Religious Identity Crisis

I sometimes wonder if it it'd be easier to just not believe.  In anything.  That we're just, as my friend had put it, "on a rock floating around in space."  That nothing happens we die.  That people are just nice to others to maintain some sense of order than to achieve some reward after they die.  That people don't just be nice to others for fear that something bad will happen.  That we just mediate to calm nerves and not achieve some higher religious truth.  That we don't have souls or anything like that.  So that when we do something awful or even just selfish, we have nothing to lose.
I sometimes wonder what it'd be like if I stopped believing.  Maybe I'd stop hoping to God for something good to come way and maybe I could just leave everything up to either force or chance.  But then I realized...
Being religious is such an inherent part of my life and who I am.  As apathetic as I try to be about the notion that what if one day, scientists or other proved that God doesn't exist and there's no actual spirituality anywhere, it would crush me.  Part of me would wonder what was the point of it all.  To try to find meaning in life.  And how such complex biological life processes could happen by accident, with no type of intervention.  So I'm just going to keep believing.  Dropping it for a second is easy.  Maintaining it would be much tougher work.

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