End of October, Early November

Taken from p.heartache
For the passed few years, in the last weeks of October and early November, I have found myself upset for legitimate reasons.  Sophomore year, it was because of the events I never talk about.  Junior year, it was because of a break up.  Senior year, it was because of a break up.  Freshman year of college, I have no break up.  I have no grades to make up for anything.  And I don't want to be complacent.  I am fighting apathetic complacency.  But I feel so demotivated to try.  Because the harder I try, the more the nonsuccess hurts.  And I just want to be a neutral.  I am looking forward to the weekend.  But I'd be in general more chipper if I could just not have to feel like I'm at the bottom when I'm not.  They say you're your own worst critic.  I am the worst critic.  But not others.  Just to myself.  Because I can take it.  I can take most people's criticisms.  Because I usually give them in a harsher tone.  One that is relentless.  One that is unforgiving.  Usually ending in the words "asshole" or "douchebag."  Because I can do better.  I can always do better.

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