Apathy and Anger

I don't know if it's my mood swings
Or if I'm legitimately angry at you,
But I'm going with the latter.

You know how we had that conversation
About you not snuffing out our relationship
And how your not purposefully ignoring me?

And remember that other conversation where you consider
Me one of your closest friends?
Just so I wouldn't grill you about being busy and collegiate?

If that's really the case, why don't reply to my emails?
Why don't you IM me from time to time?
Or drop me a line? Or text?

Is it because I'm just some stupid high school ex-girlfriend?
Am I asking too much? I'd like to think, as "one of your closest
Friends," I'm still part of your life somehow.

And that stupid ex comment, I know I am.
Because you're never going to read this.
And it honestly pains me to admit that to myself.

I don't talk about you at all anymore.
There's nothing to talk about except what happened
Four months before and earlier.

It's closing up on a year of "what could've been."
And I'm sure you don't care.
You know what? Neither do I. It's just in my head all the time.

My throat is closing up writing this
Because I don't know if I seriously hate you
Or if I'm just pissed because of mood swings.

You know I hate not caring and how stressed it makes me.
It's the hardest thing for me.
But you know what else?

I
Don't
Care.
Not in the slightest.

I don't even feel like updating you on
Things that are going on in my life.
There's no point.

By the I finished, you would've been like
"Oh g2g, *insert activity*" or just get up and leave.
But I'm the one getting up and leaving.

Talk to you...never?