For the passed few years, in the last weeks of October and early November, I have found myself upset for legitimate reasons. Sophomore year, it was because of the events I never talk about. Junior year, it was because of a break up. Senior year, it was because of a break up. Freshman year of college, I have no break up. I have no grades to make up for anything. And I don't want to be complacent. I am fighting apathetic complacency. But I feel so demotivated to try. Because the harder I try, the more the nonsuccess hurts. And I just want to be a neutral. I am looking forward to the weekend. But I'd be in general more chipper if I could just not have to feel like I'm at the bottom when I'm not. They say you're your own worst critic. I am the worst critic. But not others. Just to myself. Because I can take it. I can take most people's criticisms. Because I usually give them in a harsher tone. One that is relentless. One that is unforgiving. Usually ending in the words "asshole" or "douchebag." Because I can do better. I can always do better.