1/04/2009

Time Goes Totally Askew When You Can't Sleep

So last night, for whatever reason, I could not sleep. I tried lying down in at least ten different poses and none of them worked. My heart was POUNDING whenever I tried to finally fall asleep. It was odd.

Sleep amuses me. When you get enough, you seem groggier the next day. When you don't get enough, you seem hyper and more energetic. Does that happen to anyone? It happens to almost everyone I know.

It's a new year and I'm starting to slightly revert to some of the bad attitudes I've had earlier. And it's bad. And I'm starting to go back to the worst one: the body image problems. I watch What Not to Wear, and they help people that in most eyes would be seen as less-than beautiful more gorgeous than the stereotypical beauties. And then there's a fitness ad that demolishes all that. Perfect abs, created by a medicine ball? Sure, it sounds totally absurd, and I tell myself that. I know first hand that solid exercise without diet adjustment doesn't work. But there's that little nagging feeling of how much I really want that. And at the same time, I know that I don't have anymore weight to lose. Well, I do (holy God, I need to stop thinking that) but I look fine. I'm pretty sure most of my weight is in muscle and boobs.

And another bad attitude: I won't find someone to love. I'm ready to date, but not so much ready for anything super-serious. Nothing like what me and my best friend had, not yet at least. I want something fun. Something that makes both people feel special, but still fun. And people have been saying "love you" and "ily" and I'm pretty sure it's in the friendship way, because I know that when I say it, it is in the friendship way. And I don't say it to everyone.

So now, I'm going to go exercise my grogginess off.

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