything I can't do.

And differences make life fun
And interesting, so I'm not complaining that
I can't do everything. So whatever.

Yay excitement.

My Luck, My Ego, and I

So today I went to speech class scared shitless.
Not fun.

Teacher forgot that I had to give a speech.
Fun.

Giving a performance with someone tomorrow.
Maybe fun?

Partner doesn't know his parts.
Not fun.

Seeing cute guy after the tournament.
Really fun.

Waking up at like 6 tomorrow.
Not fun.

Shortened school days all week next week.
Fun?

Lent starts next week too.
Not fun.

Not being able to eat meat every Friday for forty days not counting Sundays?
SUCKS!

Music That Might As Well Be Instrumental

Usually when people listen to music,
The lyrics make them sad.
When I sometimes listen to music,
The melody breaks my heart.
And, as for most people, when I listen to music,
The lyrics and melody break my heart.

But it's usually mostly the melodies.
Usually melodies that are perfect and
I can't find anything wrong with them.
The ones that can't get stuck in your head
Because they're so complex.
Yet so perfect.

Perfect is a pretty depressing word.

It Can Only Get Better

It's Wednesday and it's raining
and I am fucking pissed off.
It's Wednesday and it's pouring
and I am pretty freaking annoyed.
I hope you shit, shit, shit yourself
Because I'll never talk to you again.

There's a speech tournament and
once again I'm pissed off.
There's a speech tournament and
once again I'm pissed off.
I'd rather be making out
Hot, sick, nasty making out
Just so I don't have to do that again.

Hello, Pessimism

Okay, so this is probably the first entry in weeks that I haven't written in verse. But I need to find some way of channeling my pessimism.

Stuff on my mind right now:

• Saturday's speech competition
• Not hanging out until have the SAT
• Relationships
• Grades
• College

If you can find some negative, non-optimistic aspect of those things, you can guarantee that that's where my mind is right now. And it's not fun.

Like part of the reason I can give such good advice is that I can see the ridiculously pessimistic side of all things and figure "HEY! The bright side is the complete opposite." Yes, I know, it's such a shocker. But that bright never seems to resonate in my head ever. It's all "blah you won't get anything remotely good on the SAT" or "your 'friend' will ditch you Saturday" or "he totally has someone aside from you." Yeah, it's pretty bad.

As you might be thinking, I put all this shit online because, unless I ask someone to read it, no one does. Well, I know two people that check the blog regularly. But the poems put them in such like entry-lag that there's probably no point.

There's no point in checking my cell phone, email, or AIM either. I like talking to people, but the real question is "do people like talking to me?" I hope they do, but ugh.

My pessimism has no limits.

Depressing-ish Things

I'm really worried, because for whatever
Reason when things start going right I need
To reminisce about the things that did
Not work out, and that's a pretty big list.

I'm happy but I'm sad, this really odd
Contradiction's really bad, I can think
Another way, but I think the happy
Is here to stay.

Like that Green Day song, "I'm a walking
Contradiction and I ain't go no right."

So I told that boy the story of why
Me and this guy aren't friends at this time,
It ended up being long and I'm sure
I disclosed more than what's considered healthy.

I went to the nursing home and a lady died,
I didn't know much about her but I fed her
Everytime. She had Alzheimer's so she
Didn't remember much.

Like Flogging Molly, "I'm doing my best
Hell, I'm doing all I can."

I'm just a girl who wants to be loved
Not just by her friends, but by everyone,
So two weekends from now there'll be a get-
Together and we'll all have fun just like
Last time.

Green 17

So we listened to music, the red-
Head and I, standing in the middle
Of the crowd.

The first band was alright, the sec'nd was not,
But people danced and cheered before the main band
Came on.

In about two minutes it got mad crazy.

She got punched in the back, I lost my glasses.

Everyone thrashed and moshed around.

I protected her back so that she would not get hurt.
I'm sure I got another concussion.

The crazy college boys with their beer-filled
Brains started fighting like mad, drunk Irishmen.

Crowd control was a useless thing since we fell
Down all over. I got punched in the head
And my stomach really hurt, but the music
Was the greatest thing. My friend and I
Retreated to the left side, to get some air.
That weird drunk chick followed us over there,
But then she disappeared again.

For the band was fantastic, playing tunes,
Half of which I didn't know the words to,
Me and she danced along, like the rest of
The mob. And then we had a fun sleepover.

A Fail-entine's Poem (by Jess)

Jo threw a bash
So begins our tale.
The loss of love
Is our epic fail.
We start with Jo
Who drives the guests over hurdles.
She introduced South Park
And later humping turtles.
We have Eric, Kyle, Stan,
And Kenny too.
They sang songs and said fuck
And what would Brian Boitono do?
Paul was there
And he has great hair.
Jo gave Paul a pat.
She forced Paul to sit
As she played with it
And quickly changed all that.

(Much love to the Failentine's 2009 crew <3)

In My PJs on a Friday Morning

I woke up at eight o'clock this morning,
Thinking "fuck I gotta go to the home
Today." Another day with my best friend.
That girl with the red poofy hair who has
A boyfriend that stole my freaking birthday.

And here I am, watching Juno at 9 AM
Chatting with my fave alum in my PJs.

I've been prepping emotionally
I won't crash tomorrow randomly,
Because I hate when people see me cry.
And tomorrow is Fail-entine's once used
To make people feel all right, but that's not
The case at all with me.

So here I am watching AVP Requiem,
Thinking of how cool aliens can be.

Mmmyeah.

Hey you, I finally found a poem
To write for you. And I'm kinda scared what you'll
Think of it, being so public, you know?

Like you're really sweet and you're so corny.
But it's cute and refreshing and makes an
Ass like me smile a lot (like a girl.)

Um like seriously, you make me giggle.
And I don't admit that often (if at all.)
It's because I don't wanna get hurt, which...

Well, I think most people can relate to,
But I think that you're pretty freaking cool.
And I hope you don't mind that this
Sits here on my blog, waiting to be read.

Speech Fail

I've got confidence enough to laugh
All you people off and throwing care away.
I trip up stairs and say dumb crap to amuse
Myself and flirt to make everyone feel good.

In general, you're the only one that
Should ultimately matter in your life.

My confidence draws people like a magnet,
I can't seem to turn that charm button off.
But hopefully I'm charming the people I
I want to charm. I think I'm succeeding.

A song: "Sometimes I think the stupidest
Things." That's quite true. At least too often for me.

Parties of the Rich and "Famous"

I was invited to last night's party.
I was invited. Me and my ego.
My ego told me that I looked quite pretty.
My camera seemed to disagree.

My ego told me that my dress fit in.
The Waldorf-Astoria said otherwise.
The party hall was quite huge and lavish.
That party was worth more than my building.

In spite of my inferiority,
I had tons of fun with my new friend set.
That party will be hard to beat, the best so far.
Also the only so far. It had EVERYTHING.

Confetti rained down toward the end of it,
Male and female dancers were hired to
Get kids dancing on the sparkly dance floor.
Most people danced, some even hooked up.

Public hook ups like that aren't my
Thing since I've been a third wheel for a year.
But the dancing with people was muy fun.
I can't wait for the next party...even if it's
Not as lavish as the one last night.

Urban Trash

Can't find anywhere else to hook up and
Have no decency for privacy.
You get what you want when you want it and
You have to be sure not to burn the Great Lawn.

All you guys do is get higher and higher
Until you reach a ceiling and fall down.

Kids like us are rarely wrong, rarely caught.
Who knows what in hell, morals aren't chic.
The fewer clothes you wear, more popular
And the more influential you become.

Priorities, what the fuck are those?
You don't really need them cause you have drugs.

Writing poems in Spanish class rather
Than reading some cruddy short story about
Five little kids on the run from bullies
Who throw rocks and live in a refugee camp.

I'm bored out of my mind, writing random
Lines while thinking about really cute people.

I'm staring at my old Euro Hist. teacher,
Wondering if she's pregnant or not skinny.
She could be either at the same time, but I don't
Care. The woman never liked me anyway.

I Don't Know About You Guys

I could've taken that quiz today,
Because I studied, obviously not like you.
The extra day on the essay we all
Could've used, and that's where I agreed.

Am I stupid? Yeah, I think so.
I doubt you guys would agree with me.

Getting random texts in the middle of
The day from sick friends and other friends,
My text life is starting to come back, yay!
But being a lady still isn't fun.

Sitting, listening to techno music.
Is that stupid? Prolly 'cause work is hard.

The crowds overrule the individuals.
All the time. Yet, soloists make changes.
I'm no revolutionary, but you know what?
I think it'd be pretty freaking rad.

My Text Life Has Gotten Pretty Dull

My fingers used to get all the exercise they wanted.
My heart would leap every time I texted.
And now there's no excitement
When my phone's in my pocket.

Oh well, whatever, got to keep going.
Like a freaking energizer bunny.

Sitting in my dean's office,
Can't believe I had to address all her thank you notes.
If only I got thank you notes
For all the awesomeness I do.

Not that she does anything, but whatever.
Got to keep being the energizer bunny.

And now I have to write a modest proposal.
You know what's the best proposal?
Not writing it at all.
That would solve a LOT of issues.

Stop Getting Sick, For Cereal!

When you read this bit of blog poetry,
I hope you know that it's about you.
Theology class is really boring,
Just because you're not sitting next to me.

The English teacher spent the day away,
She might've taken a snow day.

I had double Curry today for English,
Teacher bitched us out in Spanish,
Only one who did a problem in calculus,
And watching a Christmas concert video.

The girl sitting next to me fell asleep in class,
I think she wanted to take a snow day.

Brainstorming a poem for someone
Is the hardest thing to do.
How not to sound corny,
How not to be too sincere.

Can I give it to you
After we hang out
So then perhaps there might be
Something really sweet and cute to write about?

I'm so happy it's not Wednesday
Because then I would really want a snow day.

Welcome to My Life

No this won't be another bad emo song,
One that was written in 2004
By a really bad Canadian band
Also known as Simple Plan.

So on my way home, from my high school,
I saw this pretty lady with
Pretty bitching shoes.
I wanted to ask her, where she got them,
But I didn't cause I thought it'd be rude.

Earlier last night, my best girl friend had
Fallen off a chair and almost broke her leg.
I felt sorry, so I visited her.
We laughed about stupid reality TV shows.

And before that, I was in English class,
My English teacher told me to shut up
Because I, for once, did my homework,
And therefore knew all of the answers.

So right now I'm sitting doing homework,
Studying for a test I prolly will not fail.
And my mind is zipping to a thousand places.
I'm starting to wonder if it will
Ever settle down.

Same Old Attitude Problem

You're lyrics are clever like another genius.
All the hate mail you get is a product
Of teen angst and corporate jealousy.
Keep pumping albums and I'll keep buying.

To be successful one needs to keep the same
Old attitude problem with new flair.

Monotony kills, go crazy, go wild.
Stand on a building, scream "fuck it" for people
Below to hear and to be inspired.
Do what you want and want what you do.

All it takes is an attitude problems.
Put on some makeup, take off some clothes.

Kiss your best friend, kiss a hobo,
Kiss a homo, kiss a toddler,
Kiss your worst enemy...on the cheek.
Kiss your parents, kiss a grandpa.
Kiss your cranky neighbor nicknamed Wanda.

All it take is your favorite old attitude
Problem with new clothes, new makeup and new flair.