I Hate Being a Girl Sometimes (Rant)

So most people define a body image disorder as a condition where a perfectly healthy, physically fine-looking girl envisions herself as being grossly overweight and then proceeds to get into anorexia, bulimia, or some other eating disorder in order to look what her mind envisions as being thin and perfect.

My situation is the opposite.

I tend to envision myself as someone with the body of say Jessica Biel and on, what I call, pretty days I feel like I look that way so I'm a totally egotistic asshole because I feel so fucking hot. But then I go shopping, look into the mirror and then my image of myself is totally shattered and goes to the complete opposite.

So it's a roller coaster ride between me thinking I'm really hot and me feeling like a total fatass. Well, I'm not a fat ass--I actually have a really nice ass. Try more like...round-belly. Yeah, that's more like it. I feel like I'm a total pear-shape: all the fat I accumulate disgustingly goes to my stomach and ass and thighs and I bulge out like a water balloon. I know that's not true.

That's the truly pathetic part: I know I probably look fine. I know there are people that want to do me. I know that there are girls who want my body. And for some stupid reason my own HEAD can't see that either. And it's usually especially around my time of the month. Because I bloat a lot.

The other thing is: I need to come face to face with the reality that I'll never be pencil skinny. You know, the girls that can wear everything except for that tiny denomination of "curvy girls" clothing. On second thought, I've come to that realization already. I'm just stupid and immature sometimes.

Like, whenever I go shopping, I need someone with me. Someone who can objectively look at me and say that whatever I'm trying on looks great/ fine/ there's probably better stuff out there for me to wear. Because I can't do that for myself. And it is really sad. Like, the pair of shorts I bought? On normal days, they look great on me. On days like these? Nothing does. Not even body-hiding sweat clothes.