Thursday

Taken from the pursuit of happyness

I've never entitled a poem
The same as the day I've written it.

Well, I guess there's a first time for everything.

Like, last night,
I hope...

I hope to God
That last night's stupid
Irrational, really just dumb
Freak out was the first and last of this year.

I'm pretty embarrassed.
I shouldn't even be talking about it.

Let's use a cheesy cocktail metaphor.

You take one part of my life when I was a sophomore
In high school
Mix with one part of my life right now when I am a freshman
In college
Mix with total misunderstanding and people just
Wanting to spend time together
That doesn't necessarily involve you
And garnish with liquid.
Shake violently.

I think I'm getting slightly better
At at least understanding that
When people ask you to leave
A space, it's not because they don't
Like me or just want me gone.
They just got their own shit to do.
And it doesn't involve me.

What I still fail at though,
Is not feeling that nonchalant
Or...I need a better word...
Maybe cavalier?
Or just understanding.

My best friend told me,
For the millionth time,
That just because people go off
To do their own thing, it's not
Because they just hate me.

They were hanging with me in the first place,
Right?

I guess the worst bit was just
Random people saw me on the phone.

And I'm not a sad "fun" person.
Just everything gets exaggerated.
And I'm fulfilling my monthly
Feminine activity so that didn't help at all.

And my new goal for the year
Is just win.
All the time.
And I start off the day
Making someone else's day.

And on Friday.
No repeats.
Just win.