It's the time of year again where I sit down and think about the year. Because thinking is awesome.
Let's start off with January and hot damn, I was feeling crappy. I was still completely shell-shocked from mine and MSCBFF's breakup. Even though stuff seemed to be looking up, it couldn't really mask completely how crappy I was feeling. Spending New Year's webcamming with him and then "meeting up" a few days later really didn't help. But I guess the highlight of January was when I fell in love...with a college. I visited Brown University with my daddy. And I totally fell in love with the place. That atmosphere, the academic philosophy, the...everything. Second time in my life I found myself staring at a place where I felt I should belong. Same thing happened with my current high school, even though parts of that weren't the best. But seriously, that did not quell the stress of the school year, with midterms and whatnot. But I discovered a new batch of friends, composed of Fabulous, Caveman, Redd, Jamaica, and Papaya. Who knew eating ice cream at ten o’clock at night would be fun? But who also knew that I would be doing things I kind of swore to myself I wouldn’t. And did I mention I was taking SAT classes too? I really disliked that test. SO MUCH.
February came and I was in a much better place. The only thing that really sucked was the rain every Wednesday because I had violin lessons on Wednesday which required much walking to get to. Oh yeah and SAT classes were more boring than fun half the time. But I got my fair share of hanging out. Partying with cute people on Fail-entine's and going to my first indoor, general admission concert was awesome. Flogging Molly was so good live and I can't believe how fun it was to get the shit kicked out of me. I also started dating Caveman, who was really sweet and romantic. I wanted him to go to this fancy party with me, but it was too late. But that party was freaking fancy. It was my friend's Sweet 16 at the Waldorf-Astoria. I felt so inadequate just being there because it was so grandiose and so everything I'll never really have access to. But that didn't make me feel crappy. What made me feel crappy was the seemingly ongoing feud between me, my English class, and my English teacher. No, the class and I weren't against the teacher. We were all arguing with each other.
March seemed to be strewn with lots and lots of PMS. And lots and lots of time spent being angry at my SCBFF because he was totally MIA with his girlfriend. But aside from that, it was a pretty good month. We had a snow day so I spent the day snowing with Poofy Hair and My Twin Brother. It was fun, but of COURSE I'm the one to fall and get basically a concussion. And speaking of concussions, I went to another general admissions concert for Bloc Party. It wasn't as rough as Flogging Molly, but still awesome. I also had my first traditional St. Patty's day, but just hanging out was fun. That actually taking the SAT thing sucked a lot. I mean, it's a 6 hour test at a school that I didn't get into as an 8th grader with a drill sergeant for a proctor was pretty intimidating. But doing tons of hanging out for Pi-day was amazing. I don't remember what I did much of the rest of spring break besides go up and visit Cornell (REALLY didn't like that school, just for the record).
April seemed to be the month of back-and-forth body image issues. Like, I couldn't decided if I was content with my body or if I absolutely detested it and needed to change it. But that didn't really matter because I had Caveman who thought I was pretty. But academics really went down the shitter. My English grade was blah and the physics teacher started going down a long, dangerous slope of crazy. Like asking students if he can go to the bathroom and playing quarters in class crazy. My SAT scores didn't thrill me either, but thankfully I was able to take that frustration out on other people at the annual NYC pillow fight. It was down at Wall Street and shut down because someone had accidentally hit a police officer. It was also the what could've been anniversary of me and My SCBFF. I was kinda sad that day, but it didn't matter. Well, the sadness mattered; he didn't. I also found out that I'm allergic to Brazil nuts...the HARD way. Longest and most painful night of my life so far. Forty-five minutes of sleep, so guess who didn't go to school the next day. But that month ended on a really sad note since Poofy Hair and her boyfriend broke up...I felt really bad because it kinda hit her really hard.
They say May is the month of spring May flowers and sunshine and whatnot. For me, I felt that it was far from the opposite. AP tests and all the last-minute work teachers decide to cram in the last few weeks of school ruled my life. The Calculus AP went abysmally (or so I thought). The US History AP went really well. But after that...rough week one came. I had planned a really nice date with Caveman. He had something else in mind. Meaning, um, breaking up with me. God, I was so angry. Mostly because it sort of came out of nowhere. Because I was dumb enough to think that it would fix itself. And then One Guy decided it was a great idea to come out about his great love for me. That just made things hard. So I spent most of the week confused about that. Then rough week two came. I was still upset over Caveman, One Guy had fallen into a really deep emotional hole, and I had a ten-page paper due. Oh and this really awkward situation came up with my parents that sent me wheeling into an emotional hole. But despite all of that, I got together with One Guy. And that was awesome because of his sweetness. And despite all the finals and whatnot, the month ended on a pretty good note.
In June, it was my birthday. It was a good day, even though I had freaking SAT IIs the next day. But that's okay. I had fun anyway. We had Xbox and whatnot. I've never had so many people over at my house at any given moment. I also went on college tour, but I wasn't as impressed with the colleges as I was last year. I had a great time rooming with Alice Dork, Ms. Negative, and Innocence. Great times, like watching VH1 together and figuring out that our air conditioner got high. The highlight of June, though, was Brown. I signed up for a summer program there to take classes in Biomedical Engineering and Stem Cell Research. I was pretty nervous because of my usual persona at school of the really shy chick. But that didn't bug me. I met Spike and Live and a bunch of other great people. I liked the food, the dorms were cool...well, I'm not a reliable source on dorm life because my roommate moved out to live with her friend because of homesickness after one day. But still! I had a great time.
And the Brown experience continued into July. Except I got kind of negative again...because me and One Guy couldn't hang out for a while. Like, not a few weeks while, but more like months and years while. Yet I tried really hard to not let it get to me, but I trusted Live and Spike enough to vent about it. Which was nice. But it ended all too soon and I had to return to NYC. Back in the city, I started my first job at an anesthesiology lab. I liked my coworkers and the job was fun when I was actually doing research and watching operations. But then I got my filing/ shredding assignment. My back was aching lots. But amidst all that, I spent much time with my aunt and Papaya. We saw Green Day together. I have never embraced such an extent of fangirldom. I was screaming and jumping around like crazy. Yeah July was a great month. There was barely anything to worry about.
In August, the reality that school was rearing its ugly head returned. I got my schedule, which consisted of 4 AP classes and 2 theology classes, one of the shortest in the school. I did so much hanging out that month and seeing movie upon movie with my aunt was really really fun. Committing myself to weight loss was getting so hard because I still weighed lots but I could fit into clothes I didn't think I could fit into earlier. But whatever, I pushed through with it, trying to reach my thirty-pound weightloss goal. However, I did have one of the most fun experiences ever: poetry slam in alphabet city. Warm, stormy summer night with awesome people in a pretty sketchy neighborhood. Enough said. As much fun as I had, it was getting harder and harder to be with One Guy. His work schedule changed dramatically and the amount we talked dwindled day by day.
Yet in September, it was One Guy keeping me euphoric all the time. The small amounts we did talk kept me sane as I attacked my all-AP schedule. I usually react to stress by being obnoxious or latching onto little things that make me happy that I wouldn't normally be that excited about on a normal basis. I started internally making fun of myself...like satirically, not bullying. And I had received my first leadership position as a JETS team captain. JETS is engineering club and it was fun last year, but I wasn't the one having to organize a lot of stuff. Let's just say that the stress wasn't ending.
October seems to be cursed month for me. Last year, me and Scott broke up. This year, me and One Guy broke up. In the middle of one of the most emotional weeks of senior year: Kairos. It was the best week of my life. I had finally discovered that I wasn't as disliked as I thought I was at school. I made up with the kid that made sophomore year extremely difficult for me. And I forgave a bunch of people. And in the middle of that week, One Guy and I broke up. It wasn't exactly out of nowhere...but it was the worst moment. For reasons that I can't state here. I cried lots though. Because I was happy with him and he thought I should be happier with someone else. Part of me thinks it was a bad idea from the get-go. But what happened happened. Halloween night was fun though. Girl time with awesome people makes everything better. Even if you get rejected from a scholarship plus entry that you kind of wanted. On a happy note, I discovered that my favorite Shakespeare play is Hamlet. The fact that Jude Law was in the Broadway production has nothing to do with it, I swear!
November, I started the NaNoWriMo project. I started writing my novel about a girl with extreme OCD and germophobia. I didn't win and make it to 50,000 words, but it's a work in progress that I'm having too much fun with. I spent lots of November kind of picking myself up and I thought I had when I met JRawk, but that didn't work out. Haha, he has a girlfriend now. But I had like a cultural explosion. I saw a movie and a musical. In the Heights was incredible. The music and everything was really clever. Oh and I saw the Tim Burton exhibit at the MoMA with Alice Dork. I also chilled with Poofy Hair for her 18th birthday and that was fun. For the first time in years, I drew something. And it was really felt good to draw again. In fact, I'm drawing for my world religions final project. It's great.
And now there's December. College. College. College. College. Stats. That's what that month was about. Another theme was gay rights. Because our school was performing The Laramie Project, which has to do with the whole hate crime incident in Laramie, Wyoming with Matthew Shepard. It was a really good play, but I think my emotions focused too much that a mother lost her son than the fact that the lost son was a victim of hate crime. But it was really down month. I get deferred from Brown, my statistics grade goes downn the drain, and I had begun shutting down due to end-of-the-year angst. I also had to write the JETS final write up and spent so much time on the phone with Arizohna so that our parts can be coordinated in the project. And I also had the Christmas concert to prepare for, which was fun as hell. Wearing frilly Victorian-era dresses was silly, but awesome. And the JETS team made it to semifinals. So maybe I do have a chance at getting accepted into Brown the second time around. In spite of all the school stress I was dealing with, Christmas was good, but I did way too much school work.
That was my year. It could have gone much better. But that's what the next year is for: a new start and a change to do stuff over again. I read my horoscope today. It looked promising, so I hope so. But after all that, I think I'm happier, skinnier, and way more artistic now. And done with my college apps.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
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