I had a really good blog entry in my head. But then I lost it. Because I realized that it would be all the same shit on repeat. Even when I want something to come around and shake my world up a bit, it goes back to the same theme of "if it's only tonight, that's cool" or general disappointment. And the worst part of it is, I'm getting really complacent. Nothing phases me anymore. I guess you can say I'm a bit jaded. Or desensitized. Pick an adjective like that. But then there are those moments when the bit of me that actually still cares a lot and sees a lot wrong with the state I'm at comes out and by GOD, she is immature, annoying, and thinks stuff just magically works out when certain cards are in place. And the reality is...stuff is random. You can be the nicest person on Earth and bad shit can still happen. You can be a mean-spirited asshole and really good stuff can happen. You wake up one morning and the day just falls into place. You wake up the next day and every hour feels like a hapless misadventure. And some stuff lasts a night. I thought the sickness I felt on Wednesday was just for Wednesday. It's Sunday. I thought the loneliness I felt back in October 2009 was just for that month. It's November 2010. I thought the stomach problems I had during the college admissions process would last for just that. I'm in college. Nothing really changes. Even with force.