I have absolutely no energy in my mind to write this in poems because I'm so pissed off. I'm so silly. I'm a silly little girl with silly expectations of finding silly true love and stuff like that. Part of me feels like it won't happen to me. But another part of me feels like if I try hard enough it will.
But I want to stop trying. I almost want some like guy friend of mine to confess that he's been in love with me since we've met or some silly thing like that. And I know that the one guy who does is someone I'll turn down because I'm not attracted to them sexually.
It's so stupid. I wish I were blind something so that sexual attractiveness would not even have to matter. I do wear high-prescription glasses but I don't think that counts. But let's stop talking about the theoretical.
I am pissed off because I apparently did nothing wrong. I was doing everything right...apparently. And I just feel so retarded...so INADEQUATE. And I don't care if what I feel sounds stupid. Most people act stupid when they feel. And I obviously acted very stupid.
So maybe I should just stop fucking feeling to stop being stupid.
And I seriously feel like I'm asking for way too much. I want good grades, so I have them. Can I have them with a side of love? No. That's such a dumb idea. Why? I hasn't worked out. And I guess it might never.
So I'm just going to sit here and brood until I feel better. And Tila gave me SUCH a headache. Not even those friends are helping.
Goddammit.
1 comment:
well, come the 30th we will get to party it up with ariah. we'll spend the summer getting wasted, no worries luv <3
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