Relaxation (R.P.)

I have not been able to do this for a while. Why? Hell weeks and APs. But I'll try to update when I can!!

Worst Case Scenarios

Soloist pulls hamstring.
Violin bow malfunctions.
Violin string breaks.
Guitarist gets nose bleed.
Soloist gets cut.
Microphones imitate a bombing.

Failing all my classes.
Getting decision revoked.
Getting horrid illness or accident.
He's gay.
Parents get into horrible accident.
Not sleeping.

One Homework Assignment

My head is pounding
And if I get one more assignment
I think that it's going to explode.
I'll be buried under a million
Years of work from bio, stats, and Spanish.
I thought senior year was supposed to be fun.

Tonight I don't think I can
Handle anything deeper than
"Puppies" and "ponies" and "cones."

At least I remembered and got all
My memories that I lost 2 years ago.
Sophomore year was a blur
And right now I'm pretty sure
It wasn't entirely all that bad.
There just was that one part in the middle.

Penguins

Source: iStock Photo

Waddling in their
Handsome black and white
Coloring across the bland ice stages,

Yeah that'll be us
On Thursday night at the spring concert.

Whether or not we'll be as majestic
As the emperor penguins, I don't
Know.

I can't say that our signing will
Be as graceful as their water-flying.

But we can always try.

On Poetry

When there's so much
Going on that the inspiration isn't
There, you know
That there's a problem.

Esta una problema muy grande.

Another thing that's a problem?
Not knowing what my
Spanish test is on.

Another thing that's a problem?
Feeling really confused
And frustrated.

The problem with that?
All the crying I do.
It's half comical.
Mostly unnecessary.

But the greatest issue
Is that I can't find the inspiration
To write a poem.

...Looks like I just did.
Whoops.

D'AWWWWWW!! (N.a.P.)

So my favorite web comic artist, Jeph Jacques from Questionable Content, recently got a Great Pyrenees dog which looks absolutely adorable. I mean, his twitter is on the site for reading, so I saw a pic of the dogs and OH MY GOD, CUTEST THING EVER.

New favorite animal: it's large, fluffy, and comes in black and white.

Source: Google Images

Unce Unce Unce Unce Unce

It's the only thing that
Gets me through my work.
If you can't figure that out,
It's a verbal representation
Of techno, dance, and trance.

And caffeine.
I honestly love
It when it makes my
Mind go at a million miles
Per hour, because then
I actually get the chance
To slow down and think about things.

Like right now,
I need to plan out the last
2 or 3 pages of my research project.

I'm not sure how much exactly
Is left because of single-spacing.
But I'm sure it's not a lot.

I've still got two major points to cover.
Which should add two more pages.

Huh?

Oh the changes.
Sometimes it's worth it.
Most often, it probably
Isn't.

If it isn't an eight or a nine
Or a ten out of ten,
It definitely isn't.

I used to put myself out
There, in hopes of letting
Someone in.

Now, I kind of keep the door open.
Like an ignorant, New York kid.

Stuff I thought that used to matter,
Like dates, kisses, and love and sex,
Just don't take priority
Right now.

Half empty or half full?
Is a question people tend to ask.

To determine a positive or
A negative person.

I'd say it's pretty damn full.

The things I used to obsess
Over, that like invaded my head
(Imagine a chasm at the end of a broken dam)
Just don't matter.

And I guess it's just all better.
Being open-minded made it that way.

You meet someone
And think they are cool...

Just go talk to them to see if they actually are.
Reality is better than fantasy.

Because at least then you know it's real.
And nothing's ever certain
Until you give it a shot.

I think I'm going
To try giving it a shot.

All you can do is miss, right?

Singing and Sighing

As if chorus didn't feel
Torturous enough.

Actually,
I am completely exaggerating.

I was just in one of those
Moods where like...

You're itching to be anywhere
But where you are.

Like, even if you just move
Somewhere else
From where you were
Just standing,
You want to move again.

I don't get how I sat through
A one-and-a-half-hour
Confirmation.

And then one-and-a-half-hour
Wait for food at the diner.

Better than being at a speech tournament.

Hello, ten-page research
Project. We won't be friends.

Water Can Clear Things Up

Before we had
Windex
And other cleaning
Detergents,
We had water.

And water can
Clear the dirt out
And show a much brighter
Picture.

I KNEW ALL
MY FRUSTRATION
AND ANGER TEARS
HAD A PURPOSE!

Caffeinated

Fuck that 4/20 weed shit.
I'm allergic to it anyway.

My drug of choice?
Caffeine.

Get me some of that coffee shit.

Straight up black.
With no sugar.
No milk (allergic to that too).

Eh, maybe a bit of cinnamon.

To kill the appetite.
So I don't have to get up from
My work.

OH YEAH!

Graduation Dress Shopping (B.o.A.)

Today I went graduation dress shopping after my senior exit interview. It wasn't so bad. It was really nice of my old math teacher to notice how much weight I've lost. But today, I really didn't feel all too slim or tiny. Trying on white dresses didn't help much either.

So this is the first I tried on. I liked the waist, but I feel it made me look huge. It rounded out my hips a bit much. Sorry about awkward-ass pose. Plus, I think it qualifies as off-white, not white.
This is the second. I really like the cut and shape. Bonus to not having to think about accessories, haha. I really liked the detailing, which is evidenced in the purple dress that I tried on for prom a while ago.

This third one I absolutely LOVED. Of course, it was the most expensive of the three. I think I have accidentally expensive taste. I should really check price tags before I try something on. Anyway, when I lose a bit of my belly, it'll look awesome. With pilates and strength training, it is an achievable goal!

Job Applications (B.o.A.)

So today I spent my entire morning before Church applying to jobs at like American Apparel, Urban Outfitters, American Eagle, and Lush Cosmetics.  I hope I hear something good from the places.  If not, just keep trying, right?

I got the cardigan I'm wearing yesterday to finally spend the gift card I had to urban outfitters.  I also saw these shorts that looked really good on me, but I'll save up and get them some other time.

So.  White tank top by Esprit, cardigan by BDG at Urban Outfitters, jeans by American Eagle, booties by Steve Madden, bag from Coach.  I hope this gives a good description of my personal style.  Because I am freaking adorable.  At least, I think so.

Cornellian Impressions (N.a.P.)

I'm going to write this in the form of facebook statuses.  Teehee!

"Joanna thinks it's pretty nice and chilly up here.  She can get used to this."

"Wow I didn't think I'd see that kid around here.  That was weird."

"God, all these people in the class of 2014 seem a bit antisocial.  Or maybe it's cuz they're with their parents.  That's my excuse."

"My host seems really nice.  As does everyone else I've mustered the courage to talk to when my dad left.  TAKE THAT PMS!"

"There's a couch, a tv, a kitchen, the rooms are big, and the bathroom is really spacious and awesome.  I think I would like to try out this townhouse arrangement."

"OMG SO MUCH WALKING GYAH!  At least I wore sneakers."

"Holy shit, they have a vegetarian counter.  FOOD IS AWESOME."

"Hmm...great, I get to sleep on a couch.  At least watching Cougertown with my host and her bestie was fun."

"What the hell?  It's three A.M.  At least if/ when I actually live here, I'll be sleeping in a legit bed.  I thought I was short enough to fit the couch..."

"So I'm waiting for this welcome session to start and there's a cutie sitting two seats away from me.  Time to stop being awkward."

"740? 710?  How the FUCK did I get in then?"

"Good to know there are people who think the same way I do...I should get this kid's number."

"Hmm.  I like Uris Library.  When are the stairs going to start moving?"

"An underground library?  Damn, this place is innovative."

"Aw shit, I left my sleeping bag sprawled all over the couch.  Must trek back to fix that."

"GAH!  Skipping this breakfast this morning was bad.  Now, I wish I had normal people cravings, like cookies and ice cream...not garlic hummus and pretzels."

"Okay, now I need to walk all the back down campus to meet some kids in the engineering school.  OF COURSE I accidentally take the scenic route.  It's so pretty though."

"...engineering boys=cuties.  And of course I'm like the only chick here.  Wheee ^-^"

"Engineering quad food is great too.  Actually, the engineering quad is awesome."

"These labs are crazy.  40 to 60 hours a week working with a project team?  That's INSANE.  But kind of intriguing.  And attractive."

"So I'm hauling my ass up to north campus with a kid I've been hanging out with for three hours whose name I don't know.  It's okay, I don't think he knows mine either.  Wait, I've got my name tag on.  Shyt."

"The singles dorm house looks more like a...I don't know, kind of reminds me of alcatraz.  Yeah, I've been there before.  But the rooms are really big."

"So now I head home.  Highlights: awesome dorming, awesome food, really friendly people.  Academics are a given.  Low points?  Only having about...2 bars of service at any given time."

That's a basic summary of my two days at Cornell.

Importance Of Being

I think I should strive towards
Being that person that I am
When I think of how I am.

Like.
Thought Joanna is super confident.
She isn't afraid to speak her mind.
She isn't afraid of any impressions
She could make and
She doesn't care about what
Other people think.
She also is really eloquent and
Says the right things at the right times.
She hates eating meat
And loves drinking coffee.
And likes hanging out one on one
With people in the weirdest of settings.

Thought Joanna is also skinny,
Stylish, flirty, funny,
Abrasive (when necessary),
Confrontational (also when necessary).
Assertive, brave, and smart.

What's nice to know though
Is how much of that girl I'm becoming.

I imagine some people
Will be like "What the hell is she talking about?"

I feel it.
And I guess that's all that matters.

Day of Silence

Does this apply only to LGBT kids?
Like, to join in solidarity
With LGBT kids who get harrassed?

What about all the countless
Others who do?
Will we be joining them in our silence?

The kids who get bullied
For no concrete reasons.
Because they're red headed.
Because they wear black a lot.
Because they conform to some
Kind of lifestyle or religious belief.
Because the bully is insecure.

Do they get a day of silence too?
Or does Day of Silence encompass
Everyone?

It'd be nice if it did.

Ultimately...

Ultimately,
What I want doesn't matter.

Not in the least.

Like, honestly.
Who am I kidding
To like that school so much?

Honestly,
I probably won't end up
Going there.

Just because of some
As shit
Numbers on a piece of white paper
In the mail with a freaking
Official red seal on it.

God, that sounded
Really angry.

But I am very upset.

The entire car ride home,
I blamed all the walking
On me being tired.

I'm tired of feeling
This way.

I know I'm pmsing,
But it comes up even
When I'm not.

I think about it a lot.

It's getting to the
Point that I almost
Want to go anywhere
Just so that I don't have a choice
And don't have to deal with the feelings.

But there are two syllables
For that:

Stu-pid.

Don't Lose Touch

Sometimes people drift apart.
They don't talk anymore
Or someone joins a different club.

Lots of drifting apart
Will happen once the seniors
Go to college.

And I realized
That some people I will
Totally lose touch with.

Because they are awful
At texting back.

Because they are awful
When conversing online.

Because they never
Pick up their phones.

And facebook?
MySpace?

I want something a bit more
Personal.
Because with social networking...

You don't even have to say a word
To the person.
Most of the time.
You can just look
At their page and know everything.

New album with lots of
People you never seen before?
They have new friends and they party with them.

Relationship status change?
Looks like they either got an other
Or broke up.

New profile picture?
Wow, they totally let go.
Or hey, nice haircut.

All without saying a word.

Anger

It's a feeling
That's quite foreign
To me.

Usually if I'm "pissed off,"
I'm not actually.

I'm generally just
Usually annoyed
Or frustrated.

And since the feeling is so new,
My innate reaction
Is to start crying.

How the hell would
That work out
In the animal world?  Or
Prehistoric days?

"Ugga Thug stole Umma Guh's
Husband.  Umma Guh go cry
Now instead of kill
Ugga Thug in mad rage."

Yeah.
I'd survive long in caveman days.

The VH1 Sundays = BET Argument (N.a.P.)

Source: VH1.com

Tonight is the first night in a long time that I am not watching VH1.  Tonight's line-up: Brandy and Ray J: a Family Business, Basketball Wives, and What Chilli Wants.  I have nothing against celebrities who happen to be black.  What I do have a problem with is having a night seemingly dedicated to them.  Why not spread them out?  Have Brandy and Ray J on a Monday and still keep the other two on Sunday?  It just seems strange to me.  But there's a deeper issue VH1 has to deal with.

People liked VH1 for the characters on it, such as New York, Meghan, Lacey, etc.  These people were so exaggerated.  When I first started watching programs such as Rock of Love: Bus and Charm School, I did think the programs were dumb.  But after a while, they got really entertaining.  Because of how crazy these characters were.

But now the network wants to take a classier, more fabulous direction.  But glamor, honestly, is a bit boring.  The Let's Talk About Pep program got really boring really quickly.  The style of the show was interesting, but the subject matter.  No one really cares about the individual dating lives of celebrities no one cared about when they were famous.  The shows such as I Love Money and the entire of Love dating universe proved more interesting.  The only show I really want to watch now is Tough Love: Couples because of the dramas and Price of Beauty because I like learning about other cultures.  TRANSform Me's novelty of having transgendered makeover women wore off quickly.  TLC has a similar program that is more successful called What Not to Wear.

In my opinion, if VH1 wants to keep that classy aspect, it should mix it up with the trashiness.  And not have nights devoted to either.

Airplane Crash 4/10 (N.a.P.)

This morning, I woke up to the sound of my mother talking dramatically to my dad.  Being a bit annoyed, I turned around on my bed to check the time.  It was 6:45 AM on a Saturday, my parents were up and the television was on.  Unusual scene for my family.  I go into the living room and there is footage of a massive plane crash.  The president of Poland had died in shown plane crash.

Not only he died, but no one survived the event.  And a bunch of other important people died as well.  Here is the list according to the Law and Justice Party (PiS):

Lech Kaczysnki _ Polish presidentMaria Kaczynska _ The president's wife
Ryszard Kaczorowski _ last president of the anti-Communist government-in-exile in London, 1989-90. The government-in-exile was set up after the prewar Warsaw government was forced to flee the Nazis in 1939.
Aleksander Szczyglo _ head of the National Security Office and former defense minister
Pawel Wypych _ presidential aide
Mariusz Handzlik _ presidential aide
Jerzy Szmajdzinski _ deputy parliament speaker and former defense minister
Andrzej Kremer _ Deputy Foreign Minister
Gen. Franciszek Gagor _ head of the army chief of staff
Andrzej Przewoznik _ minister in charge of WWII memorials
Slawomir Skrzypek _ head of the National Bank of Poland
Janusz Kurtyka _ head of the National Remembrance Institute, a state body that investigates communist-era crimes
Przemyslaw Gosiewski _ lawmaker
Zbigniew Wassermann _ lawmaker
Grzegorz Dolniak _ lawmaker
Janusz Kochanowski _ civil rights commissioner
Bishop Tadeusz Ploski _ army chaplain

This is a lot of important people and the irony is overwhelming.  They were traveling to Katyn, a region in Russia where a terrible massacre had occurred.  Russia has to do some major damage control even though it was not their fault.  At least that is what the investigation seems to say.  I'm not going to go into any conspiracy theories.  I just want to pray for those people, their families, and my mother country, Poland.

The Lighthearted Entry First (N.a.P.)

I am going to start off with a disclaimer: Green Day is my favorite band ever.  So of course, I thoroughly enjoyed (loved) the American Idiot musical.

Honestly, it was a lot of fun.  Translating the songs from their alt rock existence to the stage was flawless.  Some of the parts, such as lines in "Jesus of Suburbia," made more sense when sung by girls.  John Gallagher Jr, who played Johnny, had such an incredible energy.  He did a great job portraying a stoned/in love/ stoned/ desperate human being trying to make it in the world.  Or in recent past America.

The story followed the one presented in the American Idiot.  That's appropriate, considering that the musical is based off it.  But some extra songs from 21st Century Breakdown and few B-sides from the namesake disc were also added.

It was a one-act and the stage morphed so awesome.  A few of the "stunts" were awesome, like when the cast pulls down the stairs to make a bus while Johnny is standing on top of it.  So many strobe lights and effects and the television showing motifs from iconic, early 2000's images really added to the story.

This also reminded me why I feel in love with Idiot in the first place.  It's about a guy whose life sucked, he tried to make it better, but that sucked, and he's back at square one.  To me, it shows that you can epically mess up and still be alive and allowed to start anew.

Yeah, I read into my albums too much sometimes.  But I recommend this really fun musical which might include Broadway's first mosh pit.  Or not.

"All Around Are Familiar Faces"

Well.
In about...
A few months.

Not anymore.

And I'm wondering
If I should be excited.
Or scared.

Should I focus on
Meeting lots of people
At once?
Or meet a few I connect
With and keep to those.

I know that kind of
Backfired this summer.

So I think I'll use the meet
Lots of people and
Connect later.

Like me and My Twin Brother.
We didn't really click
Instantly.

But I think we click pretty
Well now.
Actually,
I'm pretty sure of that.

New Level! (N.a.P.)

I give you pretty girl working out, you give my blog the time of day. Haha, just kidding. I love looking on istockphoto for pictures relevant to blog entries and MySpace secrets posts. So you can assume that I don't look like the woman to the right. There are no pictures of me in minimal clothing on the internet. At least I hope not.

Anyway! So school got out a bit early today so instead of wasting time strolling the upper east side with my friends, I went home. The fact that some of my besties, like Mulan and Electrohead, were on track motivated me to get some exercising done. I usually do, but on hot days, getting the motivation is impossible. I like my cold. So I did pilates and went onto my strength training regimen. Well, it's not really strength training. It's working out with weights. Either way, I can usually get through one cycle of it.

But today! I did two! I feel like a win! I couldn't push my body hard enough to do a third, but that's okay. Getting to three shall be my goal for the next time I work out.

Working out is awesome. For those of you who read the blog wanting to lose weight, working out really helps for toning and stuff. But you can't have a crappy diet and great work out and expect to look like that! That's what I've learned from eating the school cookies (they be so good though!). I'm trying to lose some more weight before I go to college so that when (unfortunately, not if) I gain the Freshman 15, it won't be as bad. At least at one of my accepted schools, the gym is right next to the engineering campus.

Anyway, that's all I wanted to say today. I wonder how many cycles I'll do tomorrow!

College Visits

Excitement.
Meeting new people.
Staying at a new place.

This shall be
My next two weeks.

I hope it will be good.

It better be good haha.

Burn Out

Not talking about
A video game
That ends in the
Word "revenge."

There are 5 weeks left.
Not that much time.
The shortest quarter ever.
And school ended two hours
Ago.

Book sit patiently
In my backpack,
Waiting for me
To open them.

But I don't think
They really want to be.
It's because of the abuse.

I constantly crease pages,
Strain the stitching on the back,
Toss them on my bed
When I'm done.

Do they really need all
That violent action.

But then again,
In four weeks,
I won't need them
Anymore.

Because that fifth week
Is the week from hell.

No more textbooks,
But plenty of testing.

Please tell me
That at least the texts
Have served their
Purpose of actually
Trying to teach me
Something!

Pet Rock (R.P.)

70's gold, ladies and gentlemen. I was watching I love the 70's and all I thought was "really? REALLY?" Apparently, someone invented it. I kind of thought rocks were around forever. I guess every kid needs a friend. Except for Michael Ian Black can't have one; he's "allergic."

These Next Five Weeks

Five weeks
Isn't long enough
To burn out.

So I'm going to give it my all.

What can I do in
Five weeks?

Lose some pounds.
Earn some grades.
Beast through the worst day ever.
Rock at a concert
Tie lose ends.
Burn some bridges.

Ahahaha, I shall be busy.

Tool Academy Finale (T.V.C.)

So they picked Jacob. I now saved you watching an hour (or two if you want to) of the finale. I don't really know what to say. I wasn't rooting for him the entire time. Honestly, I wanted Jennavecia to win. Not because I'm a chick and she's a chick--that's just stupid. She kind of backfired on herself towards the end though and it might have been a bit of a ploy by Dayna and Angelo to get them off. Kyle seriously rocked.

My favorite moment? Kyle's makeover. Right, that wasn't aired on the second to last episode, but it's readily available online. Seriously, I've never seen a man so comfy in his masculinity. Actually...I got one of my friends to wear a bikini once. Yes, he was male. No, he was (and still isn't!) gay or transgendered.

Favorite screen shot? Dayna's face when Jacob kicked over the TV. I didn't think the oval-shaped, shocked duck face was possible in real life. I guess it is.

Favorite tool? Jordan. There's a difference between favorite tool and person I wanted to win. Jordan...I don't know if he really cared, but his commentary about Jennavecia in relation to the tools and other topics was just great. Plus, he had awesome hair and was really funny. So was Kevin though. Besides cheating on his wife, he didn't really have that flamboyant tool personality everyone else seemed to have. Oh well.


I hope Jennavecia, after watching her blow up, goes to Charm School. That would be incredible. Can't wait for Tool Academy 4!

Happy Easter (R.P.)

So I'm doing some like major self-figuring-out recently so sorry for this cop-out post. But Easter is really important. So is Passover though. But I celebrate Easter.

Actually.

HAPPY WHATEVER YOU CELEBRATE THIS TIME OF YEAR!

Mixed Up

All the quizzing
I want to do...
I don't know how
Normal it would be.

But I need answers.
I need to figure out
Some things.

See?
I'm not saying
That I want to.

So I might actually
Be able to get
Something out all
These questions
I have for people.

College Announcement Summary (N.a.P.)

Acceptances:
SUNY Binghamton
Boston University
Carnegie Mellon University
Cornell University
Drew University
Drexel University
George Washington University
Johns Hopkins University
Lehigh University
Salve Regina University

Waitlisted:
University of Chicago

Rejections:
Brown University
Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Yale University

Yes, I did apply to a lot of universities. I am quite satisfied with my acceptances and my rejections, strangely enough. Best of luck and congratulations to all college-bound high school seniors :D