It's My Birthday!!

Taken from pleasantinterruption

Dinner party with friends and brownies for breakfast that were made by my bf the night before?  What more could a girl want!  And everything was happy and nothing was sad or annoying.

When My Boyfriend Thinks He's A "Fatty"

Taken from f1ame

It's always putridly frustrating.  Like, really, I get that, at one point or another in his life, he was probably obese, but that was then.  This time is now.  He's a handsome, tall-ish boy with a slim build and lovely arms and legs and the comfiest chest ever.  So he should shush and just accept that.  And it makes me really sad, because how am I supposed to feel good about myself when someone who's at an appropriate weight for their height feels inadequate?  He blames his recent so-called weight gain on being happy, but what?  Would he rather be a sadface and not weigh as much?

First Day at Work

Taken from duh-da

It almost feels like a first date.  You get all dressed up nice and fancy to make a seriously good impression on your co-workers and your supervisor and, if you ever get to actually interact with him, you boss.  You say all the right things and suppress most your odd-ball, weird-ass personality just for the purpose of seeming like a competent employee.  You even get coffee or something beforehand because you need caffeine to wake you up and make you feel calmer.  In addition, walking in with a large cup of coffee seems to be a sign of almost being a legitimate human being.   And working a 9-to-5 seems fairly all right as well.  And your eyes hurt so much from using a large, bright iMac that you can't bring yourself to finish a blog entry you started 3 days ago.

Just Hanging With My Friends

Taken from t0psshop

I have about four days of summer vacay before I have to go to work.  And even though there's no major responsibility, but I still need to pack everything up.  And I need to see people I like to hang out with before they go home or whatever it is they need to do.  It's nights like these where I feel lonely because I have nothing scheduled, but everyone else does.  And all I want to do is hangout.

Can't Help But Think

Taken from m-a-r-i-n-a-r-a

I know it's finals and I should be worrying about grades and stuff.  But I think both you and I know that I have written enough about how much it sucks to be alone, studying for hours a day.  So I will write about the recent developments in mine and my boyfriend's relationship.

We have been together almost seven months now.  SEVEN.  That's the SUM of half my high school relationships (while, in the meantime, everyone else I knew dated people for years).   Am I jealous?  Maybe a bit.  But I'm happy now and we have made leaps and bounds in our relationship.  And we recently started saying "I wuv you,"  which is almost like "I love you," but with only some of the commitment.  And he's invited me to spend New Year's in California with him.  I mean, I know it's forever away.  But it's something that's an actual plan.  I like plans and thinking ahead.  And it's all exciting and terrifying, but I like him.  And that's all that matters for now.

A Disappointment Orange

Taken from musicalldaykeepsthebadmoodaway

Second book of my "I need to read more" project and holy God, was I disappointed.  I am also disappointed that it is also only book two of the project.  But this one, wow.  A Clockwork Orange was a book I thought and people have told me I would really like.  But in fact, it was difficult to read, hard to get through, and as with most classics, not much really happens.  I know this sounds like I just hate books that would be assigned in an English class, but I should not have to need urban dictionary to look up half the terms and then guess what they mean based on context or my knowledge of Slavic languages.  And I understand that it was to distance Alex from the audience because he is a psychopath, but at the same time, it did not enhance the reading experience for me.  Now I want to watch the movie so hopefully this book can redeem itself, but frankly, books should stand on their own.

The Pace of "I Need to Get Home"

Taken from t0psshop

There's a certain speed at which one walks when trying to get home.  You walk a little faster.  Maybe because you're trying to avoid people.  Maybe you're trying to not have people realize you're going home by yourself because no one lives in your direction.  Maybe you're bed is just so comfy you can't wait to return to it's welcoming, sheet-arms.  That's usually my reason.  My other reason is when I'm wearing an outfit I don't feel 100-percent in because OH NO, MY MIDRIFF IS SHOWING AND I DON'T HAVE A SIX-PACK so I wanted to get home as soon as possible to get away from meanies. And it was interesting because the girls didn't care.  It was the boys that were all snarky.  And it felt really mean because they were just calling me out because, sorry I don't look like your dream girl or the girlfriend you have who has a goddess body from jogging the second the weather is over 40 degrees.  There's nothing wrong with being that kind of girl.  There's something wrong with being openly mean to a girl who isn't/  I don't complain about my figure and I just want to be happy. And sure, I am guilty of thinking and expressing to be near me of critiquing a girl's outfit that isn't quite one hundred percent for her.  But I won't call her out on it because I don't know her.  Or maybe it's confidence booster for her.  Because you never know how someone is feeling unless you've been there.  So to the jerk on the street, thank you for making me want to crawl up in sweatpants and do pushups and situps all day.  I definitely can do more than you anyway and you're going to make me strongly, so screw you.

That Little Bit of Hope

Taken from just-the-way-you-arent

So I got my second physics prelim back and it wasn't pretty.  I didn't do as magically as I had hoped after the second physics prelim last semester.  And the funny thing was, I wasn't too upset this time.  I was mostly fine.  Maybe just a little disappointed that I didn't do better at all.

But I have this nagging feeling that it will all work out, mostly on the precedent that everything is so wonderful now.  My grades are better.  Not great, but they are definitely getting better.  I have a boyfriend who loves my scent and my presence and is probably one of the most supportive people I know right now (and I have plenty of those).

So I guess it'll all be fine.

A Growing Thought

Taken from nocturnalwishes

The more I draw, the more I color, and the more I sketch, the more I realize why don't I actually do something with this?  But that takes years of practice and connections and my only relations are in the working world and the realm of science.  And those kind of jive, but not really.  People become so shocked to discover that I can be creative, at times, more creative than the creative ones.  So why don't I do something?  I don't want dental appointments to be life-altering decisions or having to give up grocery shopping for rent.  Or things like that which happen to most budding artists.  But then again, who's to say my scientific pursuits will lead me to comfort?

On The Road Again

Taken from cinsomniac

I'm soon to be on the bus back to Ithaca and for the first time, I cannot say when I'll be coming back.  I've told the people I've hung out with that I will vaguely see them soon and that's the best answer I can give.  Because I don't know if I'm going to Georgia, Wisconsin, Missouri, or staying in Ithaca.  Of course I can come back for a weekend or so.  But I also don't know if I will be travelling for my own leisure for a week or two.  But that's all up in the air.  I'm barely aware of what I'm doing tonight besides homework and cuddling.  But it's going to be an interesting week.  And the work week will end once with with "May the odds be ever in your favor."

Resumes and Cover Letters

Taken from deciso

With all the sketching I have been doing this Spring Break, I wish that instead of letters and resumes, I was also including a portfolio.  But then I realize that I am not special.  I mean, I am special.  But not in the sense that values artistry.  I do not have a twisted way of looking at things.  I go to classes and do homework and that takes up more time than anything.  And I'm also not comfortable having my work scrutinized by people who are better, more experienced.  Mostly because I am an asshole, but still.  I prefer having essays and papers read over because there is such a distance associated with it.  Not the same as with something I've poured my heart out for.  But then again, who knows where my life would take me.  So there's no point in stopping, but to continue practicing.

The Hum

Taken from hopingfortheshore

When I hear it, bad news is on the horizon.  And it's not a superstition, like an itchy palm indicating the finding of money or something equally silly.  It indicates that I'm under intense pressure, or under-fed, or have low blood pressure, or something else is wrong.  And then the colors happen and I lose consciousness.  And it happens too often.  And it's scary when I realize it, but it shocks me when my boyfriends who witness it do not seem alarmed.  Unless I tell them.  Or until everyone else is concerned.  And the thing that's the worst are the colors.  They're not dreams.  They're just colors.  And they add to the head-spinning.

Studious Isolation

Taken from hopingfortheshore

I've been in the library, I think, 24 hours this week so far.  All by myself.  I see friends at class and at dinner, but outside of class, it's kind of hard.  I need to do work and people either don't like to do it with other people or they don't have any.  Or they don't care enough about school.  And it's hard being so lonely.  But lonely with something to do.  It's the strangest thing.

Winter Happens in March Now

Taken from walk-lightly

Winter had been absent for far too long.  There were too many days of lovely sun and my winter snow boots were not a necessity.  But then randomly, for the passed few days, winter had returned with full force.  The show had been blowing and then the wind and the chills, but then the sun would come out.  And then disappear again.  Kind of like the crowds in the library cafes.  But hopefully it makes up its mind soon.  There are many fashions that need exploration, such as dresses and delicate shoes.  Maybe someday, someday soon.

Me for the Next Two Weeks

Taken from deciso

I'm going to be reading.
And analyzing.
And reading some notes.
And annotating.
And looking over lecture notes.

I'm also going to be making flashcards,
So lots of typing
And rereading
And clicking through
Information about the brain and the nervous system.

I'm going to crack open my notebook too,
And review
And make charts of reactions
And reagents
And leaving groups
And nucleophiles.

I'm going to do better on round two.
I AM going to do better.

My Lenten Sacrifice 2012

Taken from b00tyful

Originally, I was going to give up food.  Just having the majority of my thoughts about food, not eating all the time, maybe going on a fast and eating healthy things only when I feel genuinely hungry, but no.

I decided to do something healthier for myself.  So, I am giving up "fat."  Everything having to do with the word "fat."  Feeling "fat," eating "fat," focusing on the word "fat."  Telling people I'm a "fat"ass.  The word is destroying me.  And it's three letters.  And it's ruining my life and my relations with things.  Sometimes, rolling out of bed and getting dressed becomes difficult because of it.  And honestly, I am sick and tired of having most of my thoughts and actions directed by the feelings elicited by one small word.  I am sick of feeling awful about myself.  And by the end of this Lent, I am going to feel better.  It WILL happen.

Girls in Bathrooms

Taken from jamieniicole

I sincerely do not understand.  And I am not saying that to be one of those annoying girls disgusted by my own gender as a guise to be one of the guys.  The girls I know can spend most of a party in a bathroom and I'm just not that type.  Maybe it's because I brought one of my guy friends with me and leaving him alone would be like leaving a lamb with the wolves, but still.  They gossip and scheme, but it's the kind of stuff that wouldn't involve them if they were just left out of the loop.  And I don't like being part of that.  Not all of information that I have is even mine to have and even better, mine to share.  So I just keep it to myself.  And honestly, I have a better time when I go out because of it.

Formals and Just Hanging Out

Taken from pleasantinterruption

It's weird, just the two of us hanging out and spending time like friends even though we totally hold hands every where and kiss and become fairly intimate at night.  We just snuggle, we walk around, we get tea, and play Magic: the Gathering.  It's really nice and reminds me so much of when my best friend and I were almost dating, but not quite.  But this time we are quite.  He takes me to dinners and formals, in front of all his friends and brothers and introducing me as his girlfriend.  We have our quibbles, but overall, life is good.  We're friends and we make out.  So I guess it's okay so far.

Wonder of Winterland

Taken from perfectbucketlist

February decided to be February and winter-y.  The snow started softly falling last night and I was being asked to a birthday dinner by my boy.  And then, of course, afterwards we get into a fight over me being too cold and uncomfortable and not feeling like he's attaining to my needs.  But we did snuggle in the snow, while waiting for the bus.  And then again in the morning.  Everything around us seemed like something from one of those Christmas songs, yet we weren't as happy and lovey dove-y as those songs portray.  But it's work and we're trucking along in our relationship.  And through the snow.

How College Changes Your Views on Nights In (Aka, No Plans for Superbowl Sunday)

Taken from myheartishoney

When I was in high school, Super Bowl Sunday didn't really exist for me until Junior or Senior year.  Some families had get-togethers, some people threw parties.  My family, being perfectly foreign, didn't really care. Until I, one Super Bowl Sunday with no homework, flipped it on to maybe watch the ads.  I've loved ads since I was little and so I would watch those.  So I was watching the American tradition by myself and whatnot.  I had a television in my room, so it was no big deal.  Plus, it was as school night and I had parental supervision, so curfew, aka no going anywhere after 8 PM on a Sunday, was still a thing that existed in my life.

Let's move to college.  I don't remember even remember what I did that Sunday.  Probably homework of sorts.  It was the Sunday after the Thursday where I sprained my finger and hung out in the snow with my friends, just being silly and like children.  Oh, maybe I watched the game with my dorm.  We were a pretty tight-knit group.  But this year, I live in a dorm where no one seems to even know each other.  And everyone I know is already having plans.  And I feel so left out.  And given my experience in high school, it is so hard to convince myself that I am "left out" because everyone else legitimately has plans.  Their own plans.  Not plans they're purposefully leaving me out of.  And my boy is doing stuff with his frat for it where I think they can have girls over.  But we've already spent the passed 24 hours together and need some space and other people to see.  So I totally understand that.  So, I think tonight I'm going to stay in, read a book, and listen to some more Kosher Food class lectures.   And find out the results and watch the best ads tomorrow morning as part of my morning watching videos ritual.