Alright

I don't think I'll be the one
That's behind.
I'm a little nerdy girl with
Tons of attitude.
It's spelled itself out well
In my personal essay.
I think I'm a pretty good girl
Except when you piss me off
I can get bad,
So stay off my bad side
And I'll see you at the better end.

Weight loss is starting to get so futile.
I can fit into skinny jeans
And wear frilly skirts.
I don't what's worse than I'm giving up
Or my angry isn't letting me do what I want.

I Want to Give Up

Weight loss
Is getting to be too
Much.

Like, there's no way
I'll be as thin
And fit
As the girls at the gym.

My body shape that I inheritted
From my mom's side of the
Family
Really doesn't favor
Short skirts
Shorts
Or anything too sexy.

Why. Am. I. Trying?

Trip to MoMA

I won't call myself
An artist
Because the last thing
I drew was an emo kid
Playing a bass about
Two years ago.

But I do know
What can be
Considered art.

When my mother and I
Went to MoMA,
I failed to understand
Why some of the stuff
Was there.

A red stripe on the wall
Is considered art.
That's about as absurd
That boyishly-skinny
Women are considered
Beautiful and curvy.

And hair that look like
Your cat had seen a rat
In it and had a spazz attack
In it is super hot.

Um...
What I'm trying to say,
It's that because it's
Modern
Popular
And cool doesn't
Mean it actually takes skill.

Except for some paintings.
Like Picasso and Dali.

Hanging Out for 6 Hours

Hanging out for so long
Wandering Union Square
With the same person
Is so fun.

Getting bitched out
Because dad doesn't
Understand that not
Every family is normal
Is not fun.

Losing three pounds
After eating food I actually like.
GREAT!

Police Women of Broward County (Commentary)

Holy shit, that show is intense. Well, not really. The situations the people they arrest get into. All of them are druggies. ALL OF THEM. It's crazy. And the neighborhood they work and raise kids in is really sketchy.

But I give them credit. I would not be able deal with those people, live in that area, or be a cop. Hence why I'm sticking to pharmacy and interior design.

They Won't Be Around (Song)

When people go to Catholic school
Especially the girls
People expect you to become whores
But not you.

When your dad sent you to a Catholic place
He definitely meant well.
But then you met some teenage kids
And you fell. You fell.

You fell in love with a prickly plant
That can only be grown
On ex-communist sand.
Communist sand.

Yet you fall.
And the people who got you
So hard in love let you fall.

In the place of nowhere
Where are they now?
They're not around.
They're not around.

When we were young I always thought you'd be
the smart, responsible cool kids.
But darlings can't you see?
Your mom's rolling around in her grave.

When I heard you were sneaking out
Passed 11. Nothing good could come out
Of it. You met with bad people
And look at where you are now.

You fell in love with a powdery dust
That can only be collected
On ex-communist sand.
Communist sand.

Yet you fall.
And the people who got you
So hard in love let you fall.

In the place of nowhere
Where are they now?
They're not around.
They're not around.

They won't be around.

Monotony

I do the same thing everyday.
I file papers everyday.
I fill out charts everyday.

I do the same thing everyday.
I file papers everyday.
I fill out charts everyday.

I do the same thing everyday.
I file papers everyday.
I fill out charts everyday.

I do the same thing everyday.
I file papers everyday.
I fill out charts everyday.

I do the same thing everyday.
I file papers everyday.
I fill out charts everyday.

And then I party.

InStyler (Rant)

It is probably the most complicated hair product I've ever seen. It is a cross between a curling iron and a straightener...minus the hot plates. It comes with a built-in brush, cool. But it seems like it does more curling and flipping than actual straightening.

But I think what got me the most was the fact that they complain that regular straighteners do so much damage. Honestly, they do. But not as much if you use heat protection products and straightener your hair the right way. I'm not an expert on hair, but plenty of articles in magazines and websites say that when straightening, you have to pull the straightener down in one, smooth motion. Not crimp your hair with it as demonstrated in the infomercial.

Haha, I sort of feel this is the kind of rebuttal Josh Hillis would give some new "revolutionary" workout machine. It'd be nice if he could debunk or prove things like Flirty Girl Fitness and that weird ab machine that you swing on.

My Course Schedule (Song Thing)

AP Spanish
AP Bio
AP English
AP Statistics

I didn't get any
Of the fun classes
That I wanted to take.

So instead my school
Gave me all the worst
Classes ever.

My schedule...
Is so packed...

I'm gonna have to wave
My sex life good bye
Put my life love
On the back burner.

Wait, usually when stuff
Goes on the back burner
It sets itself on fire
Maybe that's what'll happen.

My schedule...
Is so packed...

Will I have time,
To take care of myself?
This hectic array of APs
Really truly sucks.

My friends will forget
What my face looks like
Since I'll be so fucking busy.

My schedule...
Is so packed...

Fun Times

Hanging out after
A long week of work is great.

Watching Charm School 3
When it's mostly about moms...

Not so good.

Talking to One Guy
Makes me feel better.
And I wish I could
Have more time to talk to him
About my problems and stuff.
Maybe not so much problems,
But issues and feelings I'm having.
Because I feel that I can trust him.
I know I can trust him.
I want to.

Worries

As I was walking down the street
With my iPod on shuffle, our song came on
And it really got me thinking
Since we made it this far...

It's been almost three months...
Three fucking months.

Because you've got to understand,
I'm pretty paranoid because
Most of my relationships have
Only lasted that long.

And I'm sorry that I'm being a bit
Weird right now, even though you might
Need me for emotional support
Because work sucks, it's fucking hard.

Especially in an economy like this,
You don't need a silly girlfriend
Compromising that form of stability...

So I won't be silly...
But I'll stay your girlfriend. <3

The Ugly Truth: A Movie Review

For a rated R movie, this one was absolutely adorable. Sure, there were many x-rated jokes only teens would make with their friends, but the ending was cute. Papaya mentioned that the change in the female character came out of nowhere, but I disagree.

The jokes were great...I was probably cracking up more than most people in the theater. But I am assuming that I was one of the younger people there. But still. My favorite moment was in the beginning when she initially calls Mike's show and he calls her ugly because she cannot get a guy. The jokes were good, though a bit repetitive...some sounded like things I say on a regular basis.

I think some of the things they said about guys are true: in the end, all relationships lead to the same thing. I bet some people are going to read this and think that they are waiting to marriage...well, that's a relationship, no? Just a bit more permanent...not in the United States, but you get my drift.

And the female in the movie, whose name I forgot, did not change all that suddenly...I mean, how many times have girls been utter bitches before getting asked out by a decent guy and afterwards were the nicest people ever? Like when the guy was calling her back, she already turned a little more laid back. I mean, I would, because One Guy doesn't call me all that often because of shitty service where he lives.

Overall, I thought it was great. Except, definitely worth its R rating.

Rating: 7/10

Do You Know Your Enemy? It's Not Green Day

I have never been to concert as fun as that.
I've never been to a concert that caused such a
Crazy rush of emotions before the band came on.
I've never been to a concert where I started screaming
Like a little hardcore fangirl when the lead singer
Started speaking, let alone singing.
I've never been to a concert with so much graphics.
I've never been to a concert with so much pyrotechnics.
I've never been to a concert where the crowd sang
Most of the songs.
I've never been to a concert where both the opening band
Lead singer and the main event's lead singer randomly
Decided to hang with people in the crowd.
I've never been to a concert where the lead singer tells
People to start rushing forward during a song
Just to get closer to the band.
I've never been to a concert where the lead singer
Told everyone to turn off their cameras and cell phones
To fit the mood of one of their songs since we cannot
Recreate or save "Our Moment" on video.
I've never been to a concert where there's a story told
About arguing with a wife, beating the shit out of some guy
And then telling the wife that you love her
I've never been to a concert where the band randomly
Starts playing
Gun and Roses
Sweet Home Alabama
99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall
Take Me Out to the Ball Game
Show tunes
And Shout
In the middle of their own song.
I've never been to a concert where the band kidded about
Playing a song and then asked the people which song
They should play.
I've never been to a concert where the band stayed
An hour after saying that they were leaving.
I've never been to a concert where people were asked to come
And sing songs
And play a 9-minute song
In front of Madison Square Garden.
I've never been to a concert
Where the drummer not only threw
His drumsticks about five times
But gave out on of his cymbals too.

I feel amazing after that.
Except for the work part.
Waking up at 7:15 sucks.

Daisy of Love (Commentary)

So I've been following Daisy of Love on VH1 (yes, a straight-A student who watches too much VH1, it's possible). It was fun, but the ending was so disappointing and predictable: of course she went with the douchey rock star that bailed on her once. But I guess that's how girls are. When shown a pair of guys, she goes with the douche instead of the nice guy.

I miss my nice guy.

My Ass (An Attempt at Something Stupid and Catchy)

Here me boy,
Don't take a chance,
Don't even try to start
A romance
With me
Because I will
Make you my toy.

I'll tell you
I'm a vegetarian
And your penis
Is no exception
To the "no meat" rule.

I'll make you feel
Just like a fool
And this is what happens
When you hit on taken girls.

Here me, boy,
Don't take a chance,
Don't even try to start
A romance
With me
Because I will
Make you my toy.

I will fuck
With your brain
It will suck
But I'll be entertained.

You're a stupid boy.
You're a stupid boy.

Don't mess with me
Because I'm taken,
You see?
By this dude
Who is hot
And he's everything
You're not.

Hear me, boy,
Don't even try
I don't care if
You're super fly.

Go ahead
Take a chance,
But I'm letting
You know now
That you will be
Quickly shot down.

Personal Best

I think my cycle
Of negativity
Has no end
Because it keeps going on
Into the A.M.

I stay up really late
Crying my eyes
Wishing everything
Would be different.

Like that one time
Called my sophomore
Year, I was left behind
By all my peers.

And I remember how much
That sucked
And I won't forget
And I'll bet
They don't remember a thing.

But that's okay.
Because
I guess things
Are all right
Now that I'm hanging on
To some sliver of hope
That I thought
Didn't exist at all.

500 Days of Summer (A Reaction)

This is a reaction to the movie 500 Days of Summer. I write reviews about movies I can find some humor in, like Harry Potter 6. But I have a certain level of respect for romantic flicks.

What do I mean by respect? I mean, I don't think people should make fun of sappy romance flick relationships...unless it's Romeo and Juliet, because they just wanted to fuck. But like...I feel like most romantic movies I've watched have been about couples that didn't work out. And where love isn't actually a thing, it's just some abstract noun, like justice or God. And...I really want to think it's real.

Like in Juno, I want the hope that two people can be happy forever together. And when I say forever, I don't mean a few days that's so good or so bad that it feels like forever. I mean, let's-grow-old-and-live-and-die-in-each-other's-arms forever. The marriage in the 48 percent that works out. This movie, honestly, made me so guilty about the fight me and One Guy had a few days ago. Sure, we were back to being lovey dovey and absolutely silly and we tried lucid dreaming together. But, I just don't want to fight with him.

I don't.

But it's conflict that makes one grow. It's like trees: you cut off a piece to cause many other branches to grow from the hole. At least that's what stem cell class taught me about trees and growth.

I want something to last more than 3 months. Sure, me and SCBFF were together for 6 months, but we saw each other for three of those...well, I guess that counts as more than 3 months because we actually tried to make it last. It's the other 3-monthers that I don't understand. And I'll be so excited when me and One Guy when we make it passed 3 months and onto...something that's a multiple of 3 months.

I will be so happy.

Research and The Gym

I like rain.
The way it pours.
The way it sounds
When it pours.

The way it always seems to pour
In sync with my emotions.
Maybe I'm sad when it rains
Because I doubt it rains
When I'm sad.

Anyway, it also rains
During painfully
Boring days.

Days when all you do
Is read
And read
And do some more reading
Of online courses
And online journals.

It stopped raining
When I met up with
My Grandson though.
She's fun to chill with.
And no, it's not
Supposed to read
"He's fun to chill with."

My Job (N.a.P.)

So I woke up this morning at 8 to go start my first job. I work at a hospital in the Anesthesia department with these really nice ladies. So, I get to walk around an operating room and check out anesthesia and do research.

Also, I get to wear scrubs and the cover things you put on your head and feet to keep germs out. It's fun. I think I'll have a good time.

Why I'm Losing Weight (Not a Poem)

Okay, so I've told some of my friends that I'm trying to lose weight. And the general reaction was: "YOU LOOK FINE" or "stfu."

It's not about how I look anymore. It's BEYOND that. I know I do not look it, but I am close to being obese, according to many BMI charts. So weight loss is not aesthetic anymore. It is to save my health: now and later.

Plus, losing weight will be beneficial to my health, both mentally and physically. Mentally, I will probably and hopefully be over my body image issue, content in knowing that I weigh what I weighed in middle school. Physically, all the working out will make me feel energetic, fruit clears up skin, vegetables apparently help with energy, and MEAT IS YUMMY.

It is really starting to annoy me how badly people are trying to talk me out of it. I really just need support.