"Hurry, Hurry; You've got my head in such a flurry,flurry"

Dear People Who Bother Reading This Crap,

I feel like I'm growing distant. Like, the line between PMS and pissed off is really starting to blur. And the list of people I tell everything to is growing shorter as well. Well, the one person I do is almost getting kicked off it because he is really busy being a college kid and it makes me sad. And I know it is really really easy to say "oh mah gawd, he's not your bf, let him be." Well, you tell me how easy it is to not talk to your favorite person everyday or really often.

Another dead weekend going by. Four hours killed by a practice test (though I actually think I did well on it). I am just hoping that nothing "exciting" happens because when something exciting does, it is usually not in my favor and just makes me stressed out.

My goal for the semester is to straighten my social life out because it gets more complicated than my mind can handle (yes, smart people can crack sometimes). It has sort of plateaued, I guess. It needs to plateau a little more.



Closure (My First Sonnet)

Standing on the railway platform,
I thought that day when you would leave
Would not arrive. We had prepped for the storm.
Little I knew that I was so naïve.
Those first three weeks were very hard.
There were no seconds when I stopped thinking
Of you. My friends helped me cover the scars,
But the next three months were really daunting.
Though I left you and you would still call me,
Wounds I ne’er touched would be reopened. I saw
Pictures online; I’d cry myself silly.
My friends would take me to a mental spa.
I met some people who think I’m cool
Without you, with them, I act like a fool.

(I know it sucks, but whatever. It's for school).


"You Can Feel My Lips Undress Your Eyes"

Dear Reader(s),

This is the...third day in a row I believe that I am posting a blog entry instead of doing homework. I have no idea if this is a horrifically bad habit or not, but I'm sure my random rants amuse you.

So...today's rant: effort. Is it JUST me, or are there some subjects where it seems like the less effort you put into it, the higher your grade is? Like my English class...I rush-studied for my latest essay test because I really wanted to watch Tool Academy. Then I take the test, and I get like an A+.

If only calc worked that way. I really like calc though. This semester, it's like a puzzle. I like puzzles...but cool ones, like sudoku that involve lots of numbers. Then again, after a quarter with calculus, you eventually forget how to count and add numbers, so sudoku and calc have nothing to do with each other.

Well it's coming that time (dinner), that I should really start getting work done.



What I Do Instead of Study For Tests I'll Most Likely Get An 80 On...

Dear Music fans and people who need to look through my iPod (CAVEMAN),

I downloaded two CD's today.
And am listening to them. So the background music to my calculus test will be something between "Katherine kiss me" and "today we will be demons." In other words, indie rock and death techno. Yes, I am amusing.

And in the meantime, I still have to write a theology mini-essay and study for this test. But I am stupid and have no priorities...I know, I'm so cool.

But start listening to Franz Ferdinand and Combichrist. They are SO GOOD! But not necessarily when shuffled together.



"Hra-tsa-tsa, ia ripi-dapi dilla"

Dear Reader(s),

I like folk music. It's so addictive. Like Ieva's polka. I really want to learn it in Finnish, even though I don't know where one word ends and another begins. It's kind of like German...not really because some people can hear and translate German really easily even without learning it. Like "ich habe ein buch." All you gotta know is that "ch" is pronounced like the "ch" in "loch" and you're good.

I really should be writing my AP US DBQ but pssssh to that. Although, it does count as part of my test...

Teaching is a hysterical profession. It'd be eternally amused if I was one.



"The House By My Deli"

Dear Frenchwoodites,

Parties are super duper fun. In general. The best ones are with really cool people and lots of music, sugary goodness, and love. Ice cream in winter? Crazy, yes. Delicious, yes. Stupid, no. We went from going to Uno's, then buying like really cheap pizza, then raving in my room. So much fun stuff.

I really really love you guys. Like, I don't even go to Frenchwoods, but you people are awesome! We really need to convene more often so we can have more fun, more parties, and maybe actually have a sit-down dinner that's not pizza. Even though it was delicious.

Heehee we should be total spring-breakers and party it up like every other day. But we'd prolly get sick of each other...but then we party some MORE! We should get a different flavor of ice cream everytime.

Sounds good?



You're SO FUNNY! (Not Really)

Dear Readers,

You know the phrase "adding insult to injury"? Well, it's been proving so true recently. It's been proving true since the break up. That was bad enough, but everything following hasn't made it any better.

I know I'm pretty. I know I'm smart. People tell me I'm the nicest person ever. Some others say I'm really annoying. But seems like nothing's been working out besides school. But school always worked out. It's not like it's so really "HOLY SHIT!" thing that school works out for me.

Today was half-fun, half-adding-insult-to-injury. Well party/ hangout got canceled because half the people didn't know which weekend the thing was taking place. So yeah. But making smores and playing sims and talking about randomness with my friend was fun. The taxi ride...wow I've never experienced anything that made me so angry, sad, grateful, annoyed, depressed, and frustrated all at the same time.

The driver, inadvertently, took me down the same path my best friend would take me when he still had his car and when we were still together.

Even though it was dark, I remembered every landmark: the turkish place, Esposito pork deli, Scott J hair salon, etc. I even saw the street where we shared our first kiss. I mean, sure I'm over him, but it was positively HORRIBLE to see those places again. I'm really happy I'm not video logging this cuz tears are streaming down my face.

I've never felt so alone in my whole life.
"Who said unbroken happiness
Is a bore, is a bore?
Who said it, my love?
I don't mind it anymore, anymore
And I reach out a hand over your side of the bed
Pull that blanket over your shoulders exposed to the night
And the hunger of those early years will never return
But I don't mind, I don't mind"
-Ion Square by Bloc Party


Wanderings Through the Land of Music

Dear Readers (If There Are Any),

Music is a wonderful thing.
It's really nice to have songs for everything. I've got American Idiot for practically everything. My vast collection of techno music for homework or going to school. I have way too much techno music. Over half my iPod is techno. Well not half, but it's guaranteed on shuffle that techno will pop up.

I've also discovered a new appreciation to old music. I still don't like 80's rock, but anything from the 70's is pretty cool. Like Plastic Bertrand. AC/DC sounds good too. I'm jumping a bit late on this whole like oldies hard rock scene, but I really don't care. I'm having fun. All the new stuff that comes out almost all sounds the same. I don't mean new CD's from old bands. I mean new bands. I am so skeptical of the "myspace band." Half of them are the same long-haired guys screaming about nothing...or maybe there is some message and I just don't understand it. Some really do stick out, but not a lot.

Right now, I'm listening to Andrew W.K. I'm slowing falling out of my techno phase and need cool stuff to listen to. Got suggestions?



The Beat (Some Stuff I Feel Like Sharing So As Not to Give Mixed Signals)

  • Thesis: I want a relationship.

  • Specifics: Not open, not "HOLY GOD I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU!" Something cool, fun, and not so serious.

  • Why? Open relationships are weird to me, I don't feel like being a whore and doing everyone, so I'm just flirting and seeing what'll happen.

  • Plan: Flirt with people, find someone totally awesome that I can see myself being silly with, friends with, romantic with, and fun with.

  • What I want: Someone who can and can't live without me and vice versa. A person that'll give me chocolate or whatever just because it's today. A person I can bitch to and they can bitch to me. Tons of trust would be sweet too. Just something cute and friendly and something everyone feels special in.

  • What I Don't Want: No love stuff until later...like really later. I don't wanna hurt anyone and I don't wanna get hurt just because of junior year and a lack of time. I want happiness, but not something that can lead to a lot of pain...not yet, at least. Oh yeah, no cheating.

Just getting that out there. Me and K talked today and I started feeling like either I was investing myself too much with someone or I was leading them on. I wonder if they'll read this.

At first, it was really easy to say "no dating until college." I think what I meant was no super-serious heavy relationships until then. I'd like to retain some sanity. And I don't wanna drive anyone else crazy either. I really just wanna feel special. I want the tingly butterfly feeling in the stomach at the mention of a person's name again. And kissing the same person over and over again is fun. I don't really get a kick out of kissing multiple people. Cheek kisses? Sure. Constant make outs with multiple people? SLOW down. I'm a really relationship-y person. Some people say it's bad, others think it's cute. I care about people way too much. Seriously. You have a problem, I will prolly feel bad even if I half-hate you (I can't really hate people...that's a "problem").

I love how I have something to rant about every week...OH BY THE WAY!

I might try a video-log (no vlog bullshit) next entry. I hope it works >.<


Short Entry Due to Midterms, Speech, and SAT Prep

I realized that:

Girls learn a lot from the people that don't return their calls/texts, the assholes that cheat, and the douches that flake on their own dates. But, they learn even more from the people they love that don't love them back or fail to care whatsoever.


Time Goes Totally Askew When You Can't Sleep

So last night, for whatever reason, I could not sleep. I tried lying down in at least ten different poses and none of them worked. My heart was POUNDING whenever I tried to finally fall asleep. It was odd.

Sleep amuses me. When you get enough, you seem groggier the next day. When you don't get enough, you seem hyper and more energetic. Does that happen to anyone? It happens to almost everyone I know.

It's a new year and I'm starting to slightly revert to some of the bad attitudes I've had earlier. And it's bad. And I'm starting to go back to the worst one: the body image problems. I watch What Not to Wear, and they help people that in most eyes would be seen as less-than beautiful more gorgeous than the stereotypical beauties. And then there's a fitness ad that demolishes all that. Perfect abs, created by a medicine ball? Sure, it sounds totally absurd, and I tell myself that. I know first hand that solid exercise without diet adjustment doesn't work. But there's that little nagging feeling of how much I really want that. And at the same time, I know that I don't have anymore weight to lose. Well, I do (holy God, I need to stop thinking that) but I look fine. I'm pretty sure most of my weight is in muscle and boobs.

And another bad attitude: I won't find someone to love. I'm ready to date, but not so much ready for anything super-serious. Nothing like what me and my best friend had, not yet at least. I want something fun. Something that makes both people feel special, but still fun. And people have been saying "love you" and "ily" and I'm pretty sure it's in the friendship way, because I know that when I say it, it is in the friendship way. And I don't say it to everyone.

So now, I'm going to go exercise my grogginess off.


Happy New Year =]

After many hours of brainstorming, here are my resolutions =]

1) Workout at least 15 minutes a day

2) Be a friend to everyone

3) Get into college

4) Survive junior year

5) See my best friend

6) Wear less makeup and more often