Halloween (N.a.P.)

So this year for Halloween, I went as a "Scottie Hottie" just because of a stupid accent-related incident that occurs every time I go to a party.  Costume wasn't too slutty, which made me happy.  Other people had pretty cool ones.  There was the Statue of Liberty, Rihanna, Chatroulette Troll, Lumberjack, Deadmau5, Chewbacca, Frat bros, Emo kids, etc, etc.  The music was good, people were fun.  I usually spend my Halloweens at home with my friends or going to see the annual parade.  If I could make it to the city to see the Greenwich Village one, I totally would.  Now, for some pictures.

Halloween: Music For Fright Night (M.S.O.)

Photo taken from iStockPhoto

At the lovely Cornell campus, people have been celebrating Halloween since Thursday night.  Yes, we are well aware that a) Halloween is on Sunday and b) weekend technically slash usually starts on Friday.  But it's a whole lot of fun.  Since I am working all day today before I go to a party tonight, I think it'd be appropriate to give a shout out to the artists I listen to for Halloween.  Some of them are corny and a bit embarrassing, but it fits the holiday.

Marilyn Manson

From Photobucket

 To me, not Halloween anything is complete without the Prince of Darkness himself, Marilyn Manson.  It's not even that his music fits the theme of vampires and ghouls, but no matter how stoic you try to be, he is downright scary.  Plus, songs like "Disposable Teen" and "Rock is Dead" are awesome pump-up tunes for going out.

Danny Elfman

Photo from Transcription: Edward Scissorhands - Ice Dance - Danny Elfman

Now, most people don't think of him as the artist, but he is the mastermind behind the music of The Corpse Bride and A Nightmare Before Christmas.  Jack Skellington and Sally have become iconic figures for kids my age.  With tunes like "This Is Halloween" and a film about a bride murdered by her husband who has returned from the dead, how can one not get in the mood for the holiday?

Schoolyard Heroes

Taken from Parents Lash Out Against Schoolyard Heroes (article is pretty amusing)

Schoolyard Heroes' lyrics are straight out of Saw and any zombie horror film.  They sing about botched plastic surgery, pretty corpses, killing boyfriends...lots of things that would make a good plot for a horror movie to watch on a night in.

Aiden

Taken from LayoutSpar

It's not even about the music.  The music fits more to the tune of my friend's Halloween costume of an emo kid.  But just look at Wil Francis.  He's the one that looks like he stepped out of Halloween.  And having that image in my head while listening to the music rounds off my Halloween playlist.

What do you guys listen to?

Fall Outfit (B.O.A.)

So today, I decided to get a bit dressed up.  The hoodie is actually a nonzip from American Eagle, the black zip hoodie is from Esprit (not Juicy Couture), tights are similar from H&M, boots from Steve Madden, bow from Hot Topic, and skirt similar from Kimchi Blue for Urban Outfitters.

10/29/10 by jladz65

Also, I don't feel like doing the Halloween post just yet.  I'll do it on Sunday so you can see how Cornellians do Halloween.

Intensity and Realization

Taken from 9 Effective Online Study Tools

Four hours of solid work.  Two on an essay and two for a prelim.  Priorities split, one clearly overtaking the other.  I can do an essay.  Improving from a C- to something better by the second test is not something guaranteed or even possible.  But I know I can do it.  The cleverness, problem solving, and knowledge are all there; in class, they are; in the homework, they are.  Oh God, please (PLEASE) let me do well.  I win in one part of my life.  I don't want to use it as a crutch to lift me from the fall in the academic part.  If I fall again, I probably cannot get up.  So I can't fall.  I won't let that happen.  But I am sincerely worried it happened again.  How can one possibly do well when one only completely answered 3 out of 6 problems?  And by 3, I mean, parts that make up the equivalent of 3 problems.  Although everyone agrees with me.  At least, I hope they do and aren't lying.

D'awwwwww

Taken from Perfectly Composed Brokeness

Since I know he looks at this blog, I feel a tad creepy blogging my feelings. Especially since they're in relation to him.  And I almost never blog when I'm happy; I'm usually in some weird state of infatuation because, hell, I have a boyfriend and that makes any teen-year-old with major insecurity issues giddy.  But how can you not be happy when you have someone who, when you have yet another unfortunate bout of food poisoning on the same week as a prelim, brings you crackers and offers to put on your favorite show and then just lies in bed with you until morning?  How can you feel bad about anything?  I mean, I'm stressed out about my prelim, but I know I am going to do better than last time.  I'm in the mindset that I can do things.  Why?  I don't feel bad right now.  I actually feel completely amazing.

Happiness

Taken from Perfectly Composed Brokeness

The greatest feeling of clearheadedness ever.  It allows for greater productivity and reactivity.  Feeling good leads to looking good.  Trying to look good in order to feel good, and only to feel good, leads to nothing.  Or so I have found.  For the thing that makes me happy and for me who is feeling happy, I want to take better care of myself.  To look even better, thought I am totally content right now.  It's just the number.  They bother me.  It always goes back to numbers and plans and more numbers and rethinking and replanning and numbers.  And then other numbers.  Resisting the overwhelming desire to make them decrease that has been plaguing me since I was twelve is extremely difficult.  But enjoying the feeling of positivity that leads to productivity is sort of the priority right now.

Backfiring

Sometimes I totally liked to be perceived a certain way.  I want to be seen as chill by some, awesome by others, sweet by another group, and sexy by preferably one person.  Chill turned into wild child, awesome is also wild child, sweet is too nice, and sexy...well, that one just comes off as adorable.  Not that there is anything wrong with being adorable, there really isn't.  I guess it's part of the package that makes up me: you have a bag of stuff that doesn't seem to make sense but still makes you happy.  Like most type of "acid core" rock, like Shpongle.  Or a completely random assortment of images of snuggly, fluffy animals.  I like those better.

"I'd Like to Write This One a Letter"

Lyrics in title from "Lovin' It" by Switches

Communication is such a lost art.  Actually, when has it ever been an art to begin with?  Poetry's an art because of the clever musings and tripping over phrases because they are simply that good.  I mean, I read Rimbaud and don't know what's going on but the way he uses repeat phrases is just captivating.  And the discordant images that remind me a lot of "Bohemian Rhapsody" and just make my head go in circles.  But if poetry were used as a means of communication, and poetry is art, is communication art in that case?  But no one thinks that hard.  People communicate in actions, because they scream in comparison to any word.  Like when someone wants you to do something, instead of asking you, they just put the task under your nose.  Thanks for the scale, mom.

Studying Math (R.P.)

This blog entry so isn't happening.  I wanted to do another prose poem, but I can't think of anything.  Hopefully I'll get inspiration tomorrow.  I'm also balancing two homework assignments.  One of them happens to be a prelim.

Euphoria

The mind traveling
At twenty million
Miles a minute
Without the help
Of any substances.

The heart fluttering
At workout, fat-melting
Pace without the help
Of any substances
Or working out.

And the mind so clear,
As if from just sleeping,
But sleep was the last thing
On your mind.

Inspired by Rimbaud

It rained a bit today.  The perfect end to a completely imperfect week.  But the week's not over yet.  No, there are two or three days (depending on how you count days) left.  And after this week, another week comes, and another, and another.  Yet, for whatever reason, I cannot see into those future weeks; I can only look at them.  I know things are to be happening, but I cannot see the finer details.  It's all a vague idea (like the math I have to learn for the prelim).  Or I could look at the patterns, but the more I look at them, the more in danger I am of falling into the current.  I love spontaneity.  The unknown of the next "big" event in my life, whoever the next key player in my life will be.  I know who I want it to be.  I'm just scared.

Spirit Day

Spirit for those
Whose spirits
Were broken by
The harsh words,
Actions and beliefs
Of others.

People wearing
Purple in camaraderie.

To show the kids
Who feel like they
Have no way out
That there are people
Who support them.

That death isn't the answer.

But since those six
Are not here anymore,
We should remember them
And why they died
And because harassing
People, in general,
Is wrong.

Synecdoche

Anticipation.
Figuring out what's next
From that first instance.

Just because the road map's
Written, doesn't mean it's right.

Inferring the whole from a small bit.

Just because you don't get traffic
Leaving your house doesn't mean there
Won't be any towards the end.

But what if the bit has
Nothing to do with the whole?
Even though it definitely is
Part of the whole?

The analysis seems to draw no
Logical conclusion.
But it does draw one.

On my personal romantic road map,
I took the express route from
Crush Town back to
I Don't Care Ville.
It's a really chill place.
But don't stay too long!

Drunk Words

It's difficult.
Discerning if what people say
Is actually what they mean,
When they are sober.

I've been made the same
"Promise" twice already.

Hasn't followed up either time.
And both times it got mentioned,
The person was drunk.

Drunk people's slurred words
Make for the tipsies'
Slurred thoughts
Later on, marked by a blur
Of water.
And light as they
Get knocked over.

The Social Network (M.R.)

Poster from Social Network Trailer

A few?  The Social Network is a riveting dramatization of the founding of facebook that makes the situation seem like Mark Zuckerberg has zero friends.  But film is film, so of course everything will be dramatic.

What I personally loved about the movie is the script and the way the directors and producers interwove the story of facebook's founding with the two major lawsuits Zuckerberg had been involved with, namely with the Winklevoss brothers and another with his cofounder, Eduardo Saverin.  The film goes into great detail the social and relationshipal challenges of starting the groundbreaking social-networking site of the decade.  It also touches on a few financial matters, but if you do not have some basic knowledge of business or economics, the business talk might be difficult to follow.  It is, however, easy to tell when a transaction or contract went well or not judging by the characters'.  Jesse Eisenberg performed impressively as Zuckerberg, especially copying the curt, expository way he speaks to everyone while still maintaining a seemingly calm demeanor.

Another thing I loved from the movie was the fact that Trent Reznor cowrote the soundtrack.  Though I am not a huge fan of Nine Inch Nails (funny, because I am a sucker for industrial anything), the soundtrack fit the mood and definitely added suspense even though there were no action-movie sequences in the film.

Though the cherry on top for me was the fact that this movie portrayed recent history.  And the people involved are so young (Zuckerberg and Saverin are only 26).  So it is definitely easy to put in perspective of the current young adult scene.

Rating: 9/10

"You're Winning Me Over, You're Winning Me Over"

Lyrics in title taken from "Moving Clocks Run So Slow" by We Were Promised Jetpacks

Picture taken from Perfectly Composed Brokeness

Not to sound lazy,
But this is getting really hard,
It's been difficult to keep my focus.

Not even referring to school work,
That's about as rough as it gets,
But it's really easy to keep track of.

My below-average-temperature body
Honestly just wants to be held
Prefably by only one person.
Who's going to say
He'll never let go.

And mean it.

Actually, he's going to have to let go
Sometimes.
I mean, it's hard to move around
When someone's got their arms around you.

But it'd be nice,
Really...sweet (?)...
To have a cute face to wake
Up to on completely random mornings.
And the night before to be a bit magical.
Living in a single makes that really convenient.

To be fair,
I'm treading pretty dangerous water.
Water that's just deep and black
And easy to get totally drowned in.
Just got to keep treading,
I guess.

But getting through it is tougher work
Than trying to master chemistry online
Or getting through a set of calculus problems
Or programming on a computer.

I guess it's safe to say,
I'm a worker
And a lover.
Not much of a fighter.
But sometimes you have
To fight for your
Job and fight
For your love.

I've been avoiding the latter.
Don't be me.
DO NOT BE ME.

You let it fall to the wayside,
You're only going to try
When it's just right there.
Sometimes you have to look
In the bushes a bit,
Under a rock,
Or sift through some mud and shit.
But it's there.
Love is there.
I know I'm capable of it.
Have I found anyone who
Wants to share my discovery on the
Wayside?  Perhaps.
I don't know.
But we're going to be awesome
Together.
No matter how weird or rough it gets.
Or how easy!
It's important to be there through
The thick, but don't ignore
The thin.

It's there for a reason.
And the thin with my friends
Is helping me get through the
Thick which, for now,
Is finding a steady relationship
And someone to share myself with
(At least for a little while.
Not sure about forever).

Productivity/ Proactivity

I started looking ahead.
Not going day by day
Or even hour by hour,
But week by week.
Month by month.

I started setting goals for myself.
To be better than I am.
To not be that person people
Set as a benchmark,
The person that people think
"At least I'm not her" or
"If she did better than I did,
I'm screwed."
Level playing field.

I want to be relatable.
People who see me as an equal.
Who see me as human,
As a friend,
As a person.
I don't want to be a role model
Or a warning to the world.
I haven't enough "great" things
And
I haven't made enough mistakes (errors)
To earn either title.

No White

Pasta,
Dairy,
Cheese,
White toast,
Sugar,
Croutons,
Butter,
Cream cheese.

If it's white,
I can't eat it.
Unless it has protein
Or is a vegetable.

Such a challenge.
One I am willing to take.

College Coming

Foreign.
How I've felt most of my life.
No matter how accepted I become,
I always feel a strange sense of detachment.

Home country doesn't feel like home
Because I don't speak the language fluently.

Home city hasn't felt like home since 2008.
For reasons I never talk about.

College doesn't feel like home.
I mean, it feels more homely
Than the previous two places.
But something is missing.

They say home is where the heart is.
Physically,
The heart is in my chest.
But home in my chest?  That
Sounds unnecessarily weird.

Emotionally,
My heart is nowhere,
So is home nowhere? That
Doesn't make much sense either.

Buddhism says attachment is stupid.

Maybe home is just an idea
Of being comfortable where you're at
At the moment.  And if that happens
To be the same place for a long
Time with loads of memories,
So be it.

My home is so divided.

Techno

Photo from iStockPhoto

It's a genre.
Some say it's the most pointless genre.

(I disagree)

Some say it's the most artificial genre

(I agree)

But just because something is artificial

Does not mean it can't also

Be beautiful.

There are many techno tracks,

Which I think can match

The sheer awesomeness and

Impressiveness of a classical symphony

Or a killer guitar solo.

You just have to give it a listen.

Easy A (M.R.)

Picture taken from Shockya

This was possibly the best teen flick I've seen since watching Mean Girls for the five millionth time.  Easy A follows the life of a teenager named Olive.  She was a quiet girl until a little white lie about losing her virginity that erupts into a story of silly teen drama and assumed adultery.  The one-liners in the movie were clever and the references to classic literature showed that the humor was much more intellectual than a senseless string of sex jokes.  There were plenty in this one though.  Emma stone was quite endearing as Olive and the whole webcam idea was cute, I thought.

The movie had me thinking though: people suck.  Not that this is a new revelation, but they seriously do.  I mean, I'm sure the aim of the crazy Christian group wasn't to bash Christians because honestly, there are groups of people of any creed that can band together to bring down any one person.  And that sucks.  But it's nice that in the film, Olive had her family and one friend Todd to depend on.  Everyone needs a friend like that.  And reputation shouldn't matter, but having a good one helps a lot.

Rating: 8/10

Does It Matter?

So what
I've gained like 10 pounds
Since I got on campus?

I
Like
How
I
Look.

And after gaining weight,
It's something that
Never happened.

So I don't get what the deal is.

For the first time
In my life:
It's just a number.

A number
I carry well.

A number that added
To the right areas of my body.

A number that isn't
Ugly.

A number that can wear
Clothes of various types
And still be as gorgeous
As the smaller one.

A number that attracts people.

A number that people think is attractive.
Or they think it's attractive before and after
They know what it is.

I started liking how I looked
When I played around
With different styles
That I thought didn't work
On a girl like me.
But they did.
And I felt so powerful
And,
For the first time in a few years,

Beautiful.

FOOD (N.a.P.)

Doing a food photo blog about the awesome things I ate today.  I hung out with PBD, Designer Boy, and Alice Dork.  It was so much fun and awesome to be getting real non-dining-hall food.  I hope your stomach gets excited!  Images are all from Google Images.

Home

Check out song of the same title by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

The smell.
I never noticed
The smell of the city
Before.
Like, actually noticed
How grimy the air is.

And the classlessness of the people
At times.


But yet,
It's home to me.
I know everything here.
Everything I'm remotely familiar
With is here.


And that brings me peace.

Work

Photo from iStockphoto

I need to get on it.
So hard.
Pun slash
That's what she said joke
Completely
Utterly
Intended.

Prelims are ass-kicking.
Prelims are kicking my ass.
And not so much the asses of others.

And I hate.
I hate.
That feeling of inferiority.
Because this time,
There seems to be a rational.
Hm,
Not so much rational
As totally warranted.
And that just feels awful.
Absolutely awful.

Hello, Mellow

See what I did there?
A pun of two statements.
The statement "Hello world"
Which most kids start their
Programming classes off with
And "Mellow yellow."
I cut off the yellow because
I really don't like the color.

I don't know what's going on.
I mean, I do.
But I can't seem to understand
Why I'm so mellow
All the time.

Things that would normally
Freak me out,
Such as a poor grade
On a test,
Don't.

I mean, a week ago,
I'd look at him and want to
Strangle something.
Not even a week ago.
Now, I look at him and think,
"Eh, you exist."

A few months ago,
I'd put myself out there and
Get nauseated from the wonder
Of "I hope that wasn't a bad idea."
Now, I just go with it.

Stomach pains do serve a purpose.
They lead to meds.
And those meds do happy things.

Though not always.
One time I took
Asthma meds.
Those made me depressed
And in a Beatles medley mood.

So this calming feeling
Of chill is a nice reprieve.

Makes my first day at work easier.
Makes going to classes easier.
Makes hectic schedules easier.
Makes life in general

Easier.

My First Prelim

Went a little like this:

I study for a week
Thinking by the end of it
I'll feel comfortable enough
To do problems.

I like doing problems,
Concepts can be a bitch.

Just got to study for longer,
Got to review for more,
Got to not leave calc by the wayside
After the homework is done
And in favor of other subjects.

Oh well,
I'm still afloat.

And people who are within
One standard deviation or less?
Shut up when you say it went awful.
Just.
GYAH.

Camping Trip (N.a.P.)

Friday night to Saturday, I went camping with my unit and it was super duper fun.  The RA and faculty in residence were there, so we had some supervision, but it was still great.  So here are some pictures.  We made some food, put up tents, roasted marshmallows, and went for a hike.  I won't caption these, but you can get the idea of what went on.

Have you guys ever gone camping?  What was it like?

For the Love of LCD Soundsystem

Written in the style of Drunk Girls by LCD Soundsystem

(Sober)
College kids do the randomest of things
(Sober)
We climb trees and molest all the statues
(Sober)
We jump, we jump on all of the bridges
(Sober)
We laugh, we laugh at the drunkards
(Sober)
We want to see traditions in action.

Oh, oh, oh,
We believe in wandering around aimlessly
Oh, oh, oh,
We believe in staying out late

(Drunk girls)
Knock around all over the place
(Drunk boys)
Do the forcible touchings
(Drunk girls)
Drunk girls need to learn to call the police
(Drunk boys)
Make drinks for all of the freshman
(Drunk boys)
Drunk boys have the run of the frats
(Drunk girls)
Get dressed up all high-and-mighty
(Drunk girls)
Are really easy to please

No, oh, oh,
I won't let you get all over me
So, oh, oh,
Someone isn't getting any tonight.

(Drunk kids)
Like dancing around like animals
(Drunk kids)
Send each other dumb mistaken texts
(Drunk kids)
Are totally at ease with each other
(Drunk girls)
Drunk girls, go out looking for love
(Drunk boys)
Drunk boys, just go out looking for action

Oh, oh, oh,
They don't believe in talking the next day
Oh, oh, oh,
The silence can cripple the deaf.

Want & Should

Just because something,
A thought
A peron
An event
Is something I want
Doesn't mean I should
Have it.

I really could use
Slash want a party
Right now...
Should I have it?
I'll let you know later.

I want a person now too.
I want to be held now.
Should I?
Should I?

Sleep

Elusive.
Silent.
Peaceful.

I wish I could
Get enough.
I wish I could
Foresee the things
That could go bump
In the night.

Now I can.
I cut off one thing
That prevented me from
Sleep.
Maybe
Just maybe
I can get more than 4.

Bright Star (M.R.)

Poster from Cecil County Public Library Page

This movie follows the three-year romance of John Keats and Fanny Brawne.  It appears a classic tale of girl falls for man who is not into things she likes.  She does not seem to enjoy literature while he is a poet and dislikes her sense of fashion.  The romance blooms, but in this film, it is hard to tell.  Sure, the imagery was beautiful, but it clearly was one of those BBC classic literature films.

It was refreshing, though, to see a romance where the couple is not making love every 5 seconds.  Honestly, I don't think women in the 19th century could have that much sex and not get babies.  I'm just saying.  Otherwise, the movie felt very choppy and it was hard to tell what was going on.

Rating: 5/10

Whoa Busy (R.P.)

This week has been freaking hectic.  I promise to do a multi-post.  I wrote some pretty bitchin' poems in my writing seminar class the other day, so I will def post those.  But among yelling at people, labs, projects, and prelims, I am still alive.  Somehow haha.