What I'm Thankful For....

First of all, Happy Thanksgiving, everyone =D

I think I am going to make my list of thankfulness in list form with smaller explanations.

• My friends: as much as you guys drive me crazy, you give me stories to tell, things to learn, and even more absurd ideas.
• My parents: once again, as much as they drive me insane, they give me something to talk about
• Loyola: it's good to be in school...as stressful as it is.
• The teachers: since it's a public blog, I'm not going to mention any names. But if they every come across it they'll know who they are. I thank my math teacher for being really understanding. I thank my physics and Spanish teachers for being so chill and funny. I thank my English teacher and chamber music director for helping me be more outgoing. I thank my history teacher for giving me a new, relative perspective on history.
  
• The people I don't like: you guys teach me patience.
• New City Police Department: doing a good job keeping everyone safe.
• MTA: as much as your policies suck, you get me to places, like K's house and school.
• Makers of iPod and iTunes: even though your products don't work sometimes, they are really cool.
• My computer: greatest computer ever.
• Josh Hillis blog: helped me lose my goal of ten pounds.
• My bass: keeps my mind off things.
• American Idiot: helps me get through everything and anything.
• Food: helped me from getting an eating disorder (you taste too good!)
• Cosmogirl! and Alternative Press: I really like the articles and I discover awesome music through them.
• Turkey: favorite stuffed animal.
• All the people in my class: because being with the same people everyday, every period is really boring.
• Rein teen tours: greatest experience ever.
• All the stores I shop at: so that I don't have to get arrested everyday for indecent exposure.
• Sims 2: most creative game ever.
• Princeton Review: helps me in school, not just on standardized tests.
• ACT: easiest test ever.
• My sweet sixteen: funny and scandalous, I saw one of my friends there that I haven't seen in almost two years.
• Greece trip: met one of my closest friends there and had some pretty ridiculous happenings.
• Peru trip: more ridiculous shit happening.
• "shit": it's a noun which is most frequently used in my vocab.
• Spanish and German: keep me occupied

This list goes on and on, but those are a few things I'm thankful for. I'm also thankful for today's dinner, even though it won't look as appetizing as the one in the picture.

What Happens When You Ignore Yourself

Recently, I've been doing more work than I can handle.
Seriously.
I barely hang out with anyone. I barely have time for myself. I usually just do school work or various other such things for ACT and stuff.
I wish I was as smart and talented as people seem to perceive me as. For example, I wish I could just write my essays the morning of and get like an A+. But that's not me.
With me, I have to write them the day they're assigned. Or else I bug out and waste more time crying because of stress than actually writing the essay. It's pretty bad.

You know what else is pretty bad? The boy scene. Like...I don't even know if I want to like anyone, forget about wondering whether or not a guy likes me. Or a girl for that matter.
It's sorta weird being at the "questionable" end of the hot spectrum.
My guys friends tell me I'm hot...but they also tell me which of my friends is hot.
And that's a downer.
But, as I mentioned, I have no idea who to like. Because in my mind, I've pretty much ruled out...everyone. Except for people I haven't met yet.
You might think it's odd, but I know too much crap about everyone.

It gets stifling sometimes.

Retreats and Community

I am not the most conforming person at around. Actually, I try my hardest to be as unique as possible. To be different in every way, even in ways people are not expected to be different. I am proud of it.

That is...until my class goes on retreat. I feel totally alone, even with people who are my best friends. They all have something in common, the rest of my class: crappy families, slew of dead close ones, extreme attractions to their pets.

I only have my hate complex to worry about. I am never open about it. Unless someone figures it out. Like Scott did. He has helped me lessen it a lot. I doubt he reads this blog at all, but I want to thank him for it, since I would be in a vicious cycle of never truly accepting myself among other people or with myself. You know that song "My Own Worst Enemy"? Sure, it is about a break up, but I felt like that almost every day.

Until yesterday where I finally, publicly asked for forgiveness for it. And I think it worked. I have not had a negative thought about myself since last night.

Back from the Dead

Well, I have returned from two straight weeks of moping and I am back in action. Took a while to realize that as great a guy he was, Scott and I did not work out. And whatever. There are other guys out there...like all three of my current crushes.

Second quarter is under way already, and I already finished all my service requirements and a stupid research paper reared its ugly head out of NO WHERE! Blah! Oh well, I just have to plow through it and there.

Oh yeah, I also started preparing for the ACT. It is a gift from God. Considering I never saw the test before, I think a 25 is a pretty good score. The instructor is really nice too. She is not too old or too young, so we talk about things like South Park.

Two weeks have passed since I last wrote and there is not much to talk about...oh well...updates are always good.