And So It Was...

Scott and I broke up last night and I have received an influx of "OMG WTF BBQ?!" and "Are you okay?" and "what happened?" Honestly, I was so that life does not get too hard on either of us if we stay together in these cycles of blah and happy. So we decided to become friends.

And it is remarkably easy.

It is funny though, he still makes me really happy, but maybe that is because Scott was my boyfriend in addition to my best friend. So I guess that is what I need to be looking for in my next boyfriend, which probably will not be for a while.

I have been getting some negative attention from guys. I have lost many inches from my waist, so my boobs appear bigger and that is one of the things guys just look at when talking to me. There is also my smarts: some people only talk to me about school or to get answers or to get notes. I am trying not to be as much of a pushover about it this year, but it is really hard. I just cannot be a bitch when it comes to helping people. I am probably going to end up being one of those people on What Not To Wear who dress poorly because they do not get enough "me-time."

Whatever. I have the greatest best guy friend in the world. So I am doing fine.

Field Day 2008

Friendship is a really interesting topic. People are interesting too. Yesterday, I hung out with the peopl in the picture to my left and with others, mostly freshman and sophomores. You probably think that I must be a lame junior since I hung out with them, but really, I had more fun there than with my classmates.

We tackled each other, danced to music, talked about random stuff, made pyramids, attempted at playing chicken on land, attempted a game of marco polo, and other random fun stuff. I had so much and I barely know the kids I hung out with. In school, either our schedules prevent us from talking or the people we usually spend time with keep us occupied. But it was nevertheless fun.

I want to get to know those guys better. I mean, they have to be pretty awesome if you can have so much fun with barely knowing each other and having all these stupid jokes, like Jay being everyone's mutual boyfriend and getting dumped every minute every day by one of us *laughs out loud*. But it was awesome, just like in freshman year when I was friends with many of my classmates before things sort of fell apart.

But who cares? College is coming anyway. New opportunities to meet new people. And I have decided to go to a college where most people are smarter than I am . I feel like people just do not approach me because I am smart girl who happens to be pretty. So that is one of the reasons why I am shooting for an Ivy school. DOUBTFUL that I will get in, but true losers do not even try. And I am going to try.

Rich People And Their Big Houses...

I dislike Aram. Aram, you SUCK! No, just kidding, haha. I am just simply jealous of your house. I am jealous of Scott's old New York penthouse too...but that one is about half the size of Aram's house. His refrigerator is like the size of my kitchen and his kitchen is the size of my living room...maybe even bigger. I want a house like that where I can have my own room and stuff.

When I grow up, I want to be rich. But not in the "oh my gosh, I sit around and do nothing all day and just earn money because my husband made a name for himself." No, I want to work for it. I do not really want to go into business because it is an unstable job. Look at the economy and all the business-related jobs being lost. Um, yeah.

I really like genetics and chemistry. Telejournalism seems interesting too, but I am not outgoing enough to start that. Although, I do want to help people through science and stuff, but not really become a doctor (medical school sounds SO daunting). I want to become a nutritionist since I am very health-aware and I want to help other people become aware of what they eat, how they eat, and how often.

Jeez, I am not even a senior yet and I am already planning for college majors and stuff. I know one thing: due to horrible passed experiences with history classes, no more history for me =]

Deep Conversions in a State Deep Conversations Should Not Be Possible

It did not really feel any different. I felt fine. I talked to my boyfriend yesterday after spending some 5-odd hours with K. First we had dinner with her friend, Ariah, and then we sat at her house drinking a bit while watching TV and talking. And then, when I got home, my parents interogated me about drinking alcohol, but I dismissed it. Until I started talking to Scott. He was teasing me about being buzzed, but whatever. I was fine.

Anyway, onto the bulk of this entry. I did not people get so deep and meaningful while depressants are running through their veins. I guess it sort of forces you to stop, slow down, and actually think about what you are going to say. I am not saying take a few shots before telling your parents that you are pregnant or breaking up with your boyfriend or telling your friend that you do not want to be their friend anymore. But it was interesting to say the least.

Everything I told Kayleigh, probably would not have been. I usually do not tell most people about my various, bullshit crises. I am recently undergoing a religious crisis, but I do not know exactly what the issue is. Scott suggests I am becoming agnostic, but I have no idea. I do not know much recently. It is really weird. Not going to go into it on my blog because some family friend's kid spreads gossip about me that my mom does not even know about. And I kind of want my parents to know after I know what the issue is.

We talked about ex-boyfriends and stuff. Current emotional ruts. Everything that is borderline depressing. I feel like if a log of that conversation went into a novel, people reading it might be in tears. It was stuff that I could not talk to my best friend of almost six years about. I told Scott basically about what went on, and we had a similar conversation (but we usually have those conversations when I am crying hysterically due to a crash).

I think what I learned from last night is that I have two true friends. =]

I'm So Lost at Home...

There are days that I can't wait to go home. There are days when I wish I could stay at school all day. Now they sort of blend sometimes. Where I do not want to go anywhere because there is simply no where to go.



Like Friday. I sort of wandered for forty-five minutes. I did not know if I wanted to chill with people who did not like me or if I wanted to chill by myself, so I did. So I texted my boyfriend. And he was busy. Two of my close friends were in JUG (Jesuit school equivalent of detention), which really sucked. So I wandered around. I did not know if I wanted to go to the bus to go home, so I sort of walked eastward and subconciously started heading in the direction of Scott's house. I stopped myself and got all sad. He does not live there anymore. He is too busy in college where it is way too freaking expensive to see me, so he does not. There are random in which it really hits me. Like at that moment when I had no one to hang out with or talk to.

And I am deciding that I am going to stop caring about all my bullshit friend problems. People give me shit for it and I do not really know if the people giving me issues because of how they treat other people is really affecting them. And you know what? Fuck them. All I know is that no one deserves to be treated the way they treat other people. NO ONE.