So I've been having these dreams. About the same guy. A guy who totally gets me, who's totally like me. Actually, he's more like me if I had a penis and were obviously male and were taller. And these have been going on for the past few days.
And I don't get it. My subconscious is so masochistic sometimes. I already have to deal with seeing people I know with things I really want. I don't need to see it in my dreams. I really don't. Because, since I'm grounded basically, I don't have the opportunity to pursue it. Not that I have anyone to even try to pursue it with. I mean, there are people who show me much affection, but is it genuine? Maybe. Probably not if everyone else gets that same kind of attention. And I'm not going to be that girl. You know, the girl who takes everything with a deeper meaning or whatnot. Outwardly, I take everything at face value. If a person tells me I'm beautiful, I don't necessarily start thinking "Oh they're just saying that to be nice" but I take the compliment with a smile. But if someone were to ask me out, I'm scared I'll take it so heavily at face value that I'll laugh in their face or something thinking it's a joke. Because I've had the same guy friend jokingly ask me out a bunch of times. God, people are weird.
Now I'm rambling a lot about relationships because the other issues are not really things I want to publish online. Not because they're sensitive topics or whatnot, but because people will think "shit, that's no big deal." To me it obviously is. But it's nice that I'm venting about things slightly beyond my control. And not things I can directly control. Like how skinny I am now. Even though I have to stop losing inches or weight or thinning out. Because I don't want to disappear when I turn sideways.
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